Need advice of how to make sure DH always "watches" our kids

[Anonymous]

First of all DH is a wonderful dad, very involved- hands on- helps with absolutely everything.. My BIG concern is his lack of keeping an eye on the kids when he's with them.. For example, at the grocery store, he'll just go half an aisle (back towards the grocery cart with our baby and toddler) to get something... I would take the cart with me.. OR be within arm reach with view of the kids.. I was there but I was looking for food and walked a bit away (then saw he left too). There was one time that I said I had to get eggs and asked DH to stay with DC (when we had one child only) and I came back and saw DD alone in carseat in the grocery cart in the aisle- DH's explanation was that I told him to get whatever food.. I would *never* leave my child!! We've gotten into fights about this.. He defends the grocery incident (not when DC was alone) by saying he left them when I was near the grocery cart.. The difference is I would *first tell DH* I was leaving to make sure he doesn't wander off. not just leave and not even look back.. yesterday, DH was playing with our toddler outside and the baby was in the stroller.. Our toddler came back in (where I was) - I could see DH pulling weeds from the front of the house.. I go to the garage (sife od the house) and see our baby in the stroller alone.. he wasn't even within eye view! I open the door and yelled why he left the baby alone and he snapped back that he was waiting for the toddler to come back out.. And I snapped that he shouldn't leave the baby alone..

Clearly we have different sense of "watching" our kids.. They are so young that I would not leave them out of sight and not very far from me.. I'm concerned since at the park (when he takes them alone)- I can imagine him doing the same type of thing.. run after the toddler and help with a slide but leave the baby in the stroller not within reach or view. The incident yesterday (and how he didn't get why I was mad though he did take the baby after that) gets me really worried and I don't know how to instill the sense of urgency to watch very closely our kids- always..

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Get a daddy cam. Seriously, we had/have a bit of this with DH who is constantly saying or thinking our preschool boys will be "boys" and I need to chill out. He loves to say "but they're not bleeding..."

Here are a few ideas.

Scare him straight.
A few well-placed accident stats scared the bejesus out of my DH. In fact, he's more vigilant about food safety than I am. (Although I am still the non-food choking hazard police.)

Peer pressure.
Get someone whose judgement you trust - preferably male - to go with him to park and catch him in the act. My BIL was awesome at this. He has 3 kids under 5 and showed DH how he does a 180 perimeter scan/head count every 30 seconds or so.

Ditch the stroller.
Make a deal. He uses baby carrier, or his arms, whenever outside for a few week and you do something equally important (no matter how irrational) for him.

Sorry this is tough for you. I can totally relate.

[Anonymous]

We went through this a couple of years ago. DH was supposed to be watching them while I was doing laundry. He calls me up from the basement, in a panic. I get up stairs, and there is blood everywhere. DD got a hold of some scissors and tried to cut DS's hair. Well DS put his hand up so she couldn't and DD cut off the tip of DS's finger. It wouldn't have happened if DH wasn't watching sports instead of his children.

Sad thing is I now have to remind him to give the kids some breathing room. When he is in charge, he micro manages them, which I find very annoying, and so do the kids.

[Anonymous]

Here is news today that made me even more scared of leaving our kids alone (and DH being unaware of how dangerous it can be to just walk away "for a little while" and leave them alone..
"
A 3-year-old girl was sexually assaulted in a Wal-Mart, and now police are asking for help in catching the suspect. The disturbing case of child sex abuse occurred two weeks ago in Orem.

The abuse happened May 14 while the girl was sitting in a shopping cart. But the suspect's actions were caught on surveillance tape, and now police are turning to the public for help in finding this child predator.

The video shows the suspect in the store for about an hour, and police say it appears he had only one reason for being there: to molest a child.

"He arrives at the store, walks in, and for roughly an hour he walks around Wal-Mart kind of passively looking at things. But for the most part, you see him shadowing small children," said Sgt. John McCombs, with the Orem Police Department.


The video even shows the man approach a young child sitting in the shopping cart. Just at the moment it appears he is ready to make his move, the child's mother turns around. The man keeps walking and starts to clap his hands together at this missed opportunity.

Sadly, the man later victimizes a 3-year-old girl. Police say a woman had her daughter sitting in a grocery cart when she went around the corner for just a few moments to grab an item. "And when she came back, her daughter had said, ‘That that man just touched me,' and pointed to herself where she had been touched," explained Lt. Doug Edwards, spokesman for Orem police.

"For an hour, he appears to be searching for a victim until he finally finds the one that he touches," McCombs said.


That's when the man immediately leaves Wal-Mart without buying anything. Security cameras also catch him leaving in this Chevy or GMC four-door pickup truck at the same time the victim's mother is reporting the crime to store security.

We showed the footage to Doctor Ted Harris, who treats sexually abused victims and predators. He says it's obvious the man is dangerous, more so than the average predator. "This guy appears to be pretty brazen. To go in public, risk being caught, there's got to be something going on with him that's pushed him over the edge," Dr. Harris said.

But it's also that risk of being caught that may lead to more attempts. Dr. Harris said, "He's walking around in public, seeking kids that he knows the parents are there, and so that increases his arousal, probably."

Close-calls may only keep him going. "The one kid where he starts clapping his hands, it's like, probably a sense of relief, but also a sense of excitement that, ‘yeah, I was that close, and I could've had that one,'" Dr. Harris said. "