SIL asked us to take her kids overnight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she would even trust you to watch her kids is a compliment.

Saying no is such a huge kick in the face. Mainly to those kids, your kid's cousins.

You are very selfish and mean.

Not wanting to help for all these reasons! It's for the kids!

Overly dramatic. These people are alcoholics who sometimes don’t put their kids in car seats. Live in same town, friends with same townies, going to HS reunion down the street from their home, don’t want to drive because they want to get inebriated. Hire a sitter and stumble home on foot. Sloppy couple. It’s OPs husband’s responsibility to maintain the relationship or not.

I’ve been to all of my HS reunions and some of my dearest friends are from HS/college. I stayed at a hotel and left DS home with DH. But any number of friends or family would have taken him because he was easy going and adorable. I’ve done way more for them even when I didn’t want to. Life is transactional. At some point you don’t have any more f*cks to give. PP was spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

[Anonymous]

You anti op posters are insane. Building up this cousin relationship is pure bs. I’d bet it’s one or two posters with an axe to grind who try to overwhelm these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she would even trust you to watch her kids is a compliment.

Saying no is such a huge kick in the face. Mainly to those kids, your kid's cousins.

You are very selfish and mean.

Not wanting to help for all these reasons! It's for the kids!

Overly dramatic. These people are alcoholics who sometimes don’t put their kids in car seats. Live in same town, friends with same townies, going to HS reunion down the street from their home, don’t want to drive because they want to get inebriated. Hire a sitter and stumble home on foot. Sloppy couple. It’s OPs husband’s responsibility to maintain the relationship or not.

I’ve been to all of my HS reunions and some of my dearest friends are from HS/college. I stayed at a hotel and left DS home with DH. But any number of friends or family would have taken him because he was easy going and adorable. I’ve done way more for them even when I didn’t want to. Life is transactional. At some point you don’t have any more f*cks to give. PP was spot on.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

You are unhinged. Nobody suggested tolerating anything of the sort. The most anyone suggested was tolerating an uneven childcare situation for the sake of fostering a relationship between the underage cousins.

If OP doesn't want that relationship or doesn't want to do it, and feels put upon and resentful, OP doesn't have to do it. OP isn't the good guy in this family, though. I don't think there are any good guys in this family. They all sound immature and deeply unpleasant to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

<sigh>We know what you think. It's unfortunate you are so judgmental when other make different choices. My family and I have been much better since we stopped spending energy on relationships that are lopsided or with people who are obnoxious. Relationships don't have to rise to the level of toxicity or abuse to be unhealthy and not worth maintaining. You, clearly, think differently and are willing to invest in those relationships. Don't expect others to do as you do. I'm certainly modeling the behavior I want my kids to emulate.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you don't want to host the cousins because your SIL got free childcare from your mom. You sound like you count everything and keep score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

You are unhinged. Nobody suggested tolerating anything of the sort. The most anyone suggested was tolerating an uneven childcare situation for the sake of fostering a relationship between the underage cousins.

If OP doesn't want that relationship or doesn't want to do it, and feels put upon and resentful, OP doesn't have to do it. OP isn't the good guy in this family, though. I don't think there are any good guys in this family. They all sound immature and deeply unpleasant to be around.

OP is unwilling to develop a relationship based on her providing free childcare. I don't blame her. It's not like after all these years her DH's sister is suddenly going to be interested in a relationship. If the SIL didn't want free childcare, she wouldn't have reached out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you don't want to host the cousins because your SIL got free childcare from your mom. You sound like you count everything and keep score.

Yeah; the inclusion of all those details was really weird, and makes it clear that OP is coming from a place of pettiness and immaturity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.

OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.

OP and SIL live near each other. Both have 4 year olds and SIL also have a 7 year old. So years of experience on kid birthday parties, holidays, etc. Not even playdates on same age cousins. So SIL needs overnight baby sitting for partying and expects it from OP? And the whole thing isn't going to be drop off at 8pm and get at at 8 am. Exxpect pregaming, brunch, lunch so could be drop off at 10 am Saturday pick up at 3 pm Sunday. NO.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you don't want to host the cousins because your SIL got free childcare from your mom. You sound like you count everything and keep score.

Yeah; the inclusion of all those details was really weird, and makes it clear that OP is coming from a place of pettiness and immaturity

Exactly this. You can say no because you are inflexible and don’t want kids at your house. You can say no because you don’t like these relatives and feel resentful towards them. You can say no because these parents are horrible people. You can say no for all of these reasons.

OP included all of this because she not only wants to say no but also wants a pat on the back for saying no.

Of course these no car seat using raging alcoholics come off poorly. But so does OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.

OP here -

You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.

NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).

I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.

DP. It's fine that you would choose to accept/build a relationship with the kids thru unreciprocated babysitting, by being used. Some of us would choose differently. Neither is incorrect or wrong.

I wouldn't agree to this and it's not because I'm afraid of watching 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years (now 20, 18, 17). There have been a lot of sleepovers at my house. I prefer to cultivate healthy, chosen family relationships - sometimes we also share genetic relationships, sometimes we don't. If I wouldn't accept the behavior in friends, I won't accept it in 'family'. You can make a different choice and that's fine but you should stop trying to ascribe different motivation to OP.

Ok, well, sometimes family relationships are weird or take work. If some of the family relationships are lopsided, I can deal with that. We aren’t talking about abuse or toxicity, just average obnoxiousness and obliviousness. You can either try to build a cousin relationship, or wall yourself off. I happen to think people wall themselves too easily, when things take a bit extra work.

OP has given 100 different reasons why she doesn’t want to do it and most just seem like lame excuses or borne of resentment against her in-laws. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine! Just reckon with the consequences of hindering a relationship between cousins.

What idiocy. Her “excuses” are anything but lame but you weirdo cultists will tolerate anything including sexual abuse to preserve the fake happy family facade. People like you cause abuse to be repeated again and again.

You’re taking this to a truly extreme place that is far beyond what anyone has said, and I’m really sorry for whatever happened in your family to make you think this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You anti op posters are insane. Building up this cousin relationship is pure bs. I’d bet it’s one or two posters with an axe to grind who try to overwhelm these posts.

You sound mental.