Why do so many SAHMs insist on PTA or activity meetings during the school day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PTA shouldn’t even exist. In 2024 women shouldn’t be working for $0 for a school. The PTA takes advantage of unpaid female labor.

PTAs shouldn't exist? First of all men can and are a part of the PTA. It stands for the parent teacher association and if you want your kids to go to an awful school send them to the one that has no PTA. Anything extra and fun a school has to offer is because of a PTAs hard work and dedication to their children.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

I disagree. The meetings are when the agenda is set— when they decide we need a $10,000 teacher appreciation week fundraiser but no free after school activities. I’m happy to spend time volunteering to support the kids I'm not interested in volunteering to serve breakfast.

Do you think the PTA has an open vote? Usually they just rubber stamp a decision that has already been made outside the general meeting.

+1

This was my experience (and I was on the board for a few years). The Principal also had very significant input- as she/he would need to approve and figure out logistics for things like “free after school activities”. These things were more or less decided before any general meeting or vote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re usually eating dinner at 7 or driving to and from activities, even as late as 830. This is no more or less convenient than the morning. It’s exactly as it was already explained to you.

I feel sad for mothers whose husbands refuse to parent in the evenings. I don't understand how if DH and I who both work out of the home can make evening meetings and activities happen, a SAHM with a husband who works can't. I mean by 8:30 my children are home from activities and winding down. DH can handle getting them to bed if I have an activity or event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is there to explain? Much easier to meet without distractions of children and evening routines and needing to arrange childcare. By 8:30 I'm tired.

So am I sweetie, but I try to be inclusive to everyone.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

I’ve literally never heard of a daytime PTA meeting. 8:30 would also be inconvenient and annoying. Our school does them at 6:30.

yeah - our school did 630 usually with babysitting or kids playing on playground. I think there would have been IMMEDIATE listserv blow-up if someone tried to schedule a PTA/volunteer meeting during working hours, lol

Who is paying for babysitting at a pta meeting?

Our PTA offers service hours to middle schoolers. Win-win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

One thing I think is hilarious is that our PTO meets at 10:00am on weekdays twice a year and has zero information about what they do on their website (does not share the meeting notes or budget) then has the audacity to complain to anyone who can listen about how parents don't volunteer for anything. I'm all in on the Venmo mom trend, ladies. F* you, you little hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

I disagree. The meetings are when the agenda is set— when they decide we need a $10,000 teacher appreciation week fundraiser but no free after school activities. I’m happy to spend time volunteering to support the kids I'm not interested in volunteering to serve breakfast.

Do you think the PTA has an open vote? Usually they just rubber stamp a decision that has already been made outside the general meeting.

+1

This was my experience (and I was on the board for a few years). The Principal also had very significant input- as she/he would need to approve and figure out logistics for things like “free after school activities”. These things were more or less decided before any general meeting or vote.

I would love to join our board but the one year that I offered, they refused to change the board meeting hours so that I could attend, so I removed my nomination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re usually eating dinner at 7 or driving to and from activities, even as late as 830. This is no more or less convenient than the morning. It’s exactly as it was already explained to you.

I feel sad for mothers whose husbands refuse to parent in the evenings. I don't understand how if DH and I who both work out of the home can make evening meetings and activities happen, a SAHM with a husband who works can't. I mean by 8:30 my children are home from activities and winding down. DH can handle getting them to bed if I have an activity or event.

You do understand that people have more than 1 kid and some have 3, 4 or more and it takes two parents to drive the kids, manage dinner, put kids to bed when kids are at different ages and stages. Nobody wants to jump on a zoom for a boring PTA meeting by 830 after a long day. This isn’t a SAHM issue that you’re trying to make it out to be. On any given night one kid has an activity from 430-730, another from 530-630, and another from 6–8pm. It’s all hands on deck after school until late in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is there to explain? Much easier to meet without distractions of children and evening routines and needing to arrange childcare. By 8:30 I'm tired.

So am I sweetie, but I try to be inclusive to everyone.

How are you being inclusive to the tired and exhausted parents? Sounds pretty exclusive if you ignore their needs.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t PTAs get with the times and do virtual meetings like the rest of the world?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

I’ve literally never heard of a daytime PTA meeting. 8:30 would also be inconvenient and annoying. Our school does them at 6:30.

+1 I would never go to a meeting that started at 8:30 p.m. I'd be annoyed by a meeting that ended at 8:30 p.m. Even if it only lasted an hour, I'd get home after 10 p.m. That's ridiculous. Plus, we go to be early in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re usually eating dinner at 7 or driving to and from activities, even as late as 830. This is no more or less convenient than the morning. It’s exactly as it was already explained to you.

I feel sad for mothers whose husbands refuse to parent in the evenings. I don't understand how if DH and I who both work out of the home can make evening meetings and activities happen, a SAHM with a husband who works can't. I mean by 8:30 my children are home from activities and winding down. DH can handle getting them to bed if I have an activity or event.

Are you seriously advocating that parents leave their homes and go to a meeting at 8:30 at night? I'd be shocked if anyone showed up that late. It has nothing to do with who works out of the home.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever think about working parents who have to punch a clock and can’t attend mtgs right after drop-off?

Didn’t think so. Only certain kinds of WOHPs count on DCUM.

Oh boo hoo. You’re excluding a whole lot of parents by assuming everyone can make it at 6pm, right when you conveniently get off work.

My, my.

You should really be getting more of a return on that crystal ball you use to peer into the lives and minds of random internet posters. Surely, you could monetize that a bit better than just posting to DCUM?

Surely you could figure out a way to attend a PTA meeting not at your preferred time. But you won’t because you don’t really want to attend you just want to annoy the people willing to put in the time. You’re not missing much why do you even care?

Why would it annoy people if someone wanted to participate?

Offhand, if the person excluded was your child’s pediatrician who can’t make the meeting right after dropoff because her office is open for sick visits, would you be more willing to move a meeting to 5 or 6?

I’m sure my child’s pediatrician would have no trouble making that meeting given all the times I’ve been prompt and ready for a first appointment of the day and the Dr strolls in 30 mins late. But, OP doesn’t want to participate she wants to spew venom and women she feels beneath her.

OK swap out “your child’s pediatrician” for a woman in a job you do value and respect which cannot be casually moved for a PTA meeting. If it was someone whose expertise you valued, wouldn’t you make accommodations for them?

You are trying to create a pretend issue that doesn't exist. Finding time to volunteer is hard for everyone, literally everyone. If you value it and want to do it, you find the time and make it work. I've been on various schools' PTAs and other volunteer boards of non-profits for 20 years, and know that there is no time of morning, day, or night that is convenient for everyone. Volunteering always comes with a level of inconvenience, but you do it if it is worth it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t PTAs get with the times and do virtual meetings like the rest of the world?!

Because it mostly about building community, not accomplishing a list of tasks. We do both, of course, but the virtual meetings are pointless -- might as well send an email to accomplish the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re usually eating dinner at 7 or driving to and from activities, even as late as 830. This is no more or less convenient than the morning. It’s exactly as it was already explained to you.

I feel sad for mothers whose husbands refuse to parent in the evenings. I don't understand how if DH and I who both work out of the home can make evening meetings and activities happen, a SAHM with a husband who works can't. I mean by 8:30 my children are home from activities and winding down. DH can handle getting them to bed if I have an activity or event.

You do understand that people have more than 1 kid and some have 3, 4 or more and it takes two parents to drive the kids, manage dinner, put kids to bed when kids are at different ages and stages. Nobody wants to jump on a zoom for a boring PTA meeting by 830 after a long day. This isn’t a SAHM issue that you’re trying to make it out to be. On any given night one kid has an activity from 430-730, another from 530-630, and another from 6–8pm. It’s all hands on deck after school until late in the evening.

Yet somehow my husband manages just fine with three children on the nights that I have work events that don't get me home until after the children have gone to bed. We rely on carpools for the children's activities on those nights. The children my husband isn't engaging with at that time play or read in their rooms - putting a kid to sleep doesn't have to take a lot of time. My kids are pretty independent, even the youngest. It's not as hard as you are trying to make it out to be.