Giving kids a down payment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

You had me until the “even private school tuition” line. That had me rolling my eyes. Private school is just not necessary.

PP. I'm not following. Most people I know who can fork over $$$ for a down payment are happy to support private school tuition.

Well you don’t know me obviously. I’ve provided down payments to my kids and will likely end up helping with college tuition but wouldn’t dream of paying their kids’ private school tuition. It’s not even a remotely necessary expense. You need a place to live and for all practical purposes need to go to college. You don’t need to go to private school though, and if you’re not satisfied with your public than you don’t buy the house I’m giving you the down payment for in that district. You buy somewhere else.

Private school is a waste of money for most kids and most families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick reminder that you never know what will come up- we never planned to do private school but our son has 4 different disabilities, he would be failing out of public school and thank God the grandparents are paying for a special ed private school

Well, sure, your kid has issues that public schools can’t address. I get it. Our grandkids don’t. And that’s also the case for most kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

You cannot be serious.

Dunno if they are but I am. You in DCUM land have no idea how the other 90-odd percent of Americans live. I was lucky to keep my SS survivor benefits to help get thru college, combined with loans and aid. Mom worked but dad was disabled tor years before he died and we had little savings as a result. We got money for a custom built bookcase/cabinet piece of furniture as a wedding gift from her. His mom gave us a dresser. We saved and got our own down payment buying a house at ages 35/34.
I had an SM he had a PhD.

On the flip side, lots of places around the US that aren't major cities are propped up by family money. We live in a wealthy-ish town in florida and literally no UMC moms work here (working is just for poor women in this town), and the only industries are healthcare and real estate. Somehow, every house being bought in our neighborhood (which are all new build of the old tear downs) for $3.5m is by couples in their 30s with young kids. Dad's a new doctor, mom is a sahm, two $60k SUVs in the driveway...... Clearly parents are paying for all of them because the math doesn't add up otherwise. It's endemic here - probably even worse than DC (where it's also endemic!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

Goodness, generalize much? We are Asian, we have given our kids money but have no strings attached. Not all Asians are the same just like not all white families worked the same

yes I was "generalizing", but my points are based on my experiences. Married into an asian family, so it tends to hold true much of the time. Obviously not true for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

Of course you take care of your parents. When I left for US, my parents gave me $1600, which was their life saving. After that I was on my own. Now I pay for my parents' retirement because they are my parents, and because they did their best for me.

yes you help take care of your parents. For many asian cultures that means IN YOUR OWN HOME, so you are dealing with that. Versus caucasian culture where it's more acceptable to help pay for parental care. My parents don't guilt trip me for putting them into a facility. My asian IL wouldn't have accepted that. That's the difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom helped her four kids as a single Mom by not paying a penny for college, charging us rent while in college and not allowing use of her car ever and we helped cooked, clean, mowed lawn did repairs on house and shoveled walk.

This encouraged us greatly to finish college, finish grad school and get a high paying job as soon as possible. All four of the kids have masters degrees. And since Money and Money only was driving factor in career we picked most cost effective colleges and lived at home during schools and picked majors that would pay the most.

That is how you help kids. I was on Wall Street at age 23 with several staff working for me and already 5 years work experience as I worked full time during college while going to college full time

This is beyond admirable-I wish I could meet your mother. GREAT Job!

[Anonymous]

My oldest DS is in college. He chose commuter school and living at home (his choice). Each year we are taking $20k from his college savings (“room & board”) and putting it aside for when he graduates. This will be his down payment for a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

My spouses parents helped. It was only 5k, but still appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Man, there are a lot of Trump mids on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

You cannot be serious.

Seriously. They must not know many people. My spouse and I are nearly the only people we know whose parents did NOT help them buy a house. I could not figure out, when I moved to DC, why everyone seemed to be so much better off than me, when we had similar jobs. Turns out, it's because their parents paid for their cars, cell phones, rent, etc. It's very, very common in the DC area.

It's not even like this is an exclusively UMC/wealthy urban thing. Even in rural America, parents give their kids parcels of the family land to build on (or swap houses when someone downsizes and the kids need more space for their grandkids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

I'm also in my late 40s, and I would be embarrassed to routinely be taking money from my parents. I get that kids need more of a runway now because of housing and healthcare costs, but you're nearly 50 and still getting an allowance from Mommy and Daddy? Woof. I hope you're at least reciprocating in some way as they age and not just a perpetual taker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

I'm also in my late 40s, and I would be embarrassed to routinely be taking money from my parents. I get that kids need more of a runway now because of housing and healthcare costs, but you're nearly 50 and still getting an allowance from Mommy and Daddy? Woof. I hope you're at least reciprocating in some way as they age and not just a perpetual taker.

Why would you be embarrassed? We gift our kids, makes more sense to give them it now in their 20s than when we are dead (and they are 50+). We are set for life, and our kids will inherit millions, so why not give it when it can help change their life trajectory?

[Anonymous]

This is the most myopic humblebrag thread I have ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Any gifted money for down payment is limited to a small percentage, in some cases.

[Anonymous]

They're not out of college yet, but we plan to help them with things like this. It will depend on what their needs are when the time comes.