Giving kids a down payment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

I was referring to those people who accused OP of bragging about his/her money. They don't know anything about OP and that was very judgmental. OP could very much be from a different culture where it is a customary thing to give children money for down payment even for middle class parents.

I partially agree with what you said about money comes with strings attached. However even in Asian countries, the trend is changing, and many parents don't rely 100% on their kids to take care of them at old age. High-end nursing homes are becoming more popular, and lots of older generation realized that living with their adult children would cause conflicts with their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. My grandma (East Asian) for example, is 89 and still living on her own. My dad visits once a week and hires a part-time helper for her. My parents are in their late 60s and instead of living with me, are traveling around the world. They'll still more likely to help me financially (even though I don't need it) just because it's the culture they're accustomed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

It's even harder when your peers are being funded for all those things in their 30s, but you are already being asked to take care of your middle-class parents or in-laws because they feel entitled to a piece of your success. It's almost impossible to turn things around for your own kind when you're sandwiched between the demands of both generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

It's even harder when your peers are being funded for all those things in their 30s, but you are already being asked to take care of your middle-class parents or in-laws because they feel entitled to a piece of your success. It's almost impossible to turn things around for your own kind when you're sandwiched between the demands of both generations.

You had me until the “even private school tuition” line. That had me rolling my eyes. Private school is just not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

You had me until the “even private school tuition” line. That had me rolling my eyes. Private school is just not necessary.

PP. I'm not following. Most people I know who can fork over $$$ for a down payment are happy to support private school tuition.

[Anonymous]

Quick reminder that you never know what will come up- we never planned to do private school but our son has 4 different disabilities, he would be failing out of public school and thank God the grandparents are paying for a special ed private school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick reminder that you never know what will come up- we never planned to do private school but our son has 4 different disabilities, he would be failing out of public school and thank God the grandparents are paying for a special ed private school

Imo that is where private is needed. You spend at a young age to give your kids the best chance at "their best future". We didn't do private but did intensive therapy and tutoring to address our kids learning issues in 3rd grade thru early hs. Without it they might not have succeeded. With it they went to college, graduated in 4 years and is employed. You spend when young to help them the best you can when there are leaning issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

Goodness, generalize much? We are Asian, we have given our kids money but have no strings attached. Not all Asians are the same just like not all white families worked the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

I think you are quite limited in your understanding of white families. It is very common for parents to help their adult kids. What’s uncommon is to talk about it. My kids go to a very expensive private school and I’d say more than half of the students tuition if funded by grandparents. We are talking like 40K/yr per kid. The school is predominantly white and I can promise you the money is not limited to tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

I think you are quite limited in your understanding of white families. It is very common for parents to help their adult kids. What’s uncommon is to talk about it. My kids go to a very expensive private school and I’d say more than half of the students tuition if funded by grandparents. We are talking like 40K/yr per kid. The school is predominantly white and I can promise you the money is not limited to tuition.

40k/yr is not very expensive private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

You cannot be serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

We got nothing from our parents. I was still paying for my parents' living expenses before Covid because their pensions were tiny. I will definitely give my kids money to help them now I can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

Of course you take care of your parents. When I left for US, my parents gave me $1600, which was their life saving. After that I was on my own. Now I pay for my parents' retirement because they are my parents, and because they did their best for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

You cannot be serious.

Dunno if they are but I am. You in DCUM land have no idea how the other 90-odd percent of Americans live. I was lucky to keep my SS survivor benefits to help get thru college, combined with loans and aid. Mom worked but dad was disabled tor years before he died and we had little savings as a result. We got money for a custom built bookcase/cabinet piece of furniture as a wedding gift from her. His mom gave us a dresser. We saved and got our own down payment buying a house at ages 35/34.
I had an SM he had a PhD.

[Anonymous]

We each got $1m for the down payment. Why ask the board though? Just figure it out based on your circumstances and where your kids want to live.