Who Is Most Out Of Bounds Here?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

That guy blew up his own marriage. The wife should be running to get tested for STDS not blaming others.

So not only did she get cheated on but she deserves to be humiliated in front of the whole world for it? You are despicable.

Again, that is DAVES problem. DAVE is the one who cheated and broke his vows. He is despicable. He is the cheater, and he is the one who blew up his family. Stop apologizing and covering for cheaters. You sound like a cheater yourself.

CLASSIC DARVO, PP. Why do you feel the need to insult and attack posters here who have done nothing at all other than have a different opinion than you?

Excuse me? I was called evil, disgusting and a host of other things. Please, don't tell me that I'm "attacking" anyone while suggesting someone who covers up for cheaters may be a cheater themselves.

Yes you were, because you are all of those things. Don't play the victim now. You are being purposefully obtuse and refuse to see how it is NOT covering for a cheater to choose to not publically humiliate his wife and children. There was a to let her know if that was the intent, and this was not the platform for it.

But it's totally fine for Dave to humiliate a young girl with his comment AND his own family by cheating on them?

Seriously, stop covering for the cheater. Stop insulting me and trying to blame me for defending myself. You are insulting me for having a different opinion than you. Take a look in the mirror next time you bring out DARVO.

Oh poor little you...all while saying that Dave's children will build resilience from this and it was ok that they were humiliated.
And nowhere did I say that what DAve did was ok. Nowhere. Two separate issues.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

That guy blew up his own marriage. The wife should be running to get tested for STDS not blaming others.

So not only did she get cheated on but she deserves to be humiliated in front of the whole world for it? You are despicable.

Again, that is DAVES problem. DAVE is the one who cheated and broke his vows. He is despicable. He is the cheater, and he is the one who blew up his family. Stop apologizing and covering for cheaters. You sound like a cheater yourself.

CLASSIC DARVO, PP. Why do you feel the need to insult and attack posters here who have done nothing at all other than have a different opinion than you?

Excuse me? I was called evil, disgusting and a host of other things. Please, don't tell me that I'm "attacking" anyone while suggesting someone who covers up for cheaters may be a cheater themselves.

Yes you were, because you are all of those things. Don't play the victim now. You are being purposefully obtuse and refuse to see how it is NOT covering for a cheater to choose to not publically humiliate his wife and children. There was a to let her know if that was the intent, and this was not the platform for it.

But it's totally fine for Dave to humiliate a young girl with his comment AND his own family by cheating on them?

Seriously, stop covering for the cheater. Stop insulting me and trying to blame me for defending myself. You are insulting me for having a different opinion than you. Take a look in the mirror next time you bring out DARVO.

Oh poor little you...all while saying that Dave's children will build resilience from this and it was ok that they were humiliated.
And nowhere did I say that what DAve did was ok. Nowhere. Two separate issues.

That was a dp. You are arguing with multiple posters. I may be as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

That guy blew up his own marriage. The wife should be running to get tested for STDS not blaming others.

So not only did she get cheated on but she deserves to be humiliated in front of the whole world for it? You are despicable.

Again, that is DAVES problem. DAVE is the one who cheated and broke his vows. He is despicable. He is the cheater, and he is the one who blew up his family. Stop apologizing and covering for cheaters. You sound like a cheater yourself.

CLASSIC DARVO, PP. Why do you feel the need to insult and attack posters here who have done nothing at all other than have a different opinion than you?

Excuse me? I was called evil, disgusting and a host of other things. Please, don't tell me that I'm "attacking" anyone while suggesting someone who covers up for cheaters may be a cheater themselves.

Yes you were, because you are all of those things. Don't play the victim now. You are being purposefully obtuse and refuse to see how it is NOT covering for a cheater to choose to not publically humiliate his wife and children. There was a to let her know if that was the intent, and this was not the platform for it.

But it's totally fine for Dave to humiliate a young girl with his comment AND his own family by cheating on them?

Seriously, stop covering for the cheater. Stop insulting me and trying to blame me for defending myself. You are insulting me for having a different opinion than you. Take a look in the mirror next time you bring out DARVO.

Oh poor little you...all while saying that Dave's children will build resilience from this and it was ok that they were humiliated.
And nowhere did I say that what DAve did was ok. Nowhere. Two separate issues.

That was a dp. You are arguing with multiple posters. I may be as well.

You are truly exhausting. Not wishing harm to Dave's wife and children does not make me an assh0le. You being ok with the fallout on them, does!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dave is a horrible person, no doubt about it.

BUT I also despise friends who are ok with covering for their friends when things are good (DH knew about the affair and was ok with not saying a word) but when things go south then all of a sudden they grow a conscience and publically air dirty laundry.

I had an ex who would always bring up stuff I confided in him about when we were fighting. He acted so understanding when we were sharing and being intimate but always used it against me later during an argument.

When you do shitty things the reveal of those shitty things is out of your hands.

How about this. Stop doing shitty things.

When you have morals in the first place, you tell your friend Dave to come clean to his wife at the initial revelation of the information. You don't sit complicit for years until it suits you to go ballistic very publically. There are no heroes in this story. They are both shit people.

Nobody has the responsibility to police all their friends.

If you say a shitty thing privately you might get a shitty response privately, you do it publicly the response is public live with the consequences of YOUR actions.

You make no sense at all. Presumably, DH found out that Dave had an affair privately since they are friends. At that point, he should have told Dave that his behavior is despicable and advised him to deal with his marriage issues. I would perhaps distance myself if I found out my friend was behaving so horribly. But if you choose to be Dave's friend when learning about this information you are silently approving of it and you don't get the moral high ground later when you are wronged by Dave in a completely different situation. So either you completely stay out of it or speak up when initially learning about it.

Cute. You believe in original sin. Must be nice having infallible friends and family.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Who covered up what when isn't the trump card some seen to think it is. "Outing" likely hurt the cheater's family and caused public humiliation for them. That wasn't a precision strike, OP and Daddy Bear. The innocent family were your collateral damage.
You will now have that reputation among anyone who saw your "righteous anger" post and anyone they told.

You blew up the family 's private life.

No.

The cheater blew up his families life. The cheater hurt his family and caused humiliation. If one person knew about his romp it's likely that other people knew. That is absolutely humiliating for his wife and children. Why do you chose to shoot the messenger instead of the f##ked up cheater himself?

Dave chose to cheat, Dave blew up his own family.

Dave's wife and children deserve to deal with Dave's shitty behavior in private and not online as dictated by OP's DH. That's the part you don't get. No one is saying Dave is the good guy. But there are people here who presumably did nothing wrong having to deal with DAve's f-up's in the most public way. There are no good guys in this story.

At least his wife and family KNOW now, and can START to deal with it.

How do you know the wife didn't already know and chose to keep things private and work it out with her husband? WHo is OP's husband to decide the terms on how they deal with it?

How is he deciding how they deal with it? They can deal with it however they want. If the wife knows, why is she calling OP 300x? Do you not have any empathy for someone who's been cheated on and lied to? Why so many cheater apologists on here?

By making them/her deal with it in such a public way. She didn't deserve to be cheated on, she didn't deserve to be humiliated in front of all of their friends. Their children especially don't deserve any of it. Who the F is making apologies for a cheater? You are very small minded and borderline evil.

If you cheat, you can expect your wife and children find out and for them to know that everybody in their orbit knows whether they find out on Facebook or they find out on the sidelines of a soccer game or they find out through an anonymous email. the reality is everybody knows. And the wife is humiliated by the cheater

Yeah and his children now deserve to be asked about it at school and at church or wherever else they go. You are despicable.

You really have an issue with this. Did it happen to you? You know, maybe Dave shouldn’t be on social media. Maybe he shouldn’t have cheated. Maybe the kids learn resilience and the fact that they are not their Father’s mistakes at a young age.

How is this argument any different than an affair apologist deflecting from their own behavior? The slander had no relation to the comment or daughter and didn't need to be said. Full stop.

You shouldn't use words you don't understand the meaning of.

Fine. The exposure, insult whatever. It wasn't related to your daughter. But really I bet your DH doesn't have any proof of this and it really could be legally called defamation or slander.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.

True but not saying it is not right and saying it wrong.

DH was neither right nor wrong he just said a true statement aloud.

But trying to fat shame a child is categorically wrong

But ... saying somebody is fat is neither right nor wrong either. Rude, yes. Wrong, no.

Yes it is wrong and the fact you don’t know that says a lot about why you are defending a cheater.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Who covered up what when isn't the trump card some seen to think it is. "Outing" likely hurt the cheater's family and caused public humiliation for them. That wasn't a precision strike, OP and Daddy Bear. The innocent family were your collateral damage.
You will now have that reputation among anyone who saw your "righteous anger" post and anyone they told.

You blew up the family 's private life.

No.

The cheater blew up his families life. The cheater hurt his family and caused humiliation. If one person knew about his romp it's likely that other people knew. That is absolutely humiliating for his wife and children. Why do you chose to shoot the messenger instead of the f##ked up cheater himself?

Dave chose to cheat, Dave blew up his own family.

Dave's wife and children deserve to deal with Dave's shitty behavior in private and not online as dictated by OP's DH. That's the part you don't get. No one is saying Dave is the good guy. But there are people here who presumably did nothing wrong having to deal with DAve's f-up's in the most public way. There are no good guys in this story.

At least his wife and family KNOW now, and can START to deal with it.

She might have already known and been dealing with it in her own way. But now she has to deal with it publically. That's so not cool. I've definitely not siding with the OP's DH on this one -

This is where I land. If OPs husband was so outraged about the insinuation that his daughter is fat and loves food, why would he deliberately hurt Dave's wife and family? Where are his moral and values now? Go after Dave, but dragging everyone down to just sows the he is also a shit person and it's clear why these two have been friends forever. Birds of a feather.

Dave hurt his family not DH.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

I disagree. Insulting someone’s child publicly on what is supposed to be a celebratory post is pretty nuclear. You have to be crazy to do that and know it’s going to really upset the parents. Why would you antagonize someone who has knowledge of your affair? And having an affair is crappy in the first place, so I think Dave is a worse person overall.

This could have been settled with a "not cool, Dave" then deleting it.

No that would have been the response of a lemming

[Anonymous]

I can't get over the fact that OP's DH guaranteed that people will be talking about the situation, and thus the nasty comment about his daughter's weight for years.

His first responsibility is to his own kid, and he failed her utterly.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who covered up what when isn't the trump card some seen to think it is. "Outing" likely hurt the cheater's family and caused public humiliation for them. That wasn't a precision strike, OP and Daddy Bear. The innocent family were your collateral damage.
You will now have that reputation among anyone who saw your "righteous anger" post and anyone they told.

You blew up the family 's private life.

No.

The cheater blew up his families life. The cheater hurt his family and caused humiliation. If one person knew about his romp it's likely that other people knew. That is absolutely humiliating for his wife and children. Why do you chose to shoot the messenger instead of the f##ked up cheater himself?

Dave chose to cheat, Dave blew up his own family.

Dave's wife and children deserve to deal with Dave's shitty behavior in private and not online as dictated by OP's DH. That's the part you don't get. No one is saying Dave is the good guy. But there are people here who presumably did nothing wrong having to deal with DAve's f-up's in the most public way. There are no good guys in this story.

At least his wife and family KNOW now, and can START to deal with it.

How do you know the wife didn't already know and chose to keep things private and work it out with her husband? WHo is OP's husband to decide the terms on how they deal with it?

How is he deciding how they deal with it? They can deal with it however they want. If the wife knows, why is she calling OP 300x? Do you not have any empathy for someone who's been cheated on and lied to? Why so many cheater apologists on here?

By making them/her deal with it in such a public way. She didn't deserve to be cheated on, she didn't deserve to be humiliated in front of all of their friends. Their children especially don't deserve any of it. Who the F is making apologies for a cheater? You are very small minded and borderline evil.

If you cheat, you can expect your wife and children find out and for them to know that everybody in their orbit knows whether they find out on Facebook or they find out on the sidelines of a soccer game or they find out through an anonymous email. the reality is everybody knows. And the wife is humiliated by the cheater

Yeah and his children now deserve to be asked about it at school and at church or wherever else they go. You are despicable.

You really have an issue with this. Did it happen to you? You know, maybe Dave shouldn’t be on social media. Maybe he shouldn’t have cheated. Maybe the kids learn resilience and the fact that they are not their Father’s mistakes at a young age.

You are disgusting.

You’re a cheater apologist. Do you want to protect all cheaters because you’re either an affair partner or you’re a cheater?

You’re the one hurting your family not the one who narcs on you

OH the narc poster!!! Now it all makes sense. You went apeshit in another thread today that had to be locked because of you. Please go seek mental help. You are having a mental breakdown. You are not well.

That person use the word narc to me narcissist this poster is using the word narc as somebody who tells on other people. Different poster

But I agree you’re probably a cheater

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.

Both said the truth. The DD probably will enjoy the food. But that should never be said out loud, even if true.

Actually, one is an opinion and the other is truth.

We don’t know if the daughter will enjoy the food or not that’s his opinion.

We do know it’s a fact that Dave cheated.

I really am surprised how few people know the difference between a fact and an opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Dh didn’t care to tell the truth until Dave hinted at his daughter being overweight. So cheating on your wife is fine until he feels insulted. Something is seriously wrong with that man, sorry.

He cared but he did say anything. Dave changed the rules when he said the inside thought publicly and DH thought oh okay we are just laying everything on the table. Let’s go.

Agreed. You don't insult peoples children. Especially a "friends" child.

No one is saying Dave isn't an arse. Of course what he did was wrong. But it doesn't justify OP's husband's behavior. You people act like someone doing something wrong opens the doors for any kind of response and that's not how it works. Or maybe it does in your worlds, which is unfortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Dh didn’t care to tell the truth until Dave hinted at his daughter being overweight. So cheating on your wife is fine until he feels insulted. Something is seriously wrong with that man, sorry.

He cared but he did say anything. Dave changed the rules when he said the inside thought publicly and DH thought oh okay we are just laying everything on the table. Let’s go.

Agreed. You don't insult peoples children. Especially a "friends" child.

No one is saying Dave isn't an arse. Of course what he did was wrong. But it doesn't justify OP's husband's behavior. You people act like someone doing something wrong opens the doors for any kind of response and that's not how it works. Or maybe it does in your worlds, which is unfortunate.

"You people"? You mean people who aren't sad a cheater got outed and think the full blame lies with him and his own actions?

What does that make you? Someone who would rather shoot the messenger than lay the blame on the actual person who wronged his family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.

True but not saying it is not right and saying it wrong.

DH was neither right nor wrong he just said a true statement aloud.

But trying to fat shame a child is categorically wrong

But ... saying somebody is fat is neither right nor wrong either. Rude, yes. Wrong, no.

Yes it is wrong and the fact you don’t know that says a lot about why you are defending a cheater.

He said she would like the food. That's it. The DH had a completely outsized response. I'm sure OP has seen plenty of his vicious temper before.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is fat if your DH reacted this way to that comment. When I read the comment I thought that he meant that the food in that area is good. But I am not self conscious about my weight.