When someone tells you they are not available ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I generally stay away from people who (1) can't understand things like this and (2) ask questions like the ones in bold. If you can't take "my weekend is booked" and need to drill down into how I'm using my time in order to show that actually, I'm not booked every minute of every day, then you're not really good friend material, are you?

Dude, calm down. None of us are pinning down our real-life friends like you imply we are and I'm not even snarking on anyone on here (at all!)

My point was simply that a person's definition of a "my weekends are booked for 3 months" can vary IMMENSELY. For some it's one event per weekend and that weekend is "booked." For many others a typical weekend will be 5 events or there is still room to add another hang-out with an acquaintance.

Which is part of the problem when you are making new friends. You don't know where each other fall on this spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

One, there are not that many weeks left in 2025. Two, you are cornering her.

And all the holidays are coming.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. I responded to this days ago, and look what happened since . . .

I stand by my initial response. If I don't want to get together with someone, I tell them I'm busy for and evade being pinned down to anything specific in the future. I can see why this woman may want to avoid OP.

[Anonymous]

Is it alright to say, "I would love to get together. Get back to me if your schedule opens up." ? And leave it at that. I think putting-it in their court is appropriate. I wouldn't be hurt and I could still be cordial if they never initiated. But I do not want to run into them and hear them say empty words of, "oh, we have to get together sometime ..." and if they were to add, "call me", I would hate them for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't seem to understand your own feelings very well, let alone hers.

You saw her regularly and then didn't. You probably feel a mix of lost and loss, sadness and defensiveness. Maybe some anger.

She's going through a tough time. She probably feels tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. She probably wants to spend what little free time she has having fun, resting, letting loose, or with people who understand her.

Given that she was one of your favorite people, your spending time with her did generate some positive feelings for you.

In contrast, spending time with you didn't make her feel good. This may be, as you put it, due to your kids. But it also seems like you're emotionally deaf, which means there may be lots of times when she didn't feel great and you didn't pick up on it.

It's not too late to make things better, but first you need to do some soul searching. Or else just drop her and focus on other friends who do like spending time with you. You probably have other positive qualities that draws your other friends to you. No one's perfect.

Good luck.

The single biggest change for all of us is that we used to be SAHMs and we are back at work. She has to go in daily while my job is more flexible and hybrid.

She has been texting me from work. I suspect home life is not good in several areas.

So your husband makes more money, your kids are easier, and your job is more flexible and you don't understand why this women whose single thing in common with you seems to be the number of children you both have is busier than you right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

OP here. I know pp was stating she is busy every weekend. Our calendar is crazy busy. We sometimes have 10 things on the calendar on a weekend. I know that sounds crazy busy and it is. All three of my kids may have 2 things each and then a birthday party or play date.

My husband also has a ton of work related events as do I. We could both very easily also say we are busy for the rest of the year.

The friend in the OP actually responded and said she is free right after Christmas. We will be out of town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

OP here. I know pp was stating she is busy every weekend. Our calendar is crazy busy. We sometimes have 10 things on the calendar on a weekend. I know that sounds crazy busy and it is. All three of my kids may have 2 things each and then a birthday party or play date.

My husband also has a ton of work related events as do I. We could both very easily also say we are busy for the rest of the year.

The friend in the OP actually responded and said she is free right after Christmas. We will be out of town.

OP each comment you make makes you look like a worse and worse friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

I'm not the PP who said my calendar was completely booked. I was saying that my family doesn't have a free full weekend. I would view a weekend as having four slots because Friday evening is the night I take our kids to their sports practice (my husband takes them another nigh during the week and a friend takes them the third). So yes, of course I do have time in there (except for the weekends that I will be out of state) to do certain things, but I don't have an entirely free weekend for the rest of the year. That's how I was understanding the other post, but perhaps I misunderstood.

OP here. I know pp was stating she is busy every weekend. Our calendar is crazy busy. We sometimes have 10 things on the calendar on a weekend. I know that sounds crazy busy and it is. All three of my kids may have 2 things each and then a birthday party or play date.

My husband also has a ton of work related events as do I. We could both very easily also say we are busy for the rest of the year.

The friend in the OP actually responded and said she is free right after Christmas. We will be out of town.

OP each comment you make makes you look like a worse and worse friend.

Tone is lost. I was only commenting on the previous pp. another poster also commented that there are available time slots. I fully understand that not everyone wants a stacked schedule. I have some friends whose kids may have one activity per week and enjoy having nothing on their weekend calendars.

I’m also aware that some people will think our schedule is too busy. My kids always want to do more and hang out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't seem to understand your own feelings very well, let alone hers.

You saw her regularly and then didn't. You probably feel a mix of lost and loss, sadness and defensiveness. Maybe some anger.

She's going through a tough time. She probably feels tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. She probably wants to spend what little free time she has having fun, resting, letting loose, or with people who understand her.

Given that she was one of your favorite people, your spending time with her did generate some positive feelings for you.

In contrast, spending time with you didn't make her feel good. This may be, as you put it, due to your kids. But it also seems like you're emotionally deaf, which means there may be lots of times when she didn't feel great and you didn't pick up on it.

It's not too late to make things better, but first you need to do some soul searching. Or else just drop her and focus on other friends who do like spending time with you. You probably have other positive qualities that draws your other friends to you. No one's perfect.

Good luck.

The single biggest change for all of us is that we used to be SAHMs and we are back at work. She has to go in daily while my job is more flexible and hybrid.

She has been texting me from work. I suspect home life is not good in several areas.

So your husband makes more money, your kids are easier, and your job is more flexible and you don't understand why this women whose single thing in common with you seems to be the number of children you both have is busier than you right now?

I was going to say money has nothing to do with it but we outsource most all housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't seem to understand your own feelings very well, let alone hers.

You saw her regularly and then didn't. You probably feel a mix of lost and loss, sadness and defensiveness. Maybe some anger.

She's going through a tough time. She probably feels tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. She probably wants to spend what little free time she has having fun, resting, letting loose, or with people who understand her.

Given that she was one of your favorite people, your spending time with her did generate some positive feelings for you.

In contrast, spending time with you didn't make her feel good. This may be, as you put it, due to your kids. But it also seems like you're emotionally deaf, which means there may be lots of times when she didn't feel great and you didn't pick up on it.

It's not too late to make things better, but first you need to do some soul searching. Or else just drop her and focus on other friends who do like spending time with you. You probably have other positive qualities that draws your other friends to you. No one's perfect.

Good luck.

The single biggest change for all of us is that we used to be SAHMs and we are back at work. She has to go in daily while my job is more flexible and hybrid.

She has been texting me from work. I suspect home life is not good in several areas.

So your husband makes more money, your kids are easier, and your job is more flexible and you don't understand why this women whose single thing in common with you seems to be the number of children you both have is busier than you right now?

I was going to say money has nothing to do with it but we outsource most all housework.

It's not just your tone that's lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't seem to understand your own feelings very well, let alone hers.

You saw her regularly and then didn't. You probably feel a mix of lost and loss, sadness and defensiveness. Maybe some anger.

She's going through a tough time. She probably feels tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. She probably wants to spend what little free time she has having fun, resting, letting loose, or with people who understand her.

Given that she was one of your favorite people, your spending time with her did generate some positive feelings for you.

In contrast, spending time with you didn't make her feel good. This may be, as you put it, due to your kids. But it also seems like you're emotionally deaf, which means there may be lots of times when she didn't feel great and you didn't pick up on it.

It's not too late to make things better, but first you need to do some soul searching. Or else just drop her and focus on other friends who do like spending time with you. You probably have other positive qualities that draws your other friends to you. No one's perfect.

Good luck.

The single biggest change for all of us is that we used to be SAHMs and we are back at work. She has to go in daily while my job is more flexible and hybrid.

She has been texting me from work. I suspect home life is not good in several areas.

So your husband makes more money, your kids are easier, and your job is more flexible and you don't understand why this women whose single thing in common with you seems to be the number of children you both have is busier than you right now?

I was going to say money has nothing to do with it but we outsource most all housework.

It's not just your tone that's lost.

Seriously.

OP, is English your first language? Because you seem to struggle mightily with certain things and I'm wondering if it's a language/cultural barrier. Either that or you're an AI bot.

[Anonymous]

Anybody who repeatedly tries to corner me into saying yes to something goes on my "cut them out of my life" list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

Can't believe there are so many pages on this. YES and take the hint, they arent interested in getting together

[Anonymous]

I can' read the whole thread, but my ex was the reason I would have said so. He would have locked me out if I had gone somewhere without family.