Is my dh alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

I don't drink, so I'm a poor judge. One or two cocktails before dinner. Every night. Then one wine or beer with dinner. Maybe another cocktail before bed, but I don't think this is regular. He never ever misses a day of drinking. Sometimes at dinner he's not very rational, and he goes to bed as early as possible. He does not seem to be impaired otherwise, but his dependency seems unhealthy to me, and I think it sets a bad example for my teens. Does he have a problem, or is this a normal amount to drink? If not, what do I do? He does not appreciate when I comment on how much he drinks. Thanks. PS he is early 50s.

[Anonymous]

Yes definitely sounds like it to me.

[Anonymous]

It is more than ideal, I'd think. Probably dependent, if not alcoholic. fwiw, DH drinks that much too, though more like 3x/week. I used to drink a lot too--2 or 3 glasses of wine a night, every night. ThenI realized it was not healthy. I decided to limit wine to weekends or social events and replaced my wine with another beverage (seltzer with rose's lime juice etc). I didn't really "miss" the wine, but I had to consciously change my habit.

I would wager its a habit that has become entrenched. See if he can replace some of those drinks with something else.

[Anonymous]

Don't have much experience in this area but I would think there would be other red flags in someone's personality that would also give an indication of a problem. Were either of his parents alcoholics?
Seems like you may already know the answer to your own question OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, once you're in a drug (and alcohol is one of them) you build tolerance. The more he drinks the less "impaired" he'll be and the more of the drug he'll need.

Yes, he's an alcoholic and you should offer a helping hand. No criticism and no judgment. Just support.

[Anonymous]

Can he go without for a few days without a change in personality. If so, not an alcoholic. If not, definitely. 2-3 days is enough to know.

[Anonymous]

Does his drinking cause problems in his life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he go without for a few days without a change in personality. If so, not an alcoholic. If not, definitely. 2-3 days is enough to know.

Not true at all. Many alcoholics can go several days without drinking. It's called "dry drunk" syndrome and many alcoholics, for example, will stay sober during the work weeks and spend the weekend completely obliterated.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are uncomfortable with your husband's level of drinking. He is resistant to your concerns about his drinking. I can't label him an alcoholic just from your post but it sounds like there is a problem here. You have identified at least one big problem, which is that you have two teens in the home who have a role model of a parent drinking four alcoholic beverages every single night of the week. That's something that you have every right to be concerned about.

Would your husband be willing to take this questionnaire:

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-mast/index.html

It MAY help him identify whether he has a problem with alcohol. But whether it does or not, you can still express concerns about his drinking.

[Anonymous]

It seems too much to me. Since the economy has affected us I noticed my husband has 2 beers a night and I am totally on his case.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's not drinking during the day, too. I worked with a man that kept a bottle of vodka in his desk, and you would have never known it by his behavior. At night, he allowed himself more, and became more visibly drunk. I don't think his family had any idea how much he drank during the day.

[Anonymous]

I think that the latest I heard is, clinicians are moving away from the label "alcoholic" and instead now refer to "problem drinkers". Because when we think of alcoholics we think of really extreme, non-functioning drunks. But a problem drinker may still be able to function at acceptable levels. The question is whether or not their drinking creates a problem - does it negatively affect some aspect of their lives? Their health, their relationships, their job, etc.

Check out this questionnaire:

http://www.whitman.edu/counseling/drnkpr.html

[Anonymous]

Yes OP - he's a functioning alcoholic. he's also destroying his liver, heart and brain cells.

he needs help, sorry

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the many people diagnosing here. As I read OP's post, her husband is having 2-3 drinks per day on most days, and occasionally having a 4th drink. He does not seem impaired. That does not seem too abnormal to me, and it's pretty much in line with the "1-2 glasses of wine per night" that many moms on DCUM acknowledge on other threads (http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/122795.page).

Could he be an alcoholic or a problem drinker? Sure, possibly. But it's not nearly as cut-and-dried as many are suggesting.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of one of my favorite lines I first read on DCUM: "An alcoholic is anyone who drinks more than you do; a tee-totaling bore is anyone who drinks less."