How is Sorority Rush going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I was a first gen student with an immigrant mother, father was not in the picture. I knew nothing about Greek life. I think there might have been two frats and one sorority at my “directional” university. My husband is also an immigrant, so he wasn’t involved in that scene either. I never encouraged her to join Greek life.

Jump to my DD who is in a sorority at at T25 school. She is in a “mid-tier” house. So far she likes it. The dues are about $3K a year, and that includes some meals (she lives off campus). She is gaining experience leading different events, and has a leadership position starting this year. There are some aspects she thinks are annoying and silly, but she sees this experience more as an investement in her future regarding networking and volunteer work. She will live in the house next year, and he rent will be much lower. Plus, the location of the house is very close to central campus area.

I think she got dropped by her first choice house, but is happy where she landed. She tells me about drug use (cocaine) by some members of top tier frats and sororities. Not all members are doing drugs of course. I am sure there is some use by brothers and sisters in all tiers, but she has noticed it only by some in those top houses.

Most of her friends are in Greek life as well. She has friends in different sororities too. Compared to what I have heard from Greek life at other schools, her sorority seems a lot more chill. For example, she knows a girl whose mom went down to her university (Alabama) on Bid Day to line the streets and cheer the girls on. None of that stuff happened at my DD’s school. That just seems so over the top!

Basically, so far, from my DD’, I think this has been a good experience for her. I can see though, how it can be a ridiculous, expensive, superficial, frustrating and heartbreaking experience for many.

Love how you sprinkle in drug use in top house. Doubt it and if in one then all. Usually there is cattiness toward top house if someone was dropped. Also to the mom who went to bid day well good for her. I think that is a nice thing. Maybe she was in a sorority and had happy memories.

I was just reporting what my daughter told me over break about drug usage. I hope this is not the norm. She implied the higher ranked houses had more members with the means to buy drugs. At first I assumed she meant it was the frats only. She then clarified it was also the sororities.

I guess I am not so gung-ho over the whole sorority stuff. I assume this is THEIR thing. That is why it just seemed odd, to me, for parents to hop on a plane for bid day. I wouldn’t want to be involved, unless the activity actually was for us, as in the parent formal. To each their own.

Seems as though your daughter was mad she got dropped and her way of handling this is to put those houses down. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough everywhere, OP.

The universal problem at every school is that all of the girls rushing want the same top, few sororities. If she can be happy anywhere, you'll be fine. If your daughter insists on being an XYZ, she's likely to be disappointed.

Depends on the girl and any hooks she has.

What kind of hooks?

Pretty, uber rich, skinny

How would ppl even know if you are rich?

Lol. Are you kidding?

Clothing and accessories serve as a(n initial) proxy for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough everywhere, OP.

The universal problem at every school is that all of the girls rushing want the same top, few sororities. If she can be happy anywhere, you'll be fine. If your daughter insists on being an XYZ, she's likely to be disappointed.

Depends on the girl and any hooks she has.

What kind of hooks?

Pretty, uber rich, skinny

How would ppl even know if you are rich?

It's called "zip coding" at my DD school. She zip-coded well, wore a lot of Love Shack Fancy and all her Cartier.
Sad but true.

What does the zip-code mean??

It means lived-in-an-area-where-everyone-can-afford-that-LoveShackFancy$500sweater-and-multiple-pieces-by-Cartier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking you are better than “those” houses or the “awkward” girls is just as cringe-worthy as being rejected and judged by the “good” sororities that rejected you.

I mean ... they are 19. What do you want from them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

Same experience, same school, but in the 90s. If I could go back and choose a different college, I would pick one where there was no Greek system. It really soured my time there.

I'm sorry you also had that experience. I should add - it was even more difficult for women whose friends joined, and they did not (I met many of my friends later in my first year, but most of my 'initial' friends did not pledge).

Yeah, it just really caused a rift in friendships that had organically formed on my hall. Just when you’re starting to get to know people and settle in, there’s a seismic social shift.

This is exactly why IMO rush should not occur until spring semester. Freshman need to opportunity to adjust to being on campus and to academics. Let them learn to make their own friends, based on interests.

Back in the 80s, I lived in the party dorm on campus in the center of the frat quad. Rush was still fall quarter. Literally rush started day 3 of freshman orientation. So a kid had not even had their first college class. You had barely met people in your dorm and "orientation groups", and were thrust into rushing. I didn't rush, but all but me and one other girl on our floor (50+) rushed. I watched girls who were starting friendships from the first 3 days, stop being friends as the process evolved---largely because they were so focused on rush. If you made it to next round, you were not supposed to associate with those who were not "next round in the same tier of sororities". So those budding friendships dissolved.

I used to call it (and still do) "paying to make friends". At least allow freshman a quarter/semester to meet people and make their own friendships. Then they can decide what is best for them.

It was in the Spring. In some ways, come to think of it, it might have been better to have it out of the way right off the bat in the Fall. Then you at least know what you’re dealing with before you’ve really bonded with anyone. I think it takes at least that first full semester for friendships to really start gelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would any smart, high achieving, successful young man ever want to date a drama queen, whose priorities (Purses, Vacation Homes, Clothes, Hair Color, etc) are so out of line with the real world?

Quite frankly as someone who was in a sorority 25 yrs ago at a t20 school, i have advised my two sons to stay away from sorority girls when looking to find a decent girl to marry one day.

80% of my sorority sisters and their sorority relatives are now either divorced or unhappy people…. Go figure

Do you really not know the answer to this? Do you really not know that men want the most attractive women? And that women "whose priorities" include "clothes" and "hair color" are often those women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP and naive parent here - how prevalent is drug use in sororities and college overall? I know weed is everywhere, but surprised to hear about cocaine... My kid goes to a nyc private hs and i hear more about alcohol use. What's happening on campuses these days?

It's college. Some people are going to use drugs.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy our daughter didn't fall into the trap of sorority girl life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and naive parent here - how prevalent is drug use in sororities and college overall? I know weed is everywhere, but surprised to hear about cocaine... My kid goes to a nyc private hs and i hear more about alcohol use. What's happening on campuses these days?

It's college. Some people are going to use drugs.

30 years ago, it was prevalent in college, both in the Greek scene and otherwise. Everyone I know who died from it was not part of the Greek system, so there is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough everywhere, OP.

The universal problem at every school is that all of the girls rushing want the same top, few sororities. If she can be happy anywhere, you'll be fine. If your daughter insists on being an XYZ, she's likely to be disappointed.

Depends on the girl and any hooks she has.

What kind of hooks?

Pretty, uber rich, skinny

How would ppl even know if you are rich?

Lol. Are you kidding?

Clothing and accessories serve as a(n initial) proxy for this.

In the 90s you had to submit a photo of your house. Now they can just use Zillow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and naive parent here - how prevalent is drug use in sororities and college overall? I know weed is everywhere, but surprised to hear about cocaine... My kid goes to a nyc private hs and i hear more about alcohol use. What's happening on campuses these days?

It's college. Some people are going to use drugs.

And pressure to be thin is one common reason.

In the 90s, a sorority my roommate belonged to did Sunday underwear walks to judge your body and make sure you weren’t “letting yourself go.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I was a first gen student with an immigrant mother, father was not in the picture. I knew nothing about Greek life. I think there might have been two frats and one sorority at my “directional” university. My husband is also an immigrant, so he wasn’t involved in that scene either. I never encouraged her to join Greek life.

Jump to my DD who is in a sorority at at T25 school. She is in a “mid-tier” house. So far she likes it. The dues are about $3K a year, and that includes some meals (she lives off campus). She is gaining experience leading different events, and has a leadership position starting this year. There are some aspects she thinks are annoying and silly, but she sees this experience more as an investement in her future regarding networking and volunteer work. She will live in the house next year, and he rent will be much lower. Plus, the location of the house is very close to central campus area.

I think she got dropped by her first choice house, but is happy where she landed. She tells me about drug use (cocaine) by some members of top tier frats and sororities. Not all members are doing drugs of course. I am sure there is some use by brothers and sisters in all tiers, but she has noticed it only by some in those top houses.

Most of her friends are in Greek life as well. She has friends in different sororities too. Compared to what I have heard from Greek life at other schools, her sorority seems a lot more chill. For example, she knows a girl whose mom went down to her university (Alabama) on Bid Day to line the streets and cheer the girls on. None of that stuff happened at my DD’s school. That just seems so over the top!

Basically, so far, from my DD’, I think this has been a good experience for her. I can see though, how it can be a ridiculous, expensive, superficial, frustrating and heartbreaking experience for many.

Love how you sprinkle in drug use in top house. Doubt it and if in one then all. Usually there is cattiness toward top house if someone was dropped. Also to the mom who went to bid day well good for her. I think that is a nice thing. Maybe she was in a sorority and had happy memories.

I was just reporting what my daughter told me over break about drug usage. I hope this is not the norm. She implied the higher ranked houses had more members with the means to buy drugs. At first I assumed she meant it was the frats only. She then clarified it was also the sororities.

I guess I am not so gung-ho over the whole sorority stuff. I assume this is THEIR thing. That is why it just seemed odd, to me, for parents to hop on a plane for bid day. I wouldn’t want to be involved, unless the activity actually was for us, as in the parent formal. To each their own.

Seems as though your daughter was mad she got dropped and her way of handling this is to put those houses down. Sad.

Or, just maybe, she actually saw that.

Not every pnm is desperate to be in certain sororities for validation. She landed in a nice house, along with some of her friends, and is thriving.

I hope you have a fabulous day.

[Anonymous]

You said your daughter got dropped and didn’t drop them. If they were drug users you would think they she would drop them asap. She could FYI. You really should not be a parent who spreads this kind of stuff. Just because your kid says something doesn’t make it truth. One could argue that she needed a reason to explain to you why she wasn’t picked. Given what you say I could understand. You are part of the problem. I am going to have a nice day because I don’t try to spread this stuff. All the sororities have nice kids and some kids that may not be a fit. You also can’t get picked by everyone and that is okay. There doesn’t need to be a villain if you are somehow not picked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

Same experience, same school, but in the 90s. If I could go back and choose a different college, I would pick one where there was no Greek system. It really soured my time there.

Counterpoint: I attended UVA in the late 90s and simply didn’t rush. I had a fabulous college experience. It’s not the school.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I never said the only houses doing drugs were the ones considered to be higher tiered. I actually said that there probably were drugs in other houses as well. Again, this is what my daughter told me, after I asked about drug use.

And about being dropped from a “better” sorority, I am not sure how that one was ranked. I was just trying to share her experience, some positives and some negatives, from a parent who was not convinced Greek life was a good thing.

As other posters have mentioned, there are drugs at all schools, greek life or not. I just hope my DD stays away from that scene as much as possible. She also said a lot of kids get ADHD meds from friends to focus on their academics.