Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

[Anonymous]

Not me. Work life creates a more interesting and well rounded person.

[Anonymous]

The whole stay-at-home wife thing is just dumb. Then he leaves and you have no money, the place in the job marketplace and you're SOL. Don't you want a life for yourself instead of a man handing you an allowance? This way of thinking is just nuts to me. Then after you've popped out 3+ kids, he decided he's bored and is banging someone he met at a conference and you're left broke, high and dry. SMH. Get your life together. A man is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole stay-at-home wife thing is just dumb. Then he leaves and you have no money, the place in the job marketplace and you're SOL. Don't you want a life for yourself instead of a man handing you an allowance? This way of thinking is just nuts to me. Then after you've popped out 3+ kids, he decided he's bored and is banging someone he met at a conference and you're left broke, high and dry. SMH. Get your life together. A man is not a plan.

It’s so stupid. Thank god I was raised to always be able to support myself. Best thing parents can tell their daughters. Put then in team sports and find a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Tell that to the GenX gray divorces I'm seeing with the SAHMs left with bread crumbs in their 50s-60s.

Trad wifes will see it in 20 years and then half to get their *sses out to compete with workers more than 1/2 their age for entry level jobs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole stay-at-home wife thing is just dumb. Then he leaves and you have no money, the place in the job marketplace and you're SOL. Don't you want a life for yourself instead of a man handing you an allowance? This way of thinking is just nuts to me. Then after you've popped out 3+ kids, he decided he's bored and is banging someone he met at a conference and you're left broke, high and dry. SMH. Get your life together. A man is not a plan.

And the worst is when they sh@t the bed themselves—go out cheating/have an affair and get dumped—by both the husband and the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father-in-law worked two jobs his whole life and at our wedding, his only advice to my DH is “don’t make her get a job”. I think it’s cultural. I stayed home with the children when they were young, and work part-time now when they are in school. But my DH still pays all the bills, he basically says my paycheck is mine to do with whatever (it’s not much, I put it into my retirement savings).

Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

Be worth it. Learn how to keep house and raise children. Getting a degree in a child care field helps.

What in the 1950s??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What people are missing is that OP is talking about a man who just wants to make enough money that his wife does not HAVE to work. She could work, but his plan is to make enough that they have the flexibility to set their life up in the way that works for them, whether that's dual income with nannies or her taking some extended maternity leaves or her become a SAHM for all or part of their kids lives. Options. Who does not want options?

Men do not get pregnant or give birth or breastfeed, they don't go through the massive hormonal changes having kids works on a woman. So to me, a man who says he wants to give his wife the option of not working IF SHE CHOOSES is sexy AF, because he's recognizing that if they have kids, she's going to do something he can't do, so he's looking for ways to make it easier. That's awesome. Many/most men don't think about their wife or family unit that way, as being something they can plan for and support. Many memories take it for granted that their wives will have kids and go right back to work like it was nothing. A lot of men come late to the realization that we ask a lot of women when it comes to building families, and basically their wives have to educate them on it on the fly, like her actually it's kind of a big deal to ask me to go back to working 40 hours weeks given what my body and brain and emotions just went through.

OP wants an unselfish man who wants kids and wants to give his family options. That sounds hot. She never said she wanted a man who wouldn't allow his wife to work, or even that her goal was to SAHM for the rest of her life. She just wants a man who wants to do asuch to provide for his family as his wife does in doing the work of having kids.

Being a super accomplished doctor, I can imagine his mother has ZERO respect for you.

Yes, this is what I'm reading, too. And my husband is like this -- he created a situation where I can work if I want to, take time off with the kids if I want, too, etc. it does feel like a form of love and support.

His mom is a super accomplished doctor and everyone in the larger family is feminist... But having the option to not work when the kids are young is a huge, huge gift. That's what OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What people are missing is that OP is talking about a man who just wants to make enough money that his wife does not HAVE to work. She could work, but his plan is to make enough that they have the flexibility to set their life up in the way that works for them, whether that's dual income with nannies or her taking some extended maternity leaves or her become a SAHM for all or part of their kids lives. Options. Who does not want options?

Men do not get pregnant or give birth or breastfeed, they don't go through the massive hormonal changes having kids works on a woman. So to me, a man who says he wants to give his wife the option of not working IF SHE CHOOSES is sexy AF, because he's recognizing that if they have kids, she's going to do something he can't do, so he's looking for ways to make it easier. That's awesome. Many/most men don't think about their wife or family unit that way, as being something they can plan for and support. Many memories take it for granted that their wives will have kids and go right back to work like it was nothing. A lot of men come late to the realization that we ask a lot of women when it comes to building families, and basically their wives have to educate them on it on the fly, like her actually it's kind of a big deal to ask me to go back to working 40 hours weeks given what my body and brain and emotions just went through.

OP wants an unselfish man who wants kids and wants to give his family options. That sounds hot. She never said she wanted a man who wouldn't allow his wife to work, or even that her goal was to SAHM for the rest of her life. She just wants a man who wants to do asuch to provide for his family as his wife does in doing the work of having kids.

Op here . Yes, it’s interesting the response my post is triggering so many women.

A young man who has the empathy and wisdom to foresee the challenges and consequences of his wife becoming pregnant and what that means for her and their children is a rarity and a gem. Plus to have the will and the ability to make a lot of money to provide her and their family with options during this critical time. To stand up and say, hey, you will already be doing a lot by taking on the burden of birthing a child, I will contribute by making enough money to give you options. You don’t have to be forced to work for money. You can take this time to heal and rest and rise your baby. If you want to return to work, you can but it should not be another burden.

To find this kind of man… wow what a lucky girl!

Lady, your "baby" is a baby for a year. By 4-5, they're entering daycare-kindergarten. What you need to stay home for then?

[Anonymous]

Some of y’all just love being a wage slave and helping make someone else richer a little too much. You’ll definitely be glad that’s how you spent your time when you’re old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

DH was 25 when he proposed and had the same mindset. He really values family and has always been very ambitious and of the mindset that it is his responsibility to provide for us financially. I think men who want this often also want to get married earlyish and have a vision of life that includes a happy wife who doesn’t have to stress over money and bills and enjoys taking care of the home and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of y’all just love being a wage slave and helping make someone else richer a little too much. You’ll definitely be glad that’s how you spent your time when you’re old.

+a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of y’all just love being a wage slave and helping make someone else richer a little too much. You’ll definitely be glad that’s how you spent your time when you’re old.

You’ll be replaced so easily and forgotten so quickly once you’re gone. It’s only worth it for the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole stay-at-home wife thing is just dumb. Then he leaves and you have no money, the place in the job marketplace and you're SOL. Don't you want a life for yourself instead of a man handing you an allowance? This way of thinking is just nuts to me. Then after you've popped out 3+ kids, he decided he's bored and is banging someone he met at a conference and you're left broke, high and dry. SMH. Get your life together. A man is not a plan.

It’s so stupid. Thank god I was raised to always be able to support myself. Best thing parents can tell their daughters. Put then in team sports and find a career.

I remember hearing getting MRS is more important than getting a PhD. In my culture, many women are highly educated to land the right type of husband. I am well educated and married a fellow well educated successful man. I don’t need him. I am perfectly capable of supporting myself. I currently stay home to raise my three children because that is what is best for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Tell that to the GenX gray divorces I'm seeing with the SAHMs left with bread crumbs in their 50s-60s.

Trad wifes will see it in 20 years and then half to get their *sses out to compete with workers more than 1/2 their age for entry level jobs.

+1

The only way a gray divorce sees bread crumbs is if they lived hand to mouth and didn’t save. Marital assets are split 50/50, including home equity, retirement and taxable accounts. If they get “bread crumbs” it’s because they had nothing anyway.