Are you happy as a SAHM of school aged kids? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, very happy. Love being home. There is not that much time as one would think.

I was home for 11 years. I used to say this!!! Then I realized that I had the exact same “time” I have now (back to work) yet I only added 250k to the equation.


I am mao so much more efficient with my time now that I’m earning a living.

You must be a troll. To be a SAH FOR 11 yrs and then get a job for $250k, uh huh. What kind of job was this? Doctor?

Sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

My spouse makes $150K, and I stay home with one school age and one younger child. We live in a close-in DC suburb. We are thrifty but live comfortably, travel, etc. We save money nearly ever month, invest, etc. We have a life insurance policy for him, and most of our accounts are joint or in my name.

With college pushing 100k per year, staying home on 150k seems irresponsible.

Unlike PP, I have no judgment on the responsibility of someone else's financial decision. But I agree that $150k would be tight for us. My husband makes all in, a bit over 300 so we are fine for the time being, although I'll probably go back at some point to contribute. You can never have too much for retirement or college.

So according to you, no one can ever retire early. You must be so poor with managing your finances too. So with one kid how much do you think is good enough for college? And for retirement what is a good number ? Say you had 5M net worth, and a spouse making 150k, would a SAH parent be justified?
Or does that number have to be 10M? Serious questions.

[Anonymous]

We just moved and I spend a lot of my time doing a lot of DIY landscaping and projects on the house. It is an older house and needs a lot of work. I enjoy doing projects.

We are just not in a place where I can go to a regular job and have it all work out for our family. My kids have ADHD and need so much after school. When I have worked in the past, it just pushed the homework drama to later in the evening and it was pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

My fourth child is now in kindergarten, and being a SAHM has never been better. I like the quiet. I like to exercise. I like to meet friends for lunch and talk uninterrupted with my parents on the phone. I don’t get bored. In fact, I’m always sad when it’s time for the kids to come home.

I am very lucky, though, that I don’t have to worry about money. My husband is in tech and sold his small startup. He has a similar personality to others on here who say they’d get bored being home. His mind doesn’t rest. Once he is forced to retire, I can totally see him going back to school to study nanotech or something.

[Anonymous]

The mommy wars are alive and well. I worked for 15 years straight after college, then married at 37 and had our only child a year later. Husband traveled so did I (and husbands travels are int'l -he is never home). I opted out of a wonderful career at a big company (huge risk) and have been at home for the last 10 years. In that time I have tried real estate but the flexibility needed did not work with my husband's travels (which include weekends) -although I did survive 2 years. I then tried a work at home sales position but it was intense to the point you could not ever leave your phone and was not the kind of sales I was trained in. So here I am...pushing 50...with a master's degree and an amazing corporate background -I'm trying to opt back in but it is nearly impossible. I am happy being home (although I am a bit unusual -one child in school ha ha) but for now things are peaceful at our home. We have one car and make sacrifices but it allows my husband to really pursue things and he has been promoted multiple times now. All I'm saying is stop asking people "what do you do" when you first meet them. There is so much more to a person than their social stature of what kind of job they have.

[Anonymous]

I plan to to do this OP when daughter hits middle school. More afterachool activists, more driving, more homework. It just seems like I need to be around a lot more. Get all the other errands done and house cleaned and dinner ready during the day. Volunteer at achool etc. the days would probably fill up fast actually.

[Anonymous]

Well I was a SAH with school age children. This year I started tutoring (9 hours a week). Generally I fill the time with volunteering, going to the gym, and cleaning. Nothing too glamorous. Occasionally lunch with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mommy wars are alive and well. I worked for 15 years straight after college, then married at 37 and had our only child a year later. Husband traveled so did I (and husbands travels are int'l -he is never home). I opted out of a wonderful career at a big company (huge risk) and have been at home for the last 10 years. In that time I have tried real estate but the flexibility needed did not work with my husband's travels (which include weekends) -although I did survive 2 years. I then tried a work at home sales position but it was intense to the point you could not ever leave your phone and was not the kind of sales I was trained in. So here I am...pushing 50...with a master's degree and an amazing corporate background -I'm trying to opt back in but it is nearly impossible. I am happy being home (although I am a bit unusual -one child in school ha ha) but for now things are peaceful at our home. We have one car and make sacrifices but it allows my husband to really pursue things and he has been promoted multiple times now. All I'm saying is stop asking people "what do you do" when you first meet them. There is so much more to a person than their social stature of what kind of job they have.

Can we be friends? several similarities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am yeah.

But. Here are the caveats.

1. I hated the career I initially trained for (teaching). It wasn't the right fit for me and I was totally miserable doing it. Every year in September when I start to see the school buses practicing their routes before school starts, I genuinely feel so thankful that I'm not going back to work as a teacher and that I don't have to.

2. I can't think of another career I'd actually LIKE to do. Since I am fortunate enough not to have to work for money, it makes sense that I'd only go back to work if I came across something that genuinely interests me. I can't think of anything. There are things that I'm sort of interested in (like psychology) and I think about going back to school to study that but I don't really want to be a counselor or a social worker. So it seems like it would be a waste of money. I love to read and I think about maybe training to be an editor (I was an editor on our school newspaper in college) but when I really think about the work involved, and that most likely I would have to be reading and editing crap day in day out, it makes me reconsider.

Maybe I am kind of lazy? Because I LOVE not working. I love not having a boss. I love not being forced to spend time with people I might dislike (co-workers). I love being able to choose what I do during the day and the flexibility I have. I love having time to work out, shop for fresh produce, and cook healthy meals. I'm in the best shape of my life because I have the free time to do these things. It always baffles me when people say on these threads "I would be so bored not working!" I'm honestly never bored. I work out, I read a lot, I meet friends for lunch or a coffee, I shop for dinner and then cook, I volunteer, I spend time with my kids, I keep up with long distance friends over social media, etc. etc.

I get it if this wouldn't be enough for you (I know there are types who aren't satisfied just "working out" but need to be training for marathons or mountain climbing or need some huge goal in mind) but it is for me and I think a lot of people.

3. If I was in a career I LOVED, I'd still be working probably. That just never happened for me.

4. Our kids are very active and busy with their own activities and I enjoy taking them and watching them do their thing. On the days that they're not, sometimes we just curl up on the couch together and watch movies. I honestly enjoy that but I think some parents find it boring and would rather be at work. I wouldn't. SAHM is a good fit for me in that way.

5. My husband makes a lot of money so we have a really nice lifestyle. I wouldn't do this if we couldn't travel a lot, live in a nice house, pay for the kids' college educations, etc. etc. We save a lot and we have a large life insurance and disability policy in case something were to happen to him.

He also likes his job and wouldn't quit even if we won the lottery or something. He runs his own business so he's working for himself.

I read an article that stated that this was a big reason women left the work force after having babies - they just didn't like their jobs/careers enough to make the needed sacrifices. I think this often happens when women are in low-income jobs where it seems like childcare would eat the entire cost or cost more than what they make. If the women really loved their jobs they were willing to take a hit for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a stay at home mom for 11 years (three kids) and this is the first year my kids have been in full time school. I very much enjoy my life and keep myself busy.

That being said, I will warn you of one little catch which is that at least half of my SAHM friends went back to work once their youngest was in full time school, for financial reasons mostly. I still have my friends to get together with for workouts or lunches, etc, but it isn't as social as it was when our kids were younger and we had playgroups and met up at the playground etc. That phase of my life was much more socially engaging than my career ever was (small office at a nonprofit).

At least in my area, there are fewer SAHMs to connect with when your kids are school age vs. pre-k, so you'll need to find your network. Maybe that isn't other moms at all - maybe you'll want to find a hobby, or a running group, hit the dog park, etc. But social connection is important for mental wellbeing and that aspect of it gets harder as a SAHM of older children.

I work PT and in my neighborhood it doesn't seem like there are any SAHMs! I wish I had more people to have lunch with and go to museums, etc. on my days off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fourth child is now in kindergarten, and being a SAHM has never been better. I like the quiet. I like to exercise. I like to meet friends for lunch and talk uninterrupted with my parents on the phone. I don’t get bored. In fact, I’m always sad when it’s time for the kids to come home.

I am very lucky, though, that I don’t have to worry about money. My husband is in tech and sold his small startup. He has a similar personality to others on here who say they’d get bored being home. His mind doesn’t rest. Once he is forced to retire, I can totally see him going back to school to study nanotech or something.

So you take no personal responsibility for your own financial well-being?