Parents who are home by 5-6pm from work - what do you do?

[Anonymous]

My husband is a surgeon so he leaves the house by 6am and is usually home by 5 unless there is an emergency

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a surgeon so he leaves the house by 6am and is usually home by 5 unless there is an emergency

Surgeons are somewhat special. They are rigidly scheduled and encouraged not to overwork since there are such small tolerances for error.

[Anonymous]

I’m also in biglaw litigation but spend 6am-9am and 5-8pm with my kids every day. Firm doesn’t require in office work so I WFH. Pretty sure your DH does not have to go in everyday, OP. Most firms aren’t requiring full time in office. My spouse does the same, but he’s non-biglaw at a corporate office.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that all the guys staying late aren't really working or they COULD leave earlier if they wanted to. Several guys I know arrive at 9:30 or 10 am, take an hour lunch (we only get 30 min free), talk all day and then "can't get their work done" by 4:30. One told me that he struggles with how hard the dinner/bedtime routine is with his preschoolers, so he likes coming home late (leaving his wife to do all that work?!).

As a female manager it's frustrating to see all of this. I'm not saying that all people who arrive home after 6pm are doing this, but a great deal of men are playing this game. Why exactly can't they show up at 7am and work until 4:30 or 5? Or 7-3:30, which is 8.5 hours. Working 10-6pm is a CHOICE usually. And yeah, it's usually men. Work smarter, not longer hours!

[Anonymous]

DH is a big law partner. He's with our kids from 7-8 am and 5:45-8 pm. Eats breakfast and dinner with us every single day then works after dinner. Yes he has flexibility as a partner but did this as a senior associate too. It's a choice he makes.

[Anonymous]

So you’ve set yourself up for some hard trade offs long term because DH makes so much more than you. Could you live comfortably on a fed salary plus your income ($235k ish)? You could but it will take careful planning to ensure you don’t have a bunch of debt payments like car loans, your mortgage is reasonable, student loans are paid off etc. I’m guessing DH works so much because he feels like he needs to make counsel or partner or at least leverage a client relationship for an excellent in house position making at least $250k. And he is probably right. You don’t make $400k in law spending all sorts of great family time, taking kids to doctors etc. honestly you’d probably be better off quitting and going all in on DHs career for a few years unless you want a huge pay cut for him in exchange for more time. 65k a year WFH can’t be that fulfilling of a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both of us can walk to work in 15-20 min or bike in 5 min (couch to office time). this also means we don't need cars.
(think georgetown to K street)

I'm shocked at how long some people commute and how much money they spend on transport, when they don't even seem to have time to enjoy their suburban spreads.

we calculated that walking to work allowed us to buy 300-400K 'more house'. so we spent that money to buy a place not far from work.

Hopefully neither of your jobs involve math because no one’s commute cost that doesn’t involve regular flying would come anywhere near $300-$400k.

Interest rate of 2.5-3.5% implies about 10K/year on transit costs. I think they know more about finance than most people. Seems like a calc from accounting 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a surgeon so he leaves the house by 6am and is usually home by 5 unless there is an emergency

Surgeons are somewhat special. They are rigidly scheduled and encouraged not to overwork since there are such small tolerances for error.

The last person I want operating on my son is some late 50s guy who has been on his feet all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a surgeon so he leaves the house by 6am and is usually home by 5 unless there is an emergency

Surgeons are somewhat special. They are rigidly scheduled and encouraged not to overwork since there are such small tolerances for error.

The last person I want operating on my son is some late 50s guy who has been on his feet all day.

I think you are supporting my point, why the eye roll?

[Anonymous]

I teach in an elementary school. I try to leave by 4 p.m. and the commute is just under 2 miles. I sit down around 8 or 9 p.m. and work a few more hours, but I'm home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also in biglaw litigation but spend 6am-9am and 5-8pm with my kids every day. Firm doesn’t require in office work so I WFH. Pretty sure your DH does not have to go in everyday, OP. Most firms aren’t requiring full time in office. My spouse does the same, but he’s non-biglaw at a corporate office.

When do you people sleep? You do a 14-hour day every day M-F?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that all the guys staying late aren't really working or they COULD leave earlier if they wanted to. Several guys I know arrive at 9:30 or 10 am, take an hour lunch (we only get 30 min free), talk all day and then "can't get their work done" by 4:30. One told me that he struggles with how hard the dinner/bedtime routine is with his preschoolers, so he likes coming home late (leaving his wife to do all that work?!).

As a female manager it's frustrating to see all of this. I'm not saying that all people who arrive home after 6pm are doing this, but a great deal of men are playing this game. Why exactly can't they show up at 7am and work until 4:30 or 5? Or 7-3:30, which is 8.5 hours. Working 10-6pm is a CHOICE usually. And yeah, it's usually men. Work smarter, not longer hours!

If they’re sleeping in until 9AM and coming home just in time for the kids to go to bed seems like they’re the smart ones? More sleep, less hassle at home or duties take your pick and they miss rush hour to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that all the guys staying late aren't really working or they COULD leave earlier if they wanted to. Several guys I know arrive at 9:30 or 10 am, take an hour lunch (we only get 30 min free), talk all day and then "can't get their work done" by 4:30. One told me that he struggles with how hard the dinner/bedtime routine is with his preschoolers, so he likes coming home late (leaving his wife to do all that work?!).

As a female manager it's frustrating to see all of this. I'm not saying that all people who arrive home after 6pm are doing this, but a great deal of men are playing this game. Why exactly can't they show up at 7am and work until 4:30 or 5? Or 7-3:30, which is 8.5 hours. Working 10-6pm is a CHOICE usually. And yeah, it's usually men. Work smarter, not longer hours!

If they’re sleeping in until 9AM and coming home just in time for the kids to go to bed seems like they’re the smart ones? More sleep, less hassle at home or duties take your pick and they miss rush hour to boot.

Sure if you don't care about your kids, your wife or your marriage.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I now both work from home but we’ve had schedules that let us be home at a reasonable time our whole careers. I’m a fed and have been for years. I typically work 8:45-5:30 these days so I can help get the kids out the door. DH is now a computer programmer with a lot of European colleagues and we’re now in CA where there aren’t school buses. He typically works about 6:45-745 am, breaks to help get kids out the door / drive to school and then breaks again to get kids at after care (5:30, sometimes earlier). In the summer he did early camp pickups and just worked a few hours nights / weekends if needed.

When we lived in DC my commute was 35 mins and our first kid went to daycare in my office building. I’d get there at 8 to drop her off and be at my work by 8:30 (in the days when I was nursing). That meant pickup at 5:15, nurse, home a bit after 6.

[Anonymous]

I work 6 am-2 pm. Fed.