Genuinely asking both parties: where do you want friends/family relationships to go from here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What do you not get about that? “We can live out our entire lives without you”…I mean, not really, if you ever want political influence and for things to go the way you want them to again.

OP -- it's been 4 days.
You're being ridiculous to hold anyone to anything they say right now.
4 days.
Almost irresponsible of you to post and then be triggered with responses, any responses ... after only 4 days.

4 days… after an election.

[Anonymous]

I would maintain friendships with liberals but I have received angry messages calling me a racist from two liberal friends this week because I wouldn’t tell them who I voted for. You’ll have to ask them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have written off the other side. Truly I want nothing to do with these morons who vote against their own interest and those of others

Yup.
It’s a question of morals, not political differences.

OK, so…then what? You want the majority of the country to be “immoral and unreachable,” and you want your party to keep losing again and again, because without any connection or healing of division or understanding, this is going to be it going forward? What do you want? Where do you want to go from here?

I’m tired of being in the only party that keeps looking for connection and healing. At least for now, I’m writing people off.

OP here. When I think about my family members who voted for Trump, I don’t think they want disconnect. They’ve never stopped talking to me or inviting me or wanting good things for me and my family. I think they are hurt that “people think I’m racist because I voted for Trump” but they can’t make the connection because, to them, racism means white hoods and burning crosses, and nothing else. Sexism means you, personally, wouldn’t hire a woman or have made a woman uncomfortable at work.

So I would say the Trump voters I know want more unity and for the tension to lessen, but they think that means liberals should “get over” Trump, and they genuinely don’t see why that is problematic. They think it’s “the same” as if Trump were John McCain or Mitt Romney or someone else who ran for president as Republican in recent memories. They truly don’t get why This is Different.

So given how everyone thinks and feels and views “the other side,” what is the actual best and most productive way forward? Do you honestly think “writing people off” is going to get Democrats power back in two or four years? How? How would that possibly work?

I'm a Trump voter in DC, OP, and I would say all of this is true. I get that my many Democratic friends are smarting a bit over this election; I've been around long enough to have been on the losing side of many campaigns. But I moved on and so should they.

The country has spoken. Loudly, in fact. If you don't like it, I would submit that you consider how you, your party and other Dems might just be the ones out of step, and do some real soul-searching.

And yes, of course, I expect to move on from this in conversation and can we have lunch next week?

OP here, I would love to! Thank you so much for responding.

My soul-searching has already begun. I used to be a Republican (as in when I was 18 and voted in my first election), I’m from a “red state,” and most of my family are working-class Republicans, some are middle class Republicans. I’m grateful for the conversations and connections I have with my family. We don’t talk about politics a ton, but we do sometimes. It helps to hear their perspective. And I’m sure it would be interesting to hear yours!

PP again. When you say you used to be a Republican, from a red state, what does that mean? How and why did you come to change your views? Are you really sure that is a good thing?

As my mother said when I moved here, "don't let DC ruin you!" Always remember who you are and where you came from.

Yes, I am 100% sure. In fact, I changed to Democrat before I left my red state college, there just wasn’t another presidential election for me to vote in until after college.

I am 100% comfortable with switching to the Democratic Party, but I absolutely do think about and do research on every candidate. I very seriously considered voting for John McCain.

It’s because I “remember where I came from” that I want to help keep taxes down for working class and middle class people; increase health care coverage and lower health care costs for all; and ensure reproductive rights for all women. You can disagree with that, but “DC didn’t corrupt me.” It was actually mostly people within the Republican Party who started turning me off to the Republican Party.

[Anonymous]

Republicans bragging about their superiority for not cutting off liberal friends/family have lost the plot.

Like yeah, normally you only cut people off when they behave in a morally abhorrent way …

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, start by having some common sense and ask this question much later. Perhaps in 6 months to a year.

People are going to start suffering from Day 1. I don’t have time to wait, I have to act.

Is this what you would say to President Biden’s face? He has already called for unity, working together, and “lowering the temperature,” even amid disappointment. His words. Are you going to tell him to buzz off and ask you to behave with dignity in six months to a year?

Dp. The other side is gleefull in their hatred and victory over us. Why would I want to reach over to them when we know they are going to cut it off?

I respect President Biden and think he saying this because he is a good and decent human being. But Trump and his people need to do something kind first and that is not going to happen..so yes two Americas. I only wish they would keep wearing their stupid hats so I csn avoid them

You were ready to project your glee and march victoriously over your rivals. We all know it. There was never going to be humility or humbleness in what you thought was a sure thing. That’s why this stings so badly for you. You didn’t get your moment of triumph that you felt entitled to.

Nope. thats the MAGA way, not our way. I never thought it was a sure thing, because I already knew there were too many people like you out there, hateful and spiteful and ready to vote for a hateful, spiteful liar. Stop projecting your complete lack of character and decency onto others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Republicans bragging about their superiority for not cutting off liberal friends/family have lost the plot.

Like yeah, normally you only cut people off when they behave in a morally abhorrent way …

They believed the "flood of shit" and can't see that they are the ones drowning in it. I'm tired of trying to reach into the muck to drag them out. Let it carry them away. They chose it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, start by having some common sense and ask this question much later. Perhaps in 6 months to a year.

People are going to start suffering from Day 1. I don’t have time to wait, I have to act.

Is this what you would say to President Biden’s face? He has already called for unity, working together, and “lowering the temperature,” even amid disappointment. His words. Are you going to tell him to buzz off and ask you to behave with dignity in six months to a year?

Dp. The other side is gleefull in their hatred and victory over us. Why would I want to reach over to them when we know they are going to cut it off?

I respect President Biden and think he saying this because he is a good and decent human being. But Trump and his people need to do something kind first and that is not going to happen..so yes two Americas. I only wish they would keep wearing their stupid hats so I csn avoid them

You were ready to project your glee and march victoriously over your rivals. We all know it. There was never going to be humility or humbleness in what you thought was a sure thing. That’s why this stings so badly for you. You didn’t get your moment of triumph that you felt entitled to.

Nope. thats the MAGA way, not our way. I never thought it was a sure thing, because I already knew there were too many people like you out there, hateful and spiteful and ready to vote for a hateful, spiteful liar. Stop projecting your complete lack of character and decency onto others.

Yep. Just like with the orange guy, every accusation is an admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have to "work for" a permanently divided America. It is already and I just didn't see it coming. But it's been coming for probably 30 years.
Buchanan and his gun to "take back our country."
The Contract With America and Gingrich/Armey dismissal of science and expertise
Tea Party
TRUMP
I actually was one of those who thought we were inna new and better America when" we" elected Obama.
But apparently that sent a lot over the cliff into MAGA.
But apparently a Black man can be elected but no woman can.

Exactly. We are in a divided America because the GOP wanted it that way. They have worked steadily to divide us, so that they can dismantle our government for decades. And why. Money is the answer. They don't want to pay taxes. They don't want their businesses subject to regulations. They want to rape the planet for every last penny in the now with no regard for what that will mean after they are dead. Money now.

They broke it. They can fix it. Now is their chance! They are in charge.

But they won't. Not holding my breath.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have written off the other side. Truly I want nothing to do with these morons who vote against their own interest and those of others

Yup.
It’s a question of morals, not political differences.

OK, so…then what? You want the majority of the country to be “immoral and unreachable,” and you want your party to keep losing again and again, because without any connection or healing of division or understanding, this is going to be it going forward? What do you want? Where do you want to go from here?

I would like things to deescalate and for the MAGA movement to die out but that doesn't seem likely. So now I'd like people who voted for Trump to get exactly what they voted for. And if they like it, then great for them. And if they don't, then perhaps great for everyone.

Do you really feel like this, today, this week, is the moment we're going to have our big heart to heart and find our common ground? I don't. This is the week I stopped caring what happens to a lot of people, honestly. That might change back, but now I think if they want mass deportations, go for it. That's what they voted for, right? Well, let's see how this works.

OP here. I get that people need time to grieve and feel hurt, but unfortunately, I don’t think our country has even an hour to waste. I care about mass deportations, which is why I doubled my monthly contributions to the ACLU. I think that—and engaging in conversations like this—is infinitely more productive than writing people off and…actively hoping for people to suffer and for America to fail.

I don't think you do get that people need time to grieve. I'm going to support the ACLU too because I really believe that while I try to tune out so I don't lose my mind, I want the people and orgs who still have fight in them to go twice as hard.

I don't have that kind of fight in me right now. I feel numb; it feels like everyone I talk to feels numb. I'm walking around looking at people knowing at least half of them chose the rapist. I am not quite ready to just brush past that as silly politics. I'm really angry, OP. I don't know what I want as a next step. I am not hoping for America to fail - this is where I live, I would very much like it to succeed. But I don't think that's likely right now. And I just don't have the stomach to be sitting here, not even a week into this, searching for our common ground and shared goals.

I would invite you to think about whether your smug and chiding tone is really appropriate at this moment. Perhaps if you understand well enough that people are shocked, scared, grieving, numb, and incredibly sad, you can also lay off being sanctimonious about the need to come together and heal for a week or so.

You need time to grieve? Has your life been so vanilla and soft that this election’s results suddenly make you wake up to people having daily challenges in this world? I don’t have the luxuries to wallow in sorry and suddenly right now start to support the ACLU. Where have you been? Asleep this entire time.

I voted for Harris, but the privilege and sanctimony I am getting from my friends and neighbors is insane. Have you never had any awareness before? Never before felt a call to action? Worried about injustices or people suffering in regular everyday ways? Seriously. I don’t have time to “grieve”. I have to go to work, raise my kids, keep my marriage working, keep my health in check (because I’m disabled), and just keep doing what I have been doing.

I guess better late than never.

Oh shut up. The vast majority of us who are grieving this election are exhausted exactly because we have busy lives with jobs to do and kids to raise and bills to pay.

Maybe re-examine your own prejudices that you think all Dems are so rich and elite that they only sit around thinking about politics. More like, we understand how politics can effect or lives and the lives of other people and vulnerable people. Stop trying to validate the "flood of shit" that the GOP put out there to discredit Dems and create their false narratives to fool voters into thinking the GOP, the REAL party of the elite and American oligarchs, gives two shits about working class and middle class people.

I JUST CANT EVEN WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU ANYMORE.

I’m not a republican and I have never voted for Trump. But I am so glad you feel entitled to able-splain things to me. We can have different opinions and that’s ok. I find it very disingenuous that people now claim they’re so upset to the point of needing to grieve and suddenly take action when the same problems have been here all along. Again, where have you been? And I don’t think Trump or any of his wackadoodle policies are going to help anyone besides Musk, Bezos and the like. Put your money where your mouth is and finally get involved. Quit crying. Do something.

Stop projecting. You are the condescending one "splaining" to everyone how to feel and lecturing when you have no idea what any of us have or haven't done. Go pound sand.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What I want is simple. I want to not discuss politics nonstop at family get togethers. We voted for Trump. Everyone else in the family voted for Harris. My parents and one of my siblings can only discuss their hatred for Trump now. That’s the only topic of conversation.

I didn’t grow up in a house where politics was the main conversation, ever. There are a lot of grandkids involved. My kids don’t want to go there now since all they do is yell about Trump 24/7. There are millions of other things we can talk about as a family. As the kids about their lives. Come to one of their sports events. I want them to think about life other than Trump.

Dp. That is impodsible now that your Dear Leader is going to be in our face for four years. I hope your family cuts you off.

It’s the opposite. My kids don’t want to see their grandparents and it makes me really sad. It is not because they voted for Harris. It’s because they can’t talk about anything other than politics now and it’s exhausting. We don’t love Trump. I don’t even like him. I regret ever participating in their conversations. But come on, talk to the kids about something else. None of the grandkids can even vote!

How sad you voted for someone you didn't even like. It hasn't even been a week and you expect people to care about your stupid soccer game when the whole world is on fire and so many people are in a world of pain over this one man.

If your kids don't have any empathy than perhaps it is best they stay away from their family. Even if they can't vote your family knows you are all for Trump, the felon and sexual predator. Congrats on your victory. Hope you don't have daughters.

I liked Harris even less. You sound like my family. It’s toxic and this is the type of conversation my children have been hearing for months and are sick of. Frankly, I am sick of it too and try to change the subject.

Are you saying Trump is a better person than Vice President Harris? Trump has raped women and bragged about assaulting them. Trump calls veterans 'suckers'. He calls his opponents childish names. He gets others to do his dirty work so he can deny any involvement. He failed and continues to say the election in 202 was stolen. He has never conceded even today. Harris conceded and is planning on participating in the peaceful transfer of power. That alone should give her more respect than him.

I haven’t read every post but see you responded to mine. I think Trump is an awful person. What I meant is I felt he would be better as a president. Morally, I thought Bill Clinton was an awful person too. As a wife, I don’t see see how Hilary could have stayed with Bill. But I can separate the person from how I think they would run our country. I think Trump would do a better job running the country than Harris. That’s why I voted for him. It was that simple.

As for my family, I think they are behaving poorly in front of their grandchildren. If you reread all of my posts, they never once are trying to cut us off or freeze us out. They just won’t stop the nonstop Trump talk. It’s been going on for months. The grandchildren don’t want to be around it and would like a little attention. OP asked how we move on and i suggested families get back to basics. For example in my situation, it would be nice for grandparents to show interest in grandchildren instead of Trump hate. No, they are not threatening to cut us off. They just want to obsess over politics when the kids don’t care.

Maybe they are agonizing over how they raised a child who could ever think Trump would be better at running anything. Even if you put aside his personality and hateful rhetoric (and I don't know how you could, but for the sake of argument), he's declared bankruptcy multiple times. His businessman persona is a mirage created to sell a reality TV show. He's not good at anything except fraud. You think that is best for this country? A snake-oil salesman?

FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a Trump supporter and don’t want to hear “liberal whining or self-righteousness,” or if you are a Harris supporter and you are genuinely baffled how someone could vote for a known misogynist and racist, where do you want to go from here?

In an ideal world, do you want divisions, relationships (friends, family, neighbors, coworkers), and hurts to heal? If so, what does that look like, and what role might you play in that?

If you would rather just write off the “other side,” what do you think our country will look and feel like if everyone wants that?

I have many loved ones who voted for Kamala and I don’t hold it against them (that they believed the lies from the media). I love them unconditionally. Nothing will change for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other than my husband, I don’t know who my family voted for. Please tell me why it is so difficult to stop talking about politics.

Tell me you are privileged and part of the problem without telling me .

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you are a Trump supporter and don’t want to hear “liberal whining or self-righteousness,” or if you are a Harris supporter and you are genuinely baffled how someone could vote for a known misogynist and racist, where do you want to go from here?

In an ideal world, do you want divisions, relationships (friends, family, neighbors, coworkers), and hurts to heal? If so, what does that look like, and what role might you play in that?

If you would rather just write off the “other side,” what do you think our country will look and feel like if everyone wants that?

I have many loved ones who voted for Kamala and I don’t hold it against them (that they believed the lies from the media). I love them unconditionally. Nothing will change for me.

I have many loved ones who voted for Donald and I don’t hold it against them (that their lives are so empty that the appeal of cult tactics worked on them). I love them unconditionally. Nothing will change for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want is simple. I want to not discuss politics nonstop at family get togethers. We voted for Trump. Everyone else in the family voted for Harris. My parents and one of my siblings can only discuss their hatred for Trump now. That’s the only topic of conversation.

I didn’t grow up in a house where politics was the main conversation, ever. There are a lot of grandkids involved. My kids don’t want to go there now since all they do is yell about Trump 24/7. There are millions of other things we can talk about as a family. As the kids about their lives. Come to one of their sports events. I want them to think about life other than Trump.

Well, do you understand why people are upset? A vote for trump is a vote for all the things he stands for. And yes, I think you're racist and sexist and only care about yourself. He showed us what kind of vile person he is and half the people in this country not only think its a-okay, but completely acceptable for the office of the president. That is just sad.

And to answer OP's original question, I cut off my Trumpy family in 2016. I don't have many *close* friends, but the few that I do have are equally devastated by the outcome of this election. I probably have some trump supporting acquaintances/neighbors/co-workers and I will continue to be polite, but they were never part of my inner circle to begin with so no need for me to "cut them out".

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have written off the other side. Truly I want nothing to do with these morons who vote against their own interest and those of others

Yup.
It’s a question of morals, not political differences.

OK, so…then what? You want the majority of the country to be “immoral and unreachable,” and you want your party to keep losing again and again, because without any connection or healing of division or understanding, this is going to be it going forward? What do you want? Where do you want to go from here?

I’m tired of being in the only party that keeps looking for connection and healing. At least for now, I’m writing people off.

OP here. When I think about my family members who voted for Trump, I don’t think they want disconnect. They’ve never stopped talking to me or inviting me or wanting good things for me and my family. I think they are hurt that “people think I’m racist because I voted for Trump” but they can’t make the connection because, to them, racism means white hoods and burning crosses, and nothing else. Sexism means you, personally, wouldn’t hire a woman or have made a woman uncomfortable at work.

So I would say the Trump voters I know want more unity and for the tension to lessen, but they think that means liberals should “get over” Trump, and they genuinely don’t see why that is problematic. They think it’s “the same” as if Trump were John McCain or Mitt Romney or someone else who ran for president as Republican in recent memories. They truly don’t get why This is Different.

So given how everyone thinks and feels and views “the other side,” what is the actual best and most productive way forward? Do you honestly think “writing people off” is going to get Democrats power back in two or four years? How? How would that possibly work?

I'm a Trump voter in DC, OP, and I would say all of this is true. I get that my many Democratic friends are smarting a bit over this election; I've been around long enough to have been on the losing side of many campaigns. But I moved on and so should they.

The country has spoken. Loudly, in fact. If you don't like it, I would submit that you consider how you, your party and other Dems might just be the ones out of step, and do some real soul-searching.

And yes, of course, I expect to move on from this in conversation and can we have lunch next week?

You keep talking about Trump like he's a typical POTUS candidate. Like he operates anywhere near the parameters we have all been accustomed to. He isn't and he doesn't. And it's not that he's a bright innovator who wants to change the way things are done to make the government better. No, he just wants to stay out of jail and make as much money for himself and his family as he can. It's unethical on every F-in level.

If Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, W. Bush, Obama, or Biden said even a fraction of the batshit, nasty things Trump has said, the media would have run it, it would have been roundly condemned, and their party would have thrown them out on their ear. All politicians skirt around the truth or even lie, we know this. I think Clinton was a shitty guy, and in this post me-too era, no way I would vote for him. But Trump makes Clinton look like a choir boy. And Clinton actually was a decent leader. Trump is a million miles from reality. He was a failed businessman, a fraud, a liar, a cheat on more than just his wives, admits he wants to govern like a dictator, and incited a riot to overturn an election he still won't admit he lost. That last one ALONE should disqualify him as a decent leader of this country in your mind.

And you said, yes, I want that. So no, we won't ignore it.