ANTI-CHILDREN wedding? can't even bring children to the resort even if you have your own babysitter?

[Anonymous]

The essence of a wedding is NOT bringing two families together as one. The essence of a wedding is a man and woman to bring their OWN lives together. I am not close to many of my family members (my mom was abusive and several of her side of the family have been in and out of jail and a good chunk of them are non-functioning alcoholics). I love my husband's family. We ultimately decided against a destination wedding because it wasn't right for us. But having the wedding at home was first of all MUCH more expensive (like 15K more) and it also meant we could not exclude family. Yes, shockingly, some people WANT to do this, and it's not because they are assholes, it is because their family causes them stress and pain. People who think that weddings belong to the famiily and not the couple should rethink this approach. And this poster in particular should step outside of her own little world and realize that people have lots of complicated reasons behind the decisions they make about their wedding -- it's not always being a "bridezilla." Oh, and to the woman who said that kids don't cost THAT much more? Tell that to me and my husband. We both come from long lines of Catholic families. Accomodating everyone's kids would have meant 64 extra mouths to feed. We only had 100 at our wedding to begin with, so even if kids are cheaper, that's a HUGE burden to shoulder when we were paying for this gala ourselves. Oh, and we did just the basics, didn't go over the top, so please don't say that I could have skipped the expensive flowers to have kids there -- we did our own flowers and cut the budget down to the minimum.

[Anonymous]

PP here -- to be fair, this is an entirely different matter than the issue of banning kids outright from the entire weekend. I would never do this. I don't think it is right; as others have pointed out, it's rude and presumptive to try to dictate what your guests do with their free time at ANY wedding, much less at a wedding they've had to make a vacation out of. As for folks having festivities at adults-only resorts, that's a gray area. As someone who initially looked into doing a destination wedding, it's not as easy as it seems. Many of the resorts ARE adults only. Others charge the couple a deposit for all of the rooms (several in Mexico did this) so if the kids did something to the rooms, the couple was on the hook. We had a hard time finding a destination wedding resort that was right for us, and if you had to factor in a place that also accepted kids, that might make it harder. Then again, I would think a couple would make a sister's child a prioriity on the "right for us" requirements.

[Anonymous]

It's someone else's event. Not yours. You don't like it, too bad. If you were invited to a non-alcoholic party and you enjoy drinking would you get annoyed that you can show up with a bottle of Jack? It's there damn wedding...not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just as many folks are finding the bridal couple's request for no kids at the resort to be rude, I find the suggestion to outright ignore their stated request to be rather offensive.

The couple has stated their wishes. So be it. I imagine they are aware of the possible repercussions (e.g. declined invitations).

If you disagree with their request, or otherwise cannot make appropriate accomidations, just don't go. And like some others have said, you really need not provide an explanation. But to ignore a known aspect of their event.....that is out of line. [Please, no comments back about the couple being out of line for making this decree.....it is their event.....invited guests who take issue should just decline politely.]

I posted the above. It's kinda hard to believe that this thread is again active more than a year later! Emotions continue to run high I see.

To 23:18 who is planning a destination wedding w/o kids, including her future niece: No, you are not obliged to change your plans. As others have pointed out, you should be prepared to graciously accept that your future sister-in-law likely cannot attend. Only you and your soon-to-be hubby can weigh that consequence relative to your wedding decisions. I would hope neither you nor she carry a grudge about the other's decision. Hopefully, your relationship with her is founded (or will be founded) on a consistent history of wonderful things that demonstrate your love and support for each other. As someone else said - it is "just" a wedding! A very important event, but one of many important events in a lifetime. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a sec-why do you get to decide where someone spends their money? You wouldn't be friends with someone because they wanted to spend 50K on a wedding?? That sounds like if someone deesn't want to invest the amount that you deem is acceptable then they are bad people. I have to say that if someone was trying to make me feel bad about spending money on something that I really found important than I probably wouldn't want to be friends with them either. I find it interesting that you have decided a wedding is a silly day--not all people feel that way. In my family, a wedding is a very important and serious right of passage that has a lot of ritual to it--my parents put aside money for my weddding and wouldn't even allow me to pay for it when I said I was happy to pay. It was costly yes but a wonderful memory that I will always cherish. It helps maybe that my parents are happily married as are most of my family so we don't have the feeling that a wedding is something that happens every five years.

But..back to the earlier point. The couple can in fact say at a destination wedding that it isn't a kids wedding because they want an adults weekend. When everyone is staying together at a resort,it can definitely become a weekend rife with kids everywhere. Why is that so hard to understand. A friend also brought up something interesting that the wedding people may want to avoid. That is people coming to the wedding and staying for an hour at the reception because they want to get back to their kids. Or leaving other expensive events that are part of the wedding weekend because they want to get back to their kids. I defintely notice a change in some of my friends when their kids are involved. What is really perplexing is that some people think this is so awful. I am still amazed that someone would be so overwhelmed and angry at the thought of not including their kids for a weekend-kind of scary actually. Don't you want a night or two away from your kids and with your husband in a great locale minus kids???

OMG, I don't even know where to start with this one. After your second paragraph my chin is on the floor. Its so off the point of this thread, but I can't let this go. So here it goes:

Guess what? YOU DON'T GET TO DICTATE THE BEHAVIOR AND PERSONALITY OF YOUR WEDDING GUESTS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND! Your "friends" are people too! They aren't just cardboard cutouts that are there to fill your "expensive" seats at your wedding events, smile adoringly at you and lavish you with praise. Yes, its "your day", but they have lives, feelings, kids, etc., and if you can't stand that they have become parents and have other priorities besides staring at you, then don't invite them.

I cannot believe that in the same post you harangue someone for dictating what should be spent on a wedding and then you also complain about someone leaving an "expensive" event early!!! Did your wedding invitation have minimum time requirements for the reception, otherwise guests needed to reimburse you? What kind of attitude is this?! Did you make sure that all cell phones are turned off and sick kids cut off from communicating with parents, as to get their full attention on you and your loving husband?

Don't get me wrong: kids-free weddings are fine. Vacationing without kids if you want to is great! But DICTATING as a bride that no child come near a resort? That your friends don't leave events early? That they don't "act different," as in as parents, is just ridiculous. Even on your special day, the world doesn't revolve around you, sweetheart.

Sigh. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, please resume the regular programming. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as many folks are finding the bridal couple's request for no kids at the resort to be rude, I find the suggestion to outright ignore their stated request to be rather offensive.

The couple has stated their wishes. So be it. I imagine they are aware of the possible repercussions (e.g. declined invitations).

If you disagree with their request, or otherwise cannot make appropriate accomidations, just don't go. And like some others have said, you really need not provide an explanation. But to ignore a known aspect of their event.....that is out of line. [Please, no comments back about the couple being out of line for making this decree.....it is their event.....invited guests who take issue should just decline politely.]

THANK YOU! I feel like parents get so righteous that everywhere they go, their kids should go. But I believe that there are some adult only situations! Children are not miniature adults, nor should they be expected to behave that way. A child's behavior is unpredictable and temper tantrums can occur at anytime. A child is cognitively not developmentally able to sit still for 30 minutes (trust me I know this from a medical, developmental standpoint). Would you really want one of your groom's old fraternity buddies kids to start screaming in the middle of your vows? Everyone talks about how cute kids are, and I TOTALLY agree. However, kids also cry, scream, throw up, and poop their pants. A wedding is no place for children. Chuckie cheese and birthday parties are more appropriate.

It is totally disrespectful to just ignore what the bride and groom wants. I think that is very very rude. Whether or not you agree with their wishes, you should respect them. For example, tf someone came to your house and you asked them to take off their shoes, you would expect them to take off their shoes whether or not they wore shoes in their house. This situation is just about different beliefs, and as their guests you should respect their beliefs even though you obviously disagree.

Another poster wrote "what happened to being a good host?" and I have to ask "what happened to being a good guest?" If someone invites you to an event, it is NEVER acceptable to bring whomever you want. If you do not agree with the fact that they did not invite someone you want to bring THEN DON'T GO.

Dear Lord, why did you dredge up this year old post? This should just die!

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this has been answered somewhere on the 11 pages: OP, did you end up going?

I liked the idea of just staying at a different resort. I do understand kids don't rule the world, but neither do brides and grooms. They get a day, not a weekend.

[Anonymous]

This thread (and all the back and forth arguing) is why my DH and I eloped to Vegas. I should only be so lucky that my kids learn from their parents and do the same.

And one more thing -- one of the points of a destination wedding IS to give those people you don't give a shit about (and who don't give a shit about you) but you "have" to invite a good excuse to not come.

[Anonymous]

Well, if the groom's sister and your future niece are those people "you dont give a shit about", then feel free to hold your wedding in a place/manner where they cant attend and will specifically feel excluded.

But if not, perhaps you should reconsider what is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, if the groom's sister and your future niece are those people "you dont give a shit about", then feel free to hold your wedding in a place/manner where they cant attend and will specifically feel excluded.

But if not, perhaps you should reconsider what is more important.

People vote with their feet. Maybe you should rethink the relationship between groom's sister and future niece...

[Anonymous]

Did you go to the wedding? How was it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to the wedding? How was it?

Can't believe you are actually asking this as this was a long time ago. No, we didn't go, as we had a bad case of the stomach flu after all and didn't make it.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids but completely would be fine if I was invited to a kids free destination wedding-either I could get a sitter and go or not go but I would not for a minute try to push my way and have that my kids could come. I get why. Too often people plan a destination wedding for intimacy and have various events planned and most people who would insist on their kids coming would be the same people who would say oh Johnny is so quiet and not a problem at all and Johnny would be at events that are not appropriate. So yes you can dictate a desination wedding as long as you are okay if people need to decline if they don't want to go without their kids.

[Anonymous]

I am living a similar but opposite situation. My sister-in-law is planning a destination wedding and wants my daugther in the bridal party. I absolutely do not want to bring my children, I'd rather leave them at home with my mom. By the wedding, she will be 2 years old and my son 4. The idea of so many pools and strangers are not appealing to me. I would love to bring them when they are much older. Plus, by 7 or 8p.m. they will be sleeping so I have to stay in our room, plus nap time during the day. To spend 5000 to 8000$ to spend so much time in a room just doesn't make sense to me. I JUST want to spend alone time with my husband which is a rare thing and a week, we've never done that since our children are born. Am I being unreasonble in not wanting to bring my two small kids to a destination wedding???

[Anonymous]

1. It is their wedding day, their decisions. Don't go if you do not want to go. Send husband.

2. To some people your refusal in leaving your children for a weekend and the fact that you have never left them for a weekend is equally inflexible as their request.

3. Move on.