I recently realized that my 13 y.o. daughter is comparing her attractiveness to mine, so I need to step up my game

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD 12 is quick to notice my grays coming in and will say something like hey mom, when is your next hair appointment? Ha ha, she keeps me on my toes.

However you take care of yourself do it because it makes YOU feel good. You are a role model for your daughter. Please don’t compete with her.


My tween notices my greys and says they're beautiful and look like silver in the light. I said I might dye them and she said, why, they're nice.


That is super sweet! I’m in favor of taking care of yourself, being heathy, well-groomed and stylish. But I don’t think covering gray hair fits into that. There is nothing wrong with gray hair and dyeing it just feeds into the mantra that in order to be attractive, you need to try and pretend like you are younger. You can be attractive and stylish at any age regardless of your hair color.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?
Anonymous
This thread is so messed up. And a 10/12 is not obese you are not a size 2 because time and having children. Geez.
Anonymous
This is really weird.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


thank you for your response PP. I agree with you, but I think the PP you are responding to is a troll. I hope they are.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL


DP. Wow. You are very hateful.


Expand your vocabulary beyond WOW. Not everyone wants to be overweight like you and your friends.


Tommy, stop playing on your mom's computer and go outside.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL


DP. Wow. You are very hateful.

I’m pretty sure you are responding to a teenage troll.
Anonymous
Trolling is actually not an unreasonable response to the OP.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I recently realized that my 13 year-old daughter started comparing herself to me in terms of beauty, attractiveness, femininity.

So I can no longer be simply the cuddly "mama bear", but I feel like I need to become a more attractive woman myself in order for her to feel proud of me.

By the way, I think that her new approach is completely normal, so I don't mean this as a criticism.

I must confess that I am no longer as attractive/thin/put-together as before her birth, and I need to put in more effort. (I went from a size 2 to currently a size 10/12).

I remember back as a teen I considered my mom to be fat, ugly, unattractive, and I think she was all that. But I don't want to be.

Somehow most of the moms at my daughter's school seem to be older than me, so this issue hasn't occurred to me. But recently at an event I saw a girl my daughter's age with an attractive mother, and I wished I were that mom.

Did you have similar insights when your daughters reached their teenage years?

Thanks in advance.


I definitely just thought of my mom as a mom. Not attractive, not unattractive just mom. I did like to borrow some her clothes and definitely her boots but that’s the extent of me thinking about her appearance.

I suspect the same of my 12 yo. I’m mom, she likes some of my shoes and occasionally borrows my clothes but I doubt she doesn’t think about my appearance anymore than that.

I hope you get to a place where you are comfortable with your appearance. You are her mom, that is what she cares about first and foremost. You can always turn her observations of you appearance into a discussion about what traits physical or not that you share and what she gets from her father. My daughter likes to talk about those things.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


Wait is having a mom who wore makeup and constantly dieted “generational trauma” now? I’m going to break the cycle of going for the “top-shelf” words to describe everything which inevitably leads to words losing all meaning. (aka I will teach my daughter not to be a drama queen like so many of the grown women posting in this thread)
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


Wait is having a mom who wore makeup and constantly dieted “generational trauma” now? I’m going to break the cycle of going for the “top-shelf” words to describe everything which inevitably leads to words losing all meaning. (aka I will teach my daughter not to be a drama queen like so many of the grown women posting in this thread)


And yet, you are the one posting some of the nastiest, most ridiculous drama-inducing nonsense on the thread.

Seriously, Jimmy, stop playing on mommy's computer. Go back to your Xbox.
Anonymous
My mother used to say all the time she had an ugly nose, a big belly and stick thin legs, she always commented jow unsatisfied she was with her looks, and that’s how I saw her until I grew up and realized she was way prettier than she thought. But if you asked me at 13 about my mom’s looks, I’d repeat a compilation of her comments word by word. So I guess kids see us the way we see us?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


Wait is having a mom who wore makeup and constantly dieted “generational trauma” now? I’m going to break the cycle of going for the “top-shelf” words to describe everything which inevitably leads to words losing all meaning. (aka I will teach my daughter not to be a drama queen like so many of the grown women posting in this thread)

You are clearly a troll and probably dont even have children (and maybe arent even a woman), but I'll take the bait.

Instilling insecurity about your looks and how society views you can be very damaging. Talking badly about yourself and other womens looks shows children that its OK to talk about themselves and others that way. Calling women you have never met ugly frumpy fat and obese is definitely damaging and not something you should encourage your child to tell anyone. Having respect for humans for whats on the inside is never a bad lesson to learn, perhaps you should focus on that for a while.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


Wait is having a mom who wore makeup and constantly dieted “generational trauma” now? I’m going to break the cycle of going for the “top-shelf” words to describe everything which inevitably leads to words losing all meaning. (aka I will teach my daughter not to be a drama queen like so many of the grown women posting in this thread)

You are clearly a troll and probably dont even have children (and maybe arent even a woman), but I'll take the bait.

Instilling insecurity about your looks and how society views you can be very damaging. Talking badly about yourself and other womens looks shows children that its OK to talk about themselves and others that way. Calling women you have never met ugly frumpy fat and obese is definitely damaging and not something you should encourage your child to tell anyone. Having respect for humans for whats on the inside is never a bad lesson to learn, perhaps you should focus on that for a while.


This is an insane reaction but I suppose it was my fault for not specifying “DP” on my previous post (ie I didn’t call anyone any names, I merely object to the usage of the term “generational trauma” coming within a mile of anything described in this thread).
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be blunt, OP: your post gives vibes of deep-seated insecurity with appearances and body issues.

Your job as a mom with regard to your daughter's body is to 1.) encourage your daughter to have good hygiene/nutrition/exercise habits and avoid drugs and alcohol, and 2.) have a good mental health approach and relationship to body stuff.
For the record, if dad is in the picture, this is his job, too.

If you want to up your game for YOU that's fine/great!

But comparing yourself to other moms, especially relative to size and age, is doing your daughter zero favors.

Also, be was pretty as you can be: your daughter will likely still be somewhat embarrassed by you for a variety of silly teen reasons.



Ha ha. Very true. I am one of the younger, "prettier" mothers in my daughter's circle, and she still pokes fun at me. Very rarely, I will come down in the morning, and she will look me up and down approvingly and say "you look nice today". HIGH PRAISE from a 13 year old girl!!! Nothing makes her happier than when I have an event and *I ask her opinion on what I should wear*. It sets her up so much! She has an eye for color, and usually her suggestions are appropriate for a 40-something mother.

Maybe you could ask your daughter to look through some of your outfits, and that will teach her to dress you for the figure you have, not the figure she wishes you had? And maybe you could go shopping together.



And another shallow twit.

This is why women just can't break the cycle. Because of other women.


This made me laugh! What does “ break the cycle” even mean? You want everyone to be like you? An ugly frumpy fat woman who is “not shallow” because she is obese. LOL

Why do you think people who value things other than outward appearances are automatically "obese"? Why is that your go to insult to women?

Break the cycle as in stop passing down generational trauma from our parents to our children. Learn better ways to communicate and relate. Do better in supporting their dreams and ambitions and raising them to be kind and empathetic human beings. You know, like not calling randos on the internet "ugly frumpy fat obese"?


Wait is having a mom who wore makeup and constantly dieted “generational trauma” now? I’m going to break the cycle of going for the “top-shelf” words to describe everything which inevitably leads to words losing all meaning. (aka I will teach my daughter not to be a drama queen like so many of the grown women posting in this thread)


And yet, you are the one posting some of the nastiest, most ridiculous drama-inducing nonsense on the thread.

Seriously, Jimmy, stop playing on mommy's computer. Go back to your Xbox.


You realize the multiple people can respond to each post, don’t you? It’s obvious to me that there are at least four different people participating in this very conversation within this thread…
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