Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of places in the DC area which are middle class and not competitive UMC environments OP.

You can choose to live in a super competitive school district or go to an expensive private school, or you can live in a less expensive area with decent mid tier public schools, even in the DC area. The choice is yours OP.

Not OP, but again, I completely reject this. We moved out to Loudoun County, to a diverse area with middling public schools. Our MS/HS hover around a 4 on Great Schools. While this did maybe result in less academic competition (in numbers of kids, the competitive kids are still competitive), there is still tremendous financial competition. My husband and I call it the "arms race" and its definitely contagious. Some people cannot stand when others have something better than they do and must immediately remedy the situation. Tons of fancy 60-70k SUVs (the latest trend seems to be a fully loaded Tahoe), $100k kitchens, second homes, new cars for teenagers, expensive name brand clothing and shoes (most teens are wearing a sneaker that costs $150+) etc. You would have to be blind or oblivious not to notice. A friend of mine recently told me she no longer wants to host at her home because she is embarrassed that her kitchen is old and not remodeled.

I'm pretty sure Loudon county is the richest county in Virginia, or actually the entire country. So not only do you live in the middle of nowhere, but you have crappy schools and you didn't remotely escape that striver mindset.

I’m not going to bother explaining statistics to you, but highest median household income does not equal net worth or even mean/average household income. Most of the families doing all this striving are barely breaking $300k. They are just terrible with money and value superficial things.

Ok? What's your point? I understand statistics, thanks. The point is that the person saying they moved to Loudon County and are then shocked that they're surrounded by strivers missed the memo that that's exactly the kind of person who lives in Loudon County.

I’m that poster and Loudoun County is not a monolith. My kids high school has 40% of students on free and reduced lunch. Saying the medical HHI in Loudoun is over $100k doesn’t mean every (or even most) families in Loudoun are UMC.

There are definitely some people who try to keep up with the Joneses or keep up appearances. They are everywhere- Arlington, McLean, Vienna, Bethesda, Potomac, Chevy Chase and I guess also Ashburn. This is not the majority of people.

I honestly don’t know what cars our friends drive. I only care if the kids are decent kids.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. What I meant was the majority of people in those areas don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. That is a minority of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Yes, I despise this culture and it seems to be ubiquitous in all the DMV affluent areas. So shallow and boring, producing so many vapid and uber-spoiled kids.

Yes. We moved from DC a few yrs ago to a mid sized middle class town. My teen has zero interest in lululemon, Starbucks, Stanley cups and high end skincare and makeup. It just isn’t on her radar at all, or that of her friends’ and schoolmates from what I gather.

I always hear about Lululemon online. Lululemon is really not all that expensive. I have boys though who don’t care about brands.

I grew up in an affluent neighborhood. I was very confident and always got a lot of attention from the guys. A cute dress doesn’t have to be brand name. Your makeup also doesn’t have to be expensive.

Even as a middle aged woman, I see woman who spend a lot of money on makeup and that doesn’t mean she is prettier.

Teach your girls to be confident.

My friend was looking for gifts for her teen nieces and nephews. I said I read online about Stanley cups and Lululemon. She just bought it and didn’t consider it an expensive gift. Same with uggs or crocs. I hardly think these items are expensive.

Really? You don’t think $100 leggings, $120 hoodie, $45 water bottle and $100 slippers, $50 eye shadow palette is totally normal for a 12 yr old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, telling people "whatever you're just mad because your kids can't keep up" is really proving the OP's point.

The real issue is that I don't want to raise my kid somewhere that requires her to be "the best" in order to feel good about herself. I of course encourage her to try her best and she has things she's great at (school) and things she struggles with (sports). That's normal and will not inhibit her ability to have a successful, good life.

So we're moving to an area where it's totally okay to be a math whiz with no hand-eye coordination, are a B student who does student government and rec soccer, or a band geek who is saving up babysitting money to buy a keyboard because she wants to start a ruck band. In places that are not ultra-competitive, all of these kids would be described in the community as "great kids." Because they are! Well I have a great kid too, and I'm tired of living somewhere where anyone sees her as lacking because she isn't an elite athlete who speaks three languages, has been to four continents, and gets straight As. She's not lacking, our family isn't lacking, this area is just nuts.

So yeah, I guess we just couldn't hack it.

So if you’re an unathletic dork you can’t live in dc?

+1 I don't know a single kid in DC who qualifies for all, or even half, of her superlatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of places in the DC area which are middle class and not competitive UMC environments OP.


Life is only competitive if you make it that way.

This is us, too, but there can be stealth competition in this lifestyle. Like this PP might be totally chill. But she could also be weirdly competitive about how her kids immersion or montessori charter is better than wherever your kids go, or how they're more environmentally conscious because they metro everywhere, or brag endlessly about they would NEVER do Disney because it's so corporate but they had an amazing time on their 10 day camping trip in the Alps last summer.

I've met people who seemed down to earth like this but I think this area has so many type A, personally competitive people that even if you get away from the really overt, hyper-materislistic people, you still sometimes encounter one-upsmanship and other competitive behaviors.

And yes, of course there are people like this everywhere. But I've lived a lot of places and there are more people like this here than in places in "fly over country" where people's expectations for themselves and other people tend to be lower.

honest question- what good does it do you to have low expectations? if you are choosing to excel in whatever area of growth is important to you, how is having high expectations and exposure to a lot of ideas and competition in that field bad for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, telling people "whatever you're just mad because your kids can't keep up" is really proving the OP's point.

The real issue is that I don't want to raise my kid somewhere that requires her to be "the best" in order to feel good about herself. I of course encourage her to try her best and she has things she's great at (school) and things she struggles with (sports). That's normal and will not inhibit her ability to have a successful, good life.

So we're moving to an area where it's totally okay to be a math whiz with no hand-eye coordination, are a B student who does student government and rec soccer, or a band geek who is saving up babysitting money to buy a keyboard because she wants to start a ruck band. In places that are not ultra-competitive, all of these kids would be described in the community as "great kids." Because they are! Well I have a great kid too, and I'm tired of living somewhere where anyone sees her as lacking because she isn't an elite athlete who speaks three languages, has been to four continents, and gets straight As. She's not lacking, our family isn't lacking, this area is just nuts.

So yeah, I guess we just couldn't hack it.

Whether a person feels good about themselves is something internal, not something external. What happens when she eventually encounters people who speaks 3 languages, etc.? Will she feel bad about herself and make sure she also moves to an area where she never sees these people? Or will she feel confident that she's great even if she doesn't have those skills?

Self-worth is internal but it has to built -- it's not inborn. Kids develop self-worth when they have the opportunity to experiment and both succeed AND fail. In fact failure is essential to building self-worth because the more kids see that they can try something, be bad at it, and still be accepted and cared for, the more they understand that they have intrinsic worth that isn't linked to performing at a certain level.

Kids in hyper-competitive environments often have a severe fear of failure, because they are given so few opportunities to do it. They are started in sports, activities, and academic enrichment at a young age in order to ensure that they always make the team, win the aware, get into the honors class, etc. Parent invest in preparing their kids to compete with the goal of ensuring their kid will be competitive from the jump. And frequently kids who are just okay at something after a year or two are pulled from that activity because it's deemed "not a good fit" and their parents will go searching for something they can excel at.

So yes, in this environment you might wind up with a kid who gets perfect grades in all honors classes (especially since you started him in Russian Math in kindergarten and hired a writing tutor in 2nd grade), makes varsity baseball his sophomore year (ditched soccer after a season because he was middling, hired a hitting coach when he was 9, sent him to the best camps you could find from grade 2 and up), plays the piano (violin didn't work out even though he liked it more, but with piano you can drill more because you play), speaks Mandarin (immersion school staring in PK plus tutors). But he will believe that his worth comes from that success, not from something else inside that can't be undermined by failure. So if he goes to college and flounders a bit, or struggles to make friends, or discovers that while he's a varsity athlete he's not D1 material, or while he's a good student, he can't hack it in med school, it will be terrifying. His whole identity is "the best." Well there are a lot of people working at being the best at all kinds of things in this world. One day he won't be the best. Then what?

B student serving in student government playing rec soccer might actually be a more confident, resilient person because that kid understands that it's okay not to be the best at something. You're still a worthwhile person, and it's okay to do things just because you enjoy them or because it's a good way to meet people or hang out with friends, and not just about achieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, telling people "whatever you're just mad because your kids can't keep up" is really proving the OP's point.

The real issue is that I don't want to raise my kid somewhere that requires her to be "the best" in order to feel good about herself. I of course encourage her to try her best and she has things she's great at (school) and things she struggles with (sports). That's normal and will not inhibit her ability to have a successful, good life.

So we're moving to an area where it's totally okay to be a math whiz with no hand-eye coordination, are a B student who does student government and rec soccer, or a band geek who is saving up babysitting money to buy a keyboard because she wants to start a ruck band. In places that are not ultra-competitive, all of these kids would be described in the community as "great kids." Because they are! Well I have a great kid too, and I'm tired of living somewhere where anyone sees her as lacking because she isn't an elite athlete who speaks three languages, has been to four continents, and gets straight As. She's not lacking, our family isn't lacking, this area is just nuts.

So yeah, I guess we just couldn't hack it.

Whether a person feels good about themselves is something internal, not something external. What happens when she eventually encounters people who speaks 3 languages, etc.? Will she feel bad about herself and make sure she also moves to an area where she never sees these people? Or will she feel confident that she's great even if she doesn't have those skills?

Self-worth is internal but it has to built -- it's not inborn. Kids develop self-worth when they have the opportunity to experiment and both succeed AND fail. In fact failure is essential to building self-worth because the more kids see that they can try something, be bad at it, and still be accepted and cared for, the more they understand that they have intrinsic worth that isn't linked to performing at a certain level.

Kids in hyper-competitive environments often have a severe fear of failure, because they are given so few opportunities to do it. They are started in sports, activities, and academic enrichment at a young age in order to ensure that they always make the team, win the aware, get into the honors class, etc. Parent invest in preparing their kids to compete with the goal of ensuring their kid will be competitive from the jump. And frequently kids who are just okay at something after a year or two are pulled from that activity because it's deemed "not a good fit" and their parents will go searching for something they can excel at.

So yes, in this environment you might wind up with a kid who gets perfect grades in all honors classes (especially since you started him in Russian Math in kindergarten and hired a writing tutor in 2nd grade), makes varsity baseball his sophomore year (ditched soccer after a season because he was middling, hired a hitting coach when he was 9, sent him to the best camps you could find from grade 2 and up), plays the piano (violin didn't work out even though he liked it more, but with piano you can drill more because you play), speaks Mandarin (immersion school staring in PK plus tutors). But he will believe that his worth comes from that success, not from something else inside that can't be undermined by failure. So if he goes to college and flounders a bit, or struggles to make friends, or discovers that while he's a varsity athlete he's not D1 material, or while he's a good student, he can't hack it in med school, it will be terrifying. His whole identity is "the best." Well there are a lot of people working at being the best at all kinds of things in this world. One day he won't be the best. Then what?

B student serving in student government playing rec soccer might actually be a more confident, resilient person because that kid understands that it's okay not to be the best at something. You're still a worthwhile person, and it's okay to do things just because you enjoy them or because it's a good way to meet people or hang out with friends, and not just about achieving.

So many mental gymnastics playing out here . You ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Yes, I despise this culture and it seems to be ubiquitous in all the DMV affluent areas. So shallow and boring, producing so many vapid and uber-spoiled kids.

Yes. We moved from DC a few yrs ago to a mid sized middle class town. My teen has zero interest in lululemon, Starbucks, Stanley cups and high end skincare and makeup. It just isn’t on her radar at all, or that of her friends’ and schoolmates from what I gather.

I always hear about Lululemon online. Lululemon is really not all that expensive. I have boys though who don’t care about brands.

I grew up in an affluent neighborhood. I was very confident and always got a lot of attention from the guys. A cute dress doesn’t have to be brand name. Your makeup also doesn’t have to be expensive.

Even as a middle aged woman, I see woman who spend a lot of money on makeup and that doesn’t mean she is prettier.

Teach your girls to be confident.

My friend was looking for gifts for her teen nieces and nephews. I said I read online about Stanley cups and Lululemon. She just bought it and didn’t consider it an expensive gift. Same with uggs or crocs. I hardly think these items are expensive.

Really? You don’t think $100 leggings, $120 hoodie, $45 water bottle and $100 slippers, $50 eye shadow palette is totally normal for a 12 yr old?

Exactly. It's the expectation that these kids will have clothes that cost this much, wear it for a season, and then ditch it because they grew three inches or it's no longer in fashion. It's really toxic and it's frustrating when you are trying to parent to teach your kid that those expectations are unrealistic and wasteful, when the majority families at your school or in your neighborhood are like "it's fine who cares."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Yes, I despise this culture and it seems to be ubiquitous in all the DMV affluent areas. So shallow and boring, producing so many vapid and uber-spoiled kids.

Yes. We moved from DC a few yrs ago to a mid sized middle class town. My teen has zero interest in lululemon, Starbucks, Stanley cups and high end skincare and makeup. It just isn’t on her radar at all, or that of her friends’ and schoolmates from what I gather.

I always hear about Lululemon online. Lululemon is really not all that expensive. I have boys though who don’t care about brands.

I grew up in an affluent neighborhood. I was very confident and always got a lot of attention from the guys. A cute dress doesn’t have to be brand name. Your makeup also doesn’t have to be expensive.

Even as a middle aged woman, I see woman who spend a lot of money on makeup and that doesn’t mean she is prettier.

Teach your girls to be confident.

My friend was looking for gifts for her teen nieces and nephews. I said I read online about Stanley cups and Lululemon. She just bought it and didn’t consider it an expensive gift. Same with uggs or crocs. I hardly think these items are expensive.

Really? You don’t think $100 leggings, $120 hoodie, $45 water bottle and $100 slippers, $50 eye shadow palette is totally normal for a 12 yr old?

Exactly. It's the expectation that these kids will have clothes that cost this much, wear it for a season, and then ditch it because they grew three inches or it's no longer in fashion. It's really toxic and it's frustrating when you are trying to parent to teach your kid that those expectations are unrealistic and wasteful, when the majority families at your school or in your neighborhood are like "it's fine who cares."

You moved into a wealthy neighborhood for the benefits( good schools, low crime, etc). Well, you take the costs ( being the poorest on your block). Why did you not expect this? And it's not that big of a deal to tell your kids that you cannot afford similar clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Yes, I despise this culture and it seems to be ubiquitous in all the DMV affluent areas. So shallow and boring, producing so many vapid and uber-spoiled kids.

Yes. We moved from DC a few yrs ago to a mid sized middle class town. My teen has zero interest in lululemon, Starbucks, Stanley cups and high end skincare and makeup. It just isn’t on her radar at all, or that of her friends’ and schoolmates from what I gather.

I always hear about Lululemon online. Lululemon is really not all that expensive. I have boys though who don’t care about brands.

I grew up in an affluent neighborhood. I was very confident and always got a lot of attention from the guys. A cute dress doesn’t have to be brand name. Your makeup also doesn’t have to be expensive.

Even as a middle aged woman, I see woman who spend a lot of money on makeup and that doesn’t mean she is prettier.

Teach your girls to be confident.

My friend was looking for gifts for her teen nieces and nephews. I said I read online about Stanley cups and Lululemon. She just bought it and didn’t consider it an expensive gift. Same with uggs or crocs. I hardly think these items are expensive.

Really? You don’t think $100 leggings, $120 hoodie, $45 water bottle and $100 slippers, $50 eye shadow palette is totally normal for a 12 yr old?

Exactly. It's the expectation that these kids will have clothes that cost this much, wear it for a season, and then ditch it because they grew three inches or it's no longer in fashion. It's really toxic and it's frustrating when you are trying to parent to teach your kid that those expectations are unrealistic and wasteful, when the majority families at your school or in your neighborhood are like "it's fine who cares."

Yes. And if some parents haven’t experienced this, they wouldn’t understand. But that doesn’t make it untrue, and it’s really toxic. I’ve never owned a pair of $120 pants in my life and I never plan to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It probably only feels over competitive if your kids cannot keep up. We live in McLean where it feels like everyone is smart and talented. There are plenty of kids who are average but would probably be above average in other areas. I used to say that I hated how competitive this area was. I wanted my kids to be able to get perfect grades and be at the top of the class with no effort. I wanted them to be able to walk on sports teams with no skills. My kids are all strong students and they work for it. There are some kids who are just super smart and that is ok too. I don’t feel competitive to know them. I think it is positive for my kids to be exposed to greatness.

My kids have had tons of play dates, vacations, gone to fun school events. There is no shortage of fun. They have a well rounded life. Do they wander around aimlessly and do nothing? No.

When people start talking about AAP or whatever it's called (my kids go to private so I don't know anything about public schools) in Kindergarten even though they don't do testing for it until what, third grade? That's annoying, and that, to me, is part of a competitive atmosphere. My kids are keeping up just fine (cue the people who will say they're in private because they need extra hand holding...), but listening to people talking about sending their five-year olds to a math tutor makes my eyes roll. I'm not interested in my kids being at the top of their class. They should work hard and that's enough. And luckily for my kids working hard means they get top grades. But I couldn't care less how my kids are doing relative to your kids. Nor do I care if another kid beats my kids at something. But the point people are making is that things can feel competitive because people talk about how obsessed they are with their kids being the best, and that has nothing to do with whether or not my own kids can't keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of places in the DC area which are middle class and not competitive UMC environments OP.

You can choose to live in a super competitive school district or go to an expensive private school, or you can live in a less expensive area with decent mid tier public schools, even in the DC area. The choice is yours OP.

Not OP, but again, I completely reject this. We moved out to Loudoun County, to a diverse area with middling public schools. Our MS/HS hover around a 4 on Great Schools. While this did maybe result in less academic competition (in numbers of kids, the competitive kids are still competitive), there is still tremendous financial competition. My husband and I call it the "arms race" and its definitely contagious. Some people cannot stand when others have something better than they do and must immediately remedy the situation. Tons of fancy 60-70k SUVs (the latest trend seems to be a fully loaded Tahoe), $100k kitchens, second homes, new cars for teenagers, expensive name brand clothing and shoes (most teens are wearing a sneaker that costs $150+) etc. You would have to be blind or oblivious not to notice. A friend of mine recently told me she no longer wants to host at her home because she is embarrassed that her kitchen is old and not remodeled.

Why not move to DC? I live in NE, and everyone around me has a 10 year old Honda CRV they barely use because we mostly use the bus or metro. My kids wear Amazon basics and I’m sporting the latest from Target. DH and I make a lot, but choose to spend on experiences, and kids are learning well in charter schools.

Life is only competitive if you make it that way.

This is us, too, but there can be stealth competition in this lifestyle. Like this PP might be totally chill. But she could also be weirdly competitive about how her kids immersion or montessori charter is better than wherever your kids go, or how they're more environmentally conscious because they metro everywhere, or brag endlessly about they would NEVER do Disney because it's so corporate but they had an amazing time on their 10 day camping trip in the Alps last summer.

I've met people who seemed down to earth like this but I think this area has so many type A, personally competitive people that even if you get away from the really overt, hyper-materislistic people, you still sometimes encounter one-upsmanship and other competitive behaviors.

And yes, of course there are people like this everywhere. But I've lived a lot of places and there are more people like this here than in places in "fly over country" where people's expectations for themselves and other people tend to be lower.

There’s a difference between being competitive and just being insecure. I find lots of people who choose to raise families in DC public schools to be generally less insecure because they are already making choices that insecure people would never make.

Wow, hard disagree, I see a TON of insecurity in DC public school families, especially the ones who don't have access to "well regarded" inbound schools. Either they go the charter route, where there's lots of insecurity about which charter is best, as well as these arguments (on DCUM yes but people talk about this IRL too) about test scores relative to socioecomic status of families. Or they attend their IB which might be Title 1 or have pretty atrocious test scores, and there's tons of insecurity there that can manifest as "well I'm a better person than you because I invest in my neighborhood school" or this pity party "whyyyyy don't we have any lottery luck and why is our school so weak." The lottery and the unevenness of schools in DC creates winners and losers and that absolutely leads to insecure, competitive behavior in both groups.

I'm sure the rich folks at privates or the really well funded suburban publics are insecure in their own way, but I observe endless insecurity in the DC public school parents I meet (we are a DC public school family).

What is this insecurity that you are referencing?

DH and I are both ivy educated. We have a HHI of $2-3m. Our kids get good grades, play sports, dance, do scouts, have friends from similar backgrounds. My kids are loved and happy.

I am not in competition with other moms or kids. My kids are good at almost everything and have lots of friends.

OK this is hilarious and just PEAK dcum. Chef's kiss!
1. "I am not in competition with other moms or kids."
2. "My kids are good at almost everything and have lots of friends."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of places in the DC area which are middle class and not competitive UMC environments OP.

You can choose to live in a super competitive school district or go to an expensive private school, or you can live in a less expensive area with decent mid tier public schools, even in the DC area. The choice is yours OP.

Not OP, but again, I completely reject this. We moved out to Loudoun County, to a diverse area with middling public schools. Our MS/HS hover around a 4 on Great Schools. While this did maybe result in less academic competition (in numbers of kids, the competitive kids are still competitive), there is still tremendous financial competition. My husband and I call it the "arms race" and its definitely contagious. Some people cannot stand when others have something better than they do and must immediately remedy the situation. Tons of fancy 60-70k SUVs (the latest trend seems to be a fully loaded Tahoe), $100k kitchens, second homes, new cars for teenagers, expensive name brand clothing and shoes (most teens are wearing a sneaker that costs $150+) etc. You would have to be blind or oblivious not to notice. A friend of mine recently told me she no longer wants to host at her home because she is embarrassed that her kitchen is old and not remodeled.

Why not move to DC? I live in NE, and everyone around me has a 10 year old Honda CRV they barely use because we mostly use the bus or metro. My kids wear Amazon basics and I’m sporting the latest from Target. DH and I make a lot, but choose to spend on experiences, and kids are learning well in charter schools.

Life is only competitive if you make it that way.

This is us, too, but there can be stealth competition in this lifestyle. Like this PP might be totally chill. But she could also be weirdly competitive about how her kids immersion or montessori charter is better than wherever your kids go, or how they're more environmentally conscious because they metro everywhere, or brag endlessly about they would NEVER do Disney because it's so corporate but they had an amazing time on their 10 day camping trip in the Alps last summer.

I've met people who seemed down to earth like this but I think this area has so many type A, personally competitive people that even if you get away from the really overt, hyper-materislistic people, you still sometimes encounter one-upsmanship and other competitive behaviors.

And yes, of course there are people like this everywhere. But I've lived a lot of places and there are more people like this here than in places in "fly over country" where people's expectations for themselves and other people tend to be lower.

There’s a difference between being competitive and just being insecure. I find lots of people who choose to raise families in DC public schools to be generally less insecure because they are already making choices that insecure people would never make.

Wow, hard disagree, I see a TON of insecurity in DC public school families, especially the ones who don't have access to "well regarded" inbound schools. Either they go the charter route, where there's lots of insecurity about which charter is best, as well as these arguments (on DCUM yes but people talk about this IRL too) about test scores relative to socioecomic status of families. Or they attend their IB which might be Title 1 or have pretty atrocious test scores, and there's tons of insecurity there that can manifest as "well I'm a better person than you because I invest in my neighborhood school" or this pity party "whyyyyy don't we have any lottery luck and why is our school so weak." The lottery and the unevenness of schools in DC creates winners and losers and that absolutely leads to insecure, competitive behavior in both groups.

I'm sure the rich folks at privates or the really well funded suburban publics are insecure in their own way, but I observe endless insecurity in the DC public school parents I meet (we are a DC public school family).

What is this insecurity that you are referencing?

DH and I are both ivy educated. We have a HHI of $2-3m. Our kids get good grades, play sports, dance, do scouts, have friends from similar backgrounds. My kids are loved and happy.

I am not in competition with other moms or kids. My kids are good at almost everything and have lots of friends.

OK this is hilarious and just PEAK dcum. Chef's kiss!
1. "I am not in competition with other moms or kids."
2. "My kids are good at almost everything and have lots of friends."

guarantee this is an Indian.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

Real life sucks losers dry. You want to "f" with the eagles, you gotta learn to fly.

We like to "f" with the eagles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Real life sucks losers dry. You want to "f" with the eagles, you gotta learn to fly.

We like to "f" with the eagles.

I think the problem here is that the "losers" are actually the 92-97th%ile HHs and they get tired of being showered with eagle feathers and other crap.