12 yo daughter groped at school...at least twice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her that she has the responsibility to protect other girls from experiencing what she did. She is likely not alone. She’s only 12 and you need to step in.

No, no NO. It is NOT a 12 yr old's responsibility to protect other girls. It is the ADULTS involved in positions of decision-making who are responsible. And to say it the way you do makes it like the hell that that 12 yr old might go through in doing the right thing is somehow not a big deal or not important.

Yes, have conversations about how there were probably girls before her that didn't speak up and it let's people like this boy keep hurting other girls. But ALSO tell her that she's a victim, none of this is her fault, and doing the right thing IS the right thing to do, and it's also not easy. Tell her as a parent that you will do all you can to protect HER from more stress, and work with the school to set up a safety net for her, but that most of all she has to stay clear that this shouldn't happen and if she doesn't speak up, it's harder for the adults to stop him, though OP will still try.

But in the end, OP has to support her DD and work with her to be as ok as she can be, as protected as she can be, and making her feel responsible for what happens to other girls is not fair, not just, and punishes OP's DD even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time somebody assaults her (and there will be a next time), she needs to grab hold of them, hang on until she is dragged off, and in the meantime do everything she possibly can to visibly and painfully injure the attacker, all the while screaming “stop molesting me” at the top of her lungs. Practice gently at home. Get the therapist involved.

Seriously? Have you ever actually been to a high school? This would be very weird behavior completely out of proportion to what’s happening (unless “grope” is being used to describe something much different from what I think most of us understand).

MS and HS boys are awkwardly fumbling around trying to learn to how to flirt with girls, demonstrate interest, compete with one another, etc. Of course they shouldn’t be assaulting anyone. But if we’re talking about like a playful slap on the butt or something, I think DD can stand up for herself forcefully and tell the kid to knock it off without making herself look like a crazy person. I can just picture it… clawing at this kid, gouging eyes, hanging on to his shirt and screaming “stop molesting me!” in the middle of the hallway.

While I agree that the PP's idea that OP's anxious, private child is going to physically attack the offender is both ridiculous and almost impossible, your "explanation" of what's going on with boys is part of the problem with rape culture. You imply that this is "normal" and that a "playful slap on the butt" is not a big deal, just boys being boys and she can stand up for herself. That's a bunch of sexist bullsh*t, whatever gender you are it's still sexist and misogynist.

Stop making excuses for "boys being boys" and start saying "Yes, boys absolutely shouldn't touch girls AT ALL without the girl's consent, let's do better at teaching boys about the need for consent, and all unwanted touching needs to be taken seriously and stopped." If you're not saying that, you're perpetuating the rape culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time somebody assaults her (and there will be a next time), she needs to grab hold of them, hang on until she is dragged off, and in the meantime do everything she possibly can to visibly and painfully injure the attacker, all the while screaming “stop molesting me” at the top of her lungs. Practice gently at home. Get the therapist involved.

Seriously? Have you ever actually been to a high school? This would be very weird behavior completely out of proportion to what’s happening (unless “grope” is being used to describe something much different from what I think most of us understand).

MS and HS boys are awkwardly fumbling around trying to learn to how to flirt with girls, demonstrate interest, compete with one another, etc. Of course they shouldn’t be assaulting anyone. But if we’re talking about like a playful slap on the butt or something, I think DD can stand up for herself forcefully and tell the kid to knock it off without making herself look like a crazy person. I can just picture it… clawing at this kid, gouging eyes, hanging on to his shirt and screaming “stop molesting me!” in the middle of the hallway.

Not every girl in middle school can stand up to the boy and yell knock it off. The schools should at least try to teach them how to defend against “brushes against a boob or butt” that were “accidental”. Letting him know that you know what he’s doing and to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time somebody assaults her (and there will be a next time), she needs to grab hold of them, hang on until she is dragged off, and in the meantime do everything she possibly can to visibly and painfully injure the attacker, all the while screaming “stop molesting me” at the top of her lungs. Practice gently at home. Get the therapist involved.

Seriously? Have you ever actually been to a high school? This would be very weird behavior completely out of proportion to what’s happening (unless “grope” is being used to describe something much different from what I think most of us understand).

MS and HS boys are awkwardly fumbling around trying to learn to how to flirt with girls, demonstrate interest, compete with one another, etc. Of course they shouldn’t be assaulting anyone. But if we’re talking about like a playful slap on the butt or something, I think DD can stand up for herself forcefully and tell the kid to knock it off without making herself look like a crazy person. I can just picture it… clawing at this kid, gouging eyes, hanging on to his shirt and screaming “stop molesting me!” in the middle of the hallway.

What?? No, no, no, no way.

I have a teen boy and a girl. My teen boy has been told since he was 5 that he isn’t allowed to touch other people’s butts (girl or boy) without their permission.

No, it is NOT a playful slap on the but. That is not how a boy ‘demonstrates interest’ or ‘flirts’. Not a chance. Boys know better and boys can do better.