Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to go to a school where the number of men is at least slightly larger than the number of women.

#men < #women - men have market power and play the field. casual sex and hookups are common.

#men > #women - women rule, what they want goes. men try to lock them down via long term relationships.

what are these schools?

Tech schools like Purdue, WPI, MIT, Colorado school of mines, GTech, VTech, etc

+1
And you don't even have to be a STEM major to attend these schools. Maybe Mines, but not the others. I have a humanities major at one of them. Great to have slightly more men than women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Saying hello, striking up a conversation and asking someone out are not sexual harassment. They are normal social interactions.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess two things, sort of contradictory -

1) There are fewer quality guys now (see all the recent stories about this)

This whole attitude that “there are very few quality guys and so many quality girls” is a huge part of the problem.

You’re single because you think you’re better than them. And you’re not.

LOUDER for the girl-moms in the back. So very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole post, but Virginia Tech’s dating scene seems abysmal. Tons of hook up culture and not many nice guys with decent social skills. DD has tons of girlfriends and is in a sorority and all of her friends feel the same.

I have a daughter at VT who would totally disagree with this. She's not in a sorority, but has a great group of friends, both girls and guys, and has dated a little. Though she isn't ready for a serious relationship at this point (she enjoys her independence!) she's certainly met lots of smart, kind, good looking guys - most of whom she's just friends with.

I like the other poster's suggestion to circle back five or so years after graduation and re-explore some of these friendships to see if there might be something more. I always tell her to marry her best friend, so maybe one day she will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a disservice it is to tell boys that politely saying hi and introducing themselves is somehow offensive and what a disservice it is to girls to act like it’s some obnoxious big deal to have that happen. A guy should act like a normal social being and speak to people. A girl should act like a normal social person and find a way to politely decline if not interested. The same goes for the opposite direction. Why is everyone acting like being friendly is somehow offensive?

+1000
The past few years of this nonsense has done a real number on our young people and NORMAL dating habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

Agree more good girls than guys- but the imbalance is at almost every school. It seems much harder to find a quality guy

If you are a girl at UVA and you can’t find “a quality guy” at a place where there are huge numbers of high stats UMC boys (ie the male equivalent of you) then the problem is definitely 100% you.

You can even just… talk to guys. They will like it!

Maybe that's why my friends beautiful daughters who are at UVA have really ugly/awkward boyfriends. Yikes!

What if male quality is not a function of appearance… what if these girls are pretty obviously seeing qualities in these guys beyond the superficial one of appearance…

This^. Either other guys don't find just beauty attractive and rather date someone nicer, smarter and funnier or these girls aren't interested in just handsomeness but character, humor and intelligence. Looks aren't all that and a cup of butter for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

Seriously. Land the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

I like the other poster's suggestion to circle back five or so years after graduation and re-explore some of these friendships to see if there might be something more.

Terrible idea. If there’s no spark, better to find out now. If there is a spark, and you waited 5 years, then you just wasted 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Not ready to date is not a good thing. They are in college ~ get on with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

Seriously. Land the helicopter.

THIS. Every week, some worried mom gets on here and gripes about the lack of dating at colleges. It sounds so desperate and as if the sole purpose of girls attending college is to find a husband. What year are we in? Leave the kids alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

I'm the PP. Go watch some PUA cold approach compilation videos and pay careful attention to how the women must be feeling. I wasn't making a normative statement or supporting the status quo, just stating it. The interesting thing is that due to the stigma that comes with approaching women, the nicest men are least likely to talk to strange women without a good reason, while the not-nice-est men are most likely to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Transfer in hopes of finding a boyfriend? Are you serious?

Clearly a troll, but I am sure it will be many pages long nonetheless

Not a troll- not to find a boyfriend but to find more like minded mature, ambitious men to even converse with and maybe date...

She’s at the same school as these guys you claim are not ambitious or mature. Think about it.

The confident attractive girls are approached by the boys whether it’s after class, at lunch or drinking at a party. It’s just not true that there are whole schools out there where everyone is the same and no one hooks up or dates.

Give it time. These girls will eventually find guys that they have things in common. Find guys you can laugh with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

Agree more good girls than guys- but the imbalance is at almost every school. It seems much harder to find a quality guy

If you are a girl at UVA and you can’t find “a quality guy” at a place where there are huge numbers of high stats UMC boys (ie the male equivalent of you) then the problem is definitely 100% you.

You can even just… talk to guys. They will like it!

Maybe that's why my friends beautiful daughters who are at UVA have really ugly/awkward boyfriends. Yikes!

What is wrong with you?

I know. That age group has their own style and it’s not necessarily appealing to middle aged women. I’ll bet the guys are very good looking to their girlfriends.