Different Socioeconomic Classes & Exclusive Independent Schools

[Anonymous]

As I read the threads in the, Private/Independent School Forum many posters suggest that students who are not classified as super rich experience a great deal of difficulty attending DC/VA/MD most prestigious private/independent schools. I am curious about this notion????? Is it true? Do other socioeconomic classes struggle in this environmentl, are they less accepted, look upon/treated differently, or simply left out?

We are a low middle class family that will be receiving financial aid to attend a more sought after private school this fall; we were hopeful that class would not be an issue and that DC would fit in fine and adjust to the learning environment; are we fooling ourselves???

Concerned Parent new to the Independent School Scene

Thanks for the Responses

[Anonymous]

Which school? There is a difference depending on which school is why I ask.

[Anonymous]

I was a scholarship kid at an exlcusive independent school in another metro area. Sure, there were times I was uncomfortable - but mostly it was just that I wanted all of the "stuff" the other girls had. Simple envy. I was cetainly never ostracized or treated differently by my peers just because of our financial status.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Pardon my typos. Typing quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which school? There is a difference depending on which school is why I ask.

District of Columbia Independent School. State the schools in the city where this can be an issue and provide specific examples if possible.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not fooling yourself. We are in the same boat at one of the Big Three. You will find people insanely wealthy people (the owners of the banks, newspapers, etc.), the "middle class" rich (law firm partners, doctors, etc.), the relatively poor (dual income, upper middle class by most standards, but in the upside down world of independent schools, decidely poor), and the truly poor (mainly single moms). But you will come to find that once you've gained admission, you're part of the school family. Over time, most people don't really seem to notice. Or if they do, it really doesn't make a difference. It's sometimes depressing knowing that but for the fact that you're going to Fancy School A and a member of the Club, they might be snotty, condescending, or simply ignore you. But I suppose that's reality. My view is that my DS [our family is not quite truly poor, but our single income of 175k still puts us in the "poor" category] benefits in so many ways now and in the future from being around children of privilege. The irony is that I know that even the insanely wealthy seem to think the same in reverse.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private school in the area that had a reputation for having mainly wealthy families. My parents were both government employees and, while we were upper-middle class, I had the impression that we had significantly less money than most other families at the school. Funny thing, though, was that it did not make a bit of difference. Nobody talked about money, only a small group of students seemed interested in expensive products (cars, clothes, etc.), and I don't think anyone knew who received scholarships and financial A few of the super-rich kids (we did know (or at least thought we knew) who the super-rich were) seemed to have had family money from multiple generations back or were real estate developers's kids, and neither of these categories seemed all that impressive or interesting to us high schoolers. We were much more interested in the parents who were journalists, researchers and doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not fooling yourself. We are in the same boat at one of the Big Three. You will find people insanely wealthy people (the owners of the banks, newspapers, etc.), the "middle class" rich (law firm partners, doctors, etc.), the relatively poor (dual income, upper middle class by most standards, but in the upside down world of independent schools, decidely poor), and the truly poor (mainly single moms). But you will come to find that once you've gained admission, you're part of the school family. Over time, most people don't really seem to notice. Or if they do, it really doesn't make a difference. It's sometimes depressing knowing that but for the fact that you're going to Fancy School A and a member of the Club, they might be snotty, condescending, or simply ignore you. But I suppose that's reality. My view is that my DS [our family is not quite truly poor, but our single income of 175k still puts us in the "poor" category] benefits in so many ways now and in the future from being around children of privilege. The irony is that I know that even the insanely wealthy seem to think the same in reverse.

OP here thank - you for the reply. How long has your DS attended one of the Big Three? How has he adjusted?

[Anonymous]

We were more interested in the kids, not what the parents did, or what they "had".

[Anonymous]

My child has been at a suburban private school for a year. I am a working mom in a dual-income family, and we are pretty obviously less wealthly than the majority. In the burbs, part of the income differential is obvious from your address, and its even more obvious when you see the houses, on top of them having SAHM's instead of working moms. I have a nice enough house, but it looks like a playhouse compared to the mansions some people live in. And these are your child's classmates houses, where you go for birthday parties and playdates. Its a little intimidating for me, but its my own issue. None of these "rich" people have ever said anything about it - they are all perfectly nice, although some of the richer moms obviously flock together - I'm sure they have more in common with each other. I wonder how we got our child in to the school in the first place, although we aren't that much lower on the scale than some, its just hard to figure out what average is when one child is taking the family jet on vacation and another is spending a month at their family home in France. Anyway, I love our school, the teachers are great and the parents are really nice. You just have to realize that you aren't in the same league as some families at the school, but the kids are all pretty similar, at least at the primary school age. It may get harder as they get older - my child already has asked for a cell phone because a classmate has one. These kids can't even dial a phone yet and they have cell phones lol - thats a whole different post I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a private school in the area that had a reputation for having mainly wealthy families. My parents were both government employees and, while we were upper-middle class, I had the impression that we had significantly less money than most other families at the school. Funny thing, though, was that it did not make a bit of difference. Nobody talked about money, only a small group of students seemed interested in expensive products (cars, clothes, etc.), and I don't think anyone knew who received scholarships and financial A few of the super-rich kids (we did know (or at least thought we knew) who the super-rich were) seemed to have had family money from multiple generations back or were real estate developers's kids, and neither of these categories seemed all that impressive or interesting to us high schoolers. We were much more interested in the parents who were journalists, researchers and doctors.

Excellent point regarding occupations. At my private school (one of Big Three), there were some parents, the super rich, who were basically old money or trust fund babies. Yes, the fact that they were super rich was generally well known. But it's not like on Parent Day one of these parents will come into a class and talk about how they're basically do-nothings living off the fat of great-grand dad's wise investments. Even folks who did real estate development or worked for a hedge fun - really, how much can you say that a class of kids, at any age, would really care. It's actually the "poorer" parents - the ones working for WWF, NIH, the National Gallery, the State Department or Department of Justice, in the armed forces, or on the Hill, to name a few, who truly dazzled and inspired at such events. Ironic.

[Anonymous]

your kid will be fine if you instill in him/her that money etc... does not make or break them. easy to say hard to do i know. i went to a private school on scholarship and was blown away and the money and lifestyles sometimes. sometimes it did hinder me in regards to the things/activities that i couldn't do b/c i didn't have the money ie: expensive spring breaks, etc... your child will be okay but may have a few bumps along the way (which he/she would have in some other area at some point as well even if money were not an issue). washington is a wonderful place with many wonderful people but there are also lots of social climbers. i have found the true social climbers are usually the people in the class right below the big time vips. they are trying to get to the vip status to no avail. many of the vips are quite friendly and open to all as they've already made the "big time" and have nothing to prove. good luck.

[Anonymous]

DH went to Sidwell back in the day, and from what I can tell, the demographic pies wasn't too different then than it is now (in the high school.) His class included senators' kids and kids who were certifiably poor, not DC-poor but actually poor.

At the point of graduation, the best-loved members of his class were the funny, smart and innovative kids, regardless of their parents' incomes. The wealthiest kids tended to be lifers, at Sidwell since preK. This group, how shall I put this, did not overlap perfectly with the funny, smart and innovative group.

[Anonymous]

I liked 22:10's redefinition of wealth classes. I reminded me of a series that the NYT did a while ago about what it means to be rich - in a nutshell: believing that a little extra wealth will get you to the next step in achieving your dreams. Why are we never content?!

We would probably be on the higher end of the "Middle Class" group that 22:10 spoke of. But my mom came from a dirt poor (not even humble) start in a 3rd world country. My dad still works and will likely do so until the end of his days. DH's mom works retail, and DH's father was the son of a govn't servant.

DH & I worked really hard for a lo-o-o-ng time before having kids. There were definitely times when paychecks ran thin, and a solid decade of no vacations. Now, we can live comfortably on one salary, have a large house in a nice part of town, drive fancy cars, take fancy vacations and write a check for our kid's expensive school without thinking twice.

Just because we are currently in a position of affluence does not mean that we don't have a clue what it is like to *not* have means. Don't assume all rich people are lazy, mindless nincompoops who look down on the rest of the world and are uninteresting 'lifers'!

Congratulations to your DC on getting into his/her new school - don't worry about who's rich!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I liked 22:10's redefinition of wealth classes. I reminded me of a series that the NYT did a while ago about what it means to be rich - in a nutshell: believing that a little extra wealth will get you to the next step in achieving your dreams. Why are we never content?!

We would probably be on the higher end of the "Middle Class" group that 22:10 spoke of. But my mom came from a dirt poor (not even humble) start in a 3rd world country. My dad still works and will likely do so until the end of his days. DH's mom works retail, and DH's father was the son of a govn't servant.

DH & I worked really hard for a lo-o-o-ng time before having kids. There were definitely times when paychecks ran thin, and a solid decade of no vacations. Now, we can live comfortably on one salary, have a large house in a nice part of town, drive fancy cars, take fancy vacations and write a check for our kid's expensive school without thinking twice.

Just because we are currently in a position of affluence does not mean that we don't have a clue what it is like to *not* have means. Don't assume all rich people are lazy, mindless nincompoops who look down on the rest of the world and are uninteresting 'lifers'!

Congratulations to your DC on getting into his/her new school - don't worry about who's rich!

OP Here - Not really worried about who's rich. Just concerned about whether students/parents that do not come from upper middle/wealthy class are treated differently. I do not want to be seen as the family that provides economic diversity therefore our thoughts, opinions, and concerns are ignored or overlooked.

We are excited about DC's new school!! However it is bothersome when we take DC to camp and we greet parents and they act as if you do not exsist. This is rude and elitest. Just want to be sure they are more folks with your attitude and less with their noses in the air.