How is Sorority Rush going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the outrage over girls that are upset if they are dropped by the top houses? Of course they are not interested in joining a group of girls in the lower houses that have nothing in common with them. These dropped girls were very popular in high school, are smart, beautiful and fun. They have always been at the top of the social standing at their various schools. It is not odd that they would expect to be in the top sorority at college. It is a shock and let down when they are rejected. The girls in these top houses are their people, not the nerdier girls that are in the bottom houses struggling for members. Obviously, the girls in the bottom houses are probably kind, smart and great people, but they are not a match for the girl that was the top of the food chain at their high school. Surely you get this. Admitting this online in an anonymous forum does not make you a horrible person. It is reality.

OMG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so messed up. Glad my daughters are completely uninterested in Greek nonsense.

This.

As a Brit couple that has been living in the DC for the last 12 years, it is beyond comprehension how absurd what these girls and families are willing to do to be a part of the Greek system. Such an American idiotic pay to play group…..

you guys have the royals so there is that

And the entire nobility...

Yes, here in the U.S. we don't have a caste system as you do in the UK.
DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to see the whole "Greek" system done away with. I can't believe it's a net positive.

Agree 100%. Would love to hear from these Striver Moms that feel the need to belong through their Daughter’s social escapades if they had a a choice between an IVY acceptance and no Greek OR the Top Sorority in their mind at a t20 to t50 school what would they pick?

The American university system is great. The Greek system is a complete joke.

I was in a sorority (one of the “top” national ones). I want my DD to do what she wants to do. It isn’t my life. We very much stress academics, but if she decides to attend a school other than an Ivy even though she is admitted to an Ivy, that is her choice.

DP. I believe all the Ivies have Greek life. (Princeton uses "Eating Houses" as a proxy, but basically the same thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to see the whole "Greek" system done away with. I can't believe it's a net positive.

Agree 100%. Would love to hear from these Striver Moms that feel the need to belong through their Daughter’s social escapades if they had a a choice between an IVY acceptance and no Greek OR the Top Sorority in their mind at a t20 to t50 school what would they pick?

The American university system is great. The Greek system is a complete joke.

I was in a sorority (one of the “top” national ones). I want my DD to do what she wants to do. It isn’t my life. We very much stress academics, but if she decides to attend a school other than an Ivy even though she is admitted to an Ivy, that is her choice.

DP. I believe all the Ivies have Greek life. (Princeton uses "Eating Houses" as a proxy, but basically the same thing.)

I agree it doesn't matter what they're called, but I do think residential vs non residential is an important distinction. Harvard and Princeton have frats that aren't called frats, yes. But everyone still lives in the dorms, which is a basic sanity check.

[Anonymous]

And even Princeton has Greek life (in addition to their pseudo Greek Eating Clubs); per online they can’t pledge until sophomore year and not formally recognized by the University (same for Harvard). Penn and Cornell definitely have them, and my online search says Duke, MIT and Stanford so yes, even ‘elite’ schools have them like the lowly state unis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During my time at an Ivy League school, I was part of one of the top sororities and got what some might call “premium access” to a who’s who in the world. Sure, it seemed like an exclusive ticket to networking and social perks, but looking back, I realize how much pressure and superficiality came with it. Being in a sorority often felt like living in a bubble of strict social codes and image-conscious judgments. That kind of environment can distract students from the very reason they’re at an elite university in the first place: to explore their academic interests, expand their worldview, and build authentic friendships on their own terms.

When my daughter went to the same Ivy, I was relieved she decided not to join a sorority. She found plenty of ways to connect with amazing people—through internships, study groups, and extracurricular clubs—without getting swept up in the politics and cliques I experienced. At a school with so many opportunities to learn and grow, there’s really no need for the added stress and exclusivity of Greek life. Everyone’s journey is different, but I’ve seen firsthand how that extra layer of social pressure can overshadow what truly matters in college: figuring out who you are, pursuing your passions wholeheartedly, and surrounding yourself with friends who appreciate you for more than just letters on a sweatshirt.

Finally some common sense…..

I guess Sororities make more sense for big State schools…..not the truly elite schools.

What? Big state schools have tons of opportunities, clubs, organizations, etc. At many big state schools, Greek life is less than 20%, so the vast majority of students do NOT rush. Some "truly elite schools," such as Dartmouth, are about 80% Greek. MIT also has a large Greek population. Most of the non-elite privates, like Tulane, Vanderbilt, and Wake Forest, are also Greek-heavy.

[Anonymous]

love how you call all these schools non elite and are tone deaf how awful you sound.
Maybe a sorority would have been good for you no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During my time at an Ivy League school, I was part of one of the top sororities and got what some might call “premium access” to a who’s who in the world. Sure, it seemed like an exclusive ticket to networking and social perks, but looking back, I realize how much pressure and superficiality came with it. Being in a sorority often felt like living in a bubble of strict social codes and image-conscious judgments. That kind of environment can distract students from the very reason they’re at an elite university in the first place: to explore their academic interests, expand their worldview, and build authentic friendships on their own terms.

When my daughter went to the same Ivy, I was relieved she decided not to join a sorority. She found plenty of ways to connect with amazing people—through internships, study groups, and extracurricular clubs—without getting swept up in the politics and cliques I experienced. At a school with so many opportunities to learn and grow, there’s really no need for the added stress and exclusivity of Greek life. Everyone’s journey is different, but I’ve seen firsthand how that extra layer of social pressure can overshadow what truly matters in college: figuring out who you are, pursuing your passions wholeheartedly, and surrounding yourself with friends who appreciate you for more than just letters on a sweatshirt.

Finally some common sense…..

I guess Sororities make more sense for big State schools…..not the truly elite schools.

What? Big state schools have tons of opportunities, clubs, organizations, etc. At many big state schools, Greek life is less than 20%, so the vast majority of students do NOT rush. Some "truly elite schools," such as Dartmouth, are about 80% Greek. MIT also has a large Greek population. Most of the non-elite privates, like Tulane, Vanderbilt, and Wake Forest, are also Greek-heavy.

This is a very dated view of Vanderbilt. It's harder to get into "non-elite" Vanderbilt than it is most Ivy League schools. And it's only about 20 percent Greek these days.

[Anonymous]

I was a first gen student with an immigrant mother, father was not in the picture. I knew nothing about Greek life. I think there might have been two frats and one sorority at my “directional” university. My husband is also an immigrant, so he wasn’t involved in that scene either. I never encouraged her to join Greek life.

Jump to my DD who is in a sorority at at T25 school. She is in a “mid-tier” house. So far she likes it. The dues are about $3K a year, and that includes some meals (she lives off campus). She is gaining experience leading different events, and has a leadership position starting this year. There are some aspects she thinks are annoying and silly, but she sees this experience more as an investement in her future regarding networking and volunteer work. She will live in the house next year, and he rent will be much lower. Plus, the location of the house is very close to central campus area.

I think she got dropped by her first choice house, but is happy where she landed. She tells me about drug use (cocaine) by some members of top tier frats and sororities. Not all members are doing drugs of course. I am sure there is some use by brothers and sisters in all tiers, but she has noticed it only by some in those top houses.

Most of her friends are in Greek life as well. She has friends in different sororities too. Compared to what I have heard from Greek life at other schools, her sorority seems a lot more chill. For example, she knows a girl whose mom went down to her university (Alabama) on Bid Day to line the streets and cheer the girls on. None of that stuff happened at my DD’s school. That just seems so over the top!

Basically, so far, from my DD’, I think this has been a good experience for her. I can see though, how it can be a ridiculous, expensive, superficial, frustrating and heartbreaking experience for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was a first gen student with an immigrant mother, father was not in the picture. I knew nothing about Greek life. I think there might have been two frats and one sorority at my “directional” university. My husband is also an immigrant, so he wasn’t involved in that scene either. I never encouraged her to join Greek life.

Jump to my DD who is in a sorority at at T25 school. She is in a “mid-tier” house. So far she likes it. The dues are about $3K a year, and that includes some meals (she lives off campus). She is gaining experience leading different events, and has a leadership position starting this year. There are some aspects she thinks are annoying and silly, but she sees this experience more as an investement in her future regarding networking and volunteer work. She will live in the house next year, and he rent will be much lower. Plus, the location of the house is very close to central campus area.

I think she got dropped by her first choice house, but is happy where she landed. She tells me about drug use (cocaine) by some members of top tier frats and sororities. Not all members are doing drugs of course. I am sure there is some use by brothers and sisters in all tiers, but she has noticed it only by some in those top houses.

Most of her friends are in Greek life as well. She has friends in different sororities too. Compared to what I have heard from Greek life at other schools, her sorority seems a lot more chill. For example, she knows a girl whose mom went down to her university (Alabama) on Bid Day to line the streets and cheer the girls on. None of that stuff happened at my DD’s school. That just seems so over the top!

Basically, so far, from my DD’, I think this has been a good experience for her. I can see though, how it can be a ridiculous, expensive, superficial, frustrating and heartbreaking experience for many.

Love how you sprinkle in drug use in top house. Doubt it and if in one then all. Usually there is cattiness toward top house if someone was dropped. Also to the mom who went to bid day well good for her. I think that is a nice thing. Maybe she was in a sorority and had happy memories.

[Anonymous]

NP and naive parent here - how prevalent is drug use in sororities and college overall? I know weed is everywhere, but surprised to hear about cocaine... My kid goes to a nyc private hs and i hear more about alcohol use. What's happening on campuses these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some sec schools, there may be more legacies rushing the so called top sororities than places available that year: quota. These sorts of groups already have an official list of girls they want before rush ever begins. Yes, it should be possible to get a bid if you accept all your invitations each round, if you understood recommendations were necessary and if there actually are enough spots for every rushee. In the past, at least, I believe Indiana was one of those schools with more rushees than spots available.

It's one of those experiences where understanding what is happening may be very helpful. It's not a level playing field and definitely exclusionary in ways perhaps impossible for outsiders to see. A whole lot more is going on than judging zip codes, weight, and designer goods.

Correct. Those elements may be appealing to certain mid-tier sororities for sure. But at many schools where it is super competitive - especially at SEC-type flagships - the top houses are filled with girls from the 'right' schools/families/summer camps. Wealth can be new and designer goods can be fake/cringe but connections are real and old.

I have no idea if this is the case with Indiana though.

It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed at UVA in 2010 (wow...how is that possible) but did not pledge a sorority. Not going to lie, it was...difficult.

I never really thought about/wanted to join a sorority prior to college - it was not on my radar, but I signed up for rush because it was such a big thing at UVA. I was out of state and didn't know anyone. Long story short, I ended up getting dropped from most sororities and getting a bid from what those on campus called the 'fat', 'loser' sorority (I may have been a loser, but I was not fat!) I declined the bid and decided not to be in a sorority at all.

EVEN AS someone who didn't really care that much about being in a sorority and went on to have good friends and a good college experience, it really stung. I remember telling my mom that 'a third of the girls at this school must not like me' after getting dropped nearly everywhere, and I always felt a bit insecure wondering what it was. In class, I'd wonder if I was sitting near a girl who dropped me or had talked badly about me during the decision-making process. Even looking back today, I wonder what was wrong with me at the time. And some people took it even harder - a girl in my dorm was so devastated her parents had to come up, and she nearly withdrew from the school (she ended up staying, fortunately, and getting really involved in a cool hobby group where she ended up meeting her husband, so all worked out).

Anyways, I find the system problematic and wouldn't support my daughter joining a sorority or rushing.

Same experience, same school, but in the 90s. If I could go back and choose a different college, I would pick one where there was no Greek system. It really soured my time there.

I'm sorry you also had that experience. I should add - it was even more difficult for women whose friends joined, and they did not (I met many of my friends later in my first year, but most of my 'initial' friends did not pledge).

Yeah, it just really caused a rift in friendships that had organically formed on my hall. Just when you’re starting to get to know people and settle in, there’s a seismic social shift.

This is exactly why IMO rush should not occur until spring semester. Freshman need to opportunity to adjust to being on campus and to academics. Let them learn to make their own friends, based on interests.

Back in the 80s, I lived in the party dorm on campus in the center of the frat quad. Rush was still fall quarter. Literally rush started day 3 of freshman orientation. So a kid had not even had their first college class. You had barely met people in your dorm and "orientation groups", and were thrust into rushing. I didn't rush, but all but me and one other girl on our floor (50+) rushed. I watched girls who were starting friendships from the first 3 days, stop being friends as the process evolved---largely because they were so focused on rush. If you made it to next round, you were not supposed to associate with those who were not "next round in the same tier of sororities". So those budding friendships dissolved.

I used to call it (and still do) "paying to make friends". At least allow freshman a quarter/semester to meet people and make their own friendships. Then they can decide what is best for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the National Panhellenic decide how many girls can be in each house? If there are 9 houses and 90 % of the girls want the same 3 houses, why cant the popular house expand to accommodate more girls? They try to force all these girls into the houses with weird or awkward girls (sorry but true) and then they just end up dropping out and are traumatized. Why cant you just have 5 really big sororities? It makes no sense to me. It is just brutal and mean to these girls.

Perhaps you should stop referring to 18 yo girls as "weird and awkward"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I was a first gen student with an immigrant mother, father was not in the picture. I knew nothing about Greek life. I think there might have been two frats and one sorority at my “directional” university. My husband is also an immigrant, so he wasn’t involved in that scene either. I never encouraged her to join Greek life.

Jump to my DD who is in a sorority at at T25 school. She is in a “mid-tier” house. So far she likes it. The dues are about $3K a year, and that includes some meals (she lives off campus). She is gaining experience leading different events, and has a leadership position starting this year. There are some aspects she thinks are annoying and silly, but she sees this experience more as an investement in her future regarding networking and volunteer work. She will live in the house next year, and he rent will be much lower. Plus, the location of the house is very close to central campus area.

I think she got dropped by her first choice house, but is happy where she landed. She tells me about drug use (cocaine) by some members of top tier frats and sororities. Not all members are doing drugs of course. I am sure there is some use by brothers and sisters in all tiers, but she has noticed it only by some in those top houses.

Most of her friends are in Greek life as well. She has friends in different sororities too. Compared to what I have heard from Greek life at other schools, her sorority seems a lot more chill. For example, she knows a girl whose mom went down to her university (Alabama) on Bid Day to line the streets and cheer the girls on. None of that stuff happened at my DD’s school. That just seems so over the top!

Basically, so far, from my DD’, I think this has been a good experience for her. I can see though, how it can be a ridiculous, expensive, superficial, frustrating and heartbreaking experience for many.

Love how you sprinkle in drug use in top house. Doubt it and if in one then all. Usually there is cattiness toward top house if someone was dropped. Also to the mom who went to bid day well good for her. I think that is a nice thing. Maybe she was in a sorority and had happy memories.

I was just reporting what my daughter told me over break about drug usage. I hope this is not the norm. She implied the higher ranked houses had more members with the means to buy drugs. At first I assumed she meant it was the frats only. She then clarified it was also the sororities.

I guess I am not so gung-ho over the whole sorority stuff. I assume this is THEIR thing. That is why it just seemed odd, to me, for parents to hop on a plane for bid day. I wouldn’t want to be involved, unless the activity actually was for us, as in the parent formal. To each their own.