When someone tells you they are not available ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

NP here - I view a weekend as having - at most - 2 optional social slots. I might be able to do one adult social thing on Saturday and one adult social thing on Sunday, but even that's a stretch. Most weekends, I'd only fit one in, unless it was something really easy, like talking with a friend while walking our dogs.

I'm an ambivert, but I work in the office all week and have a long commute. My husband also works fulltime and has some additional commitments, which take up quite a bit of time. Our child is very young and requires a lot of attention. I need the weekends to recharge myself, spend time with my family, and get myself organized (groceries, laundry, etc.). If I try to fit too many extra things in, we all just end up frazzled and grumpy, and I start to dread seeing friends rather than enjoying the get-togethers. Maybe when my kid gets older - and if/when I transition to a new job closer to home....but even then, I can't see my family EVER transitioning to 5-10 social slots per weekend. Even when I was single and in an easier job, I couldn't usually pull off 5 activities in one weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that people make time for what is important to them. I would take this to mean she's not interested in maintaining the friendship, and that's OK. Sometimes, people have different priorities.

This. Let it go. She will surface again when she has time/ if she wants to. You can decide if you have any tine for her then.

[Anonymous]

I am single, raising 2 teens, and working 60 hours a week since Trump/Doge.
I no longer go out. I do not make weekend plans because I am just trying to keep my head above water.
I know I am going to lose friends. It is what it is. At least I like my coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

NP here - I view a weekend as having - at most - 2 optional social slots. I might be able to do one adult social thing on Saturday and one adult social thing on Sunday, but even that's a stretch. Most weekends, I'd only fit one in, unless it was something really easy, like talking with a friend while walking our dogs.

I'm an ambivert, but I work in the office all week and have a long commute. My husband also works fulltime and has some additional commitments, which take up quite a bit of time. Our child is very young and requires a lot of attention. I need the weekends to recharge myself, spend time with my family, and get myself organized (groceries, laundry, etc.). If I try to fit too many extra things in, we all just end up frazzled and grumpy, and I start to dread seeing friends rather than enjoying the get-togethers. Maybe when my kid gets older - and if/when I transition to a new job closer to home....but even then, I can't see my family EVER transitioning to 5-10 social slots per weekend. Even when I was single and in an easier job, I couldn't usually pull off 5 activities in one weekend!

No one is doing 10 social slots per weekend.

Between my three kids, we can have 5-10 different events. Last weekend, my kids each had a sport or activity each on both Sat and Sunday. I would say that is 6 events. Then my one kid had a birthday party, we had an adult only couple dinner, family was invited to a Diwali party. That is 9 different events.

This weekend, we had 2 activities today and DH is still out at a work event. Tomorrow my kids all have an event each, then we have a Halloween party, on Sunday, the kids all have an event each and we may go to another community Halloween event. 10-11 events this weekend depending on if you include DH’s work thing tonight.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I would say there is room for 3 social slots per weekend.

I don’t necessarily think my kid having a birthday party should prevent me from making plans with an adult friend. Our kids are all drop off age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

Move on. She has no interest in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is either uninterested or too busy or she has mental health challenges.

I think it is spectacular mental health to not be a YES woman and to be honest about not being available. There are people out here in the world that have different obligations and priorities than you. They are not carbon copies of you and your lifestyle and you are not entitled to their time. It’s amazing to me how other women think they are going to just come along and pick you off a shelf “to play” when they get good and ready.

Well I offered two other possibilities, chill

How incredibly generous of you. Be sure to put her back on the shelf when you are done with her.

You are absolutely ridiculous. Just FYI.

NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That often is us. It is not that we hate you or even dislike you. It does mean we really are fully booked at present -- and at least for the next few months.

We work OOH. We juggle children, school runs, afterschool commitments, church commitments (and we sometimes cannot manage to get to church if someone at home is sick), have meals ready on time, laundry done, basic housekeeping, and keeping groceries and such stocked.

These are just…absolutely ordinary things that damn near everyone else are doing too. You know that, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is either uninterested or too busy or she has mental health challenges.

I think it is spectacular mental health to not be a YES woman and to be honest about not being available. There are people out here in the world that have different obligations and priorities than you. They are not carbon copies of you and your lifestyle and you are not entitled to their time. It’s amazing to me how other women think they are going to just come along and pick you off a shelf “to play” when they get good and ready.

Well I offered two other possibilities, chill

How incredibly generous of you. Be sure to put her back on the shelf when you are done with her.

You are absolutely ridiculous. Just FYI.

NP

Lol, smooches…I love you too. You want me to keep the thread alive don’t you? Well I will, but only for you will I gracefully step down off my shelf. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That often is us. It is not that we hate you or even dislike you. It does mean we really are fully booked at present -- and at least for the next few months.

We work OOH. We juggle children, school runs, afterschool commitments, church commitments (and we sometimes cannot manage to get to church if someone at home is sick), have meals ready on time, laundry done, basic housekeeping, and keeping groceries and such stocked.

These are just…absolutely ordinary things that damn near everyone else are doing too. You know that, right?

So… you’re going to force this person to socialize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

If she works plus 2-3 kids then yes she is probably booked plus if it is a group trying to get together planning gets difficult. Try a one on one quick 30 minute meet up for coffee or a walk. That should be easier on her especially if you offer other come to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That often is us. It is not that we hate you or even dislike you. It does mean we really are fully booked at present -- and at least for the next few months.

We work OOH. We juggle children, school runs, afterschool commitments, church commitments (and we sometimes cannot manage to get to church if someone at home is sick), have meals ready on time, laundry done, basic housekeeping, and keeping groceries and such stocked.

These are just…absolutely ordinary things that damn near everyone else are doing too. You know that, right?

So… you’re going to force this person to socialize?

No, if someone says they don't have any time for the rest of the year I believe them and find others to socialize with.