SIL asked us to take her kids overnight

[Anonymous]

I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

How could you possibly have come to this conclusion? The DH has it handled. He hasn't talked to his sister in weeks. He's not going to commit to watching the kids and OP doesn't need to be whispering her venom in his ear. It's not her problem, which was her question, and her DH seems to have made up his mind and making his position clear by simply blowing his sister and her request off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

You sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

I have no idea how you'd draw this conclusion. The SIL doesn't respond to OP. OP's in-laws have made it clear they aren't interested unless they need something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

I have no idea how you'd draw this conclusion. The SIL doesn't respond to OP. OP's in-laws have made it clear they aren't interested unless they need something.

OP here.

I don’t know what to tell you. My DH talks to his sister once every few months aside from mandatory birthday invites and requests that he take her out on our boat or needing help with something. It’s very quick to blame me, and see me as the problem. There’s some natural ebb and flow in relationships with your family of origin once you get married. People create new families.

Anyways, SIL has moved on and it’s a non issue now. I’m sure they found someone else, I’m going to try and get together for low key cousin playdates or encourage my husband to try and arrange some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

I have no idea how you'd draw this conclusion. The SIL doesn't respond to OP. OP's in-laws have made it clear they aren't interested unless they need something.

OP here.

I don’t know what to tell you. My DH talks to his sister once every few months aside from mandatory birthday invites and requests that he take her out on our boat or needing help with something. It’s very quick to blame me, and see me as the problem. There’s some natural ebb and flow in relationships with your family of origin once you get married. People create new families.

Anyways, SIL has moved on and it’s a non issue now. I’m sure they found someone else, I’m going to try and get together for low key cousin playdates or encourage my husband to try and arrange some.

Hugs, OP. Do what you're comfortable with and let you DH take the lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

You sound crazy.

Be a doormat yourself and don’t force it on others. The crazy stuff is assuming op is in the wrong for not wanting to be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

I have no idea how you'd draw this conclusion. The SIL doesn't respond to OP. OP's in-laws have made it clear they aren't interested unless they need something.

OP here.

I don’t know what to tell you. My DH talks to his sister once every few months aside from mandatory birthday invites and requests that he take her out on our boat or needing help with something. It’s very quick to blame me, and see me as the problem. There’s some natural ebb and flow in relationships with your family of origin once you get married. People create new families.

Anyways, SIL has moved on and it’s a non issue now. I’m sure they found someone else, I’m going to try and get together for low key cousin playdates or encourage my husband to try and arrange some.

NP. I was with you from the start OP, when you said you used evenings to study. I just thought - babysitting is definitely off the table here, unless there's an emergency. I'm sorry you got such a rollicking from the underlings.

[Anonymous]

Not getting why people are jumping on the OP. If I asked in the past for child care help and didn't get it, no way am I saying yes to an overnighter, especially if I never watched the kids before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read the whole 13 pages at this point. Everybody is missing the point that OP need to help her DH with what to say to his family. All the iterations of the family. The moochy SIL, the enabling grandparents. DH is totally at a loss as to what to say to these people without the whole situation becoming relationship-breaking between OP and DH.

If I were either DH or OP I would have no idea what to say. Hopefully DCUM can provide some light. I would actually reframe the question and repost, if I were OP.

I feel like OP drove a wedge between her husband and his family.

Sigh. You are ridiculous. Op doesn't want to be taken advantage of by alcoholics who don't take care of their kids and what you get out of this is that she's the problem. The misogyny in these posts is astounding given it's 2023.