AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

?? Is this one of those things where we applaud dads for being normal parents?

No I think it’s a flying specific thing — some people always do these kinds of things as a family so they’re baffled that other people don’t. I started a thread a while back about flying solo with my 1yo and 3yo (wondering about logistics of strollers and car seats and such) and got a ton of responses claiming I was crazy and/or should cancel and/or should not bring my kids (to a wedding where they were in the wedding party) and/or never spent time with my kids and didn’t understand what I was in for. It went fine but wow those are some crazy responses from DCUM.

Your kids are easy and you have no idea. Thank your lucky stars!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be ok with having a stranger come into my home to watch my BIL's young kids but YMMV.

The recommendation was that OP stay home and a sitter comes to the home to help OP manage four kids (her two and BIL's two). OP would be there. The sitter's job would be to watch and entertain the kids while OP handled other duties like diapers, getting meals, cleaning up, etc. But then she would have someone to handle the four kids while she could handle the household chores.

I understood that but still would not want someone who was both a stranger to me and BIL's family (a sitter hired for the occasion from care.com or similar) in my home even if I am there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

I don’t know a single family that found a good sitter thru care.com. This bs that sitters are easy to find is such a lie. Where the heck do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t understand why ILs are piling only on OP. If it’s that important the SIL can cancel her marathon and watch her own kids.

Exactly. How dare they assume op is obligated to fix their problem.

[Anonymous]

What Marathon is on a Friday? Normally they are held on Sunday, early morning start so traffic is less disrupted.
This detail is fake. Maybe the whole post fake too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What Marathon is on a Friday? Normally they are held on Sunday, early morning start so traffic is less disrupted.
This detail is fake. Maybe the whole post fake too.

There are actually many that are run on Saturday with an early start. Since the wedding is a flight away, it is unlikely that she could go to a 3:00 PM Friday wedding, then a reception and still make a flight to get back for a 7:00 AM start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What Marathon is on a Friday? Normally they are held on Sunday, early morning start so traffic is less disrupted.
This detail is fake. Maybe the whole post fake too.

There are actually many that are run on Saturday with an early start. Since the wedding is a flight away, it is unlikely that she could go to a 3:00 PM Friday wedding, then a reception and still make a flight to get back for a 7:00 AM start.

Sorry, doing a marathon when there is a family event going on is selfish, selfish, selfish. She and her spouse need to take care of their own kids.

Sheesh. My spouse and I never expected other people to take care of our kids for us. We didn’t get to go to a lot of weddings and other events because we had our kids to take care of but we never complained about it because we knew that went along with having kids. I don’t understand people who have a problem with being responsible for their own children.

[Anonymous]

I also want to know if the 2 posters are going to the same wedding!

For ppl who keep suggesting BIL pay for a sitter at OPs house- it won’t work. Op is in location A; 3-4 hr drive to wedding in location B, which BIL is flying to from location C.

Also I’ve tried in the past to get regular sitters from care.com and I can’t tell you how many of them just ghost. No way would I schlep to the middle of nowhere with baby and toddler burning pto for a Friday wedding, pay for an air bnb and plan on a stranger in same middle of nowhere place actually showing up for (much less actually caring properly for) 4 kids under 5. No way would I schlep out there with my little kids pay for air bnb and watch 4 little kids myself so BIL gets childcare. SIL is not attending or available to watch her own kids; this is a BIL problem not an OP problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

JFC this is NOT what care.com does….

It IS what seekingsitters.com does, though.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I might have offered to watch all four kids so that my husband could hang out with his brother, but there is something really off-putting about being asked. I would be really hurt that my in-laws essentially uninvited me from the wedding.
It would be hard for me to put much effort into the whole thing after this.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I was going to say just send DH, but not if you are expected to take all four. Jeez.

No means no, sorry MIL.

Let DH be the one to speak to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

This list is some crap but together by some crackpot who literally said “disclaimer: I am personally betting against care.com stock.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would to take all 4 kids- but...it's clear you don't want to go to this wedding and the childcare is an excuse. You could find someone and even take someone with you- get references from your regular sitters, other family, etc. I think you should own that you just don't want to bother.

Even IF that were true it's fine for OP to decide this situation is not for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What Marathon is on a Friday? Normally they are held on Sunday, early morning start so traffic is less disrupted.
This detail is fake. Maybe the whole post fake too.

There are actually many that are run on Saturday with an early start. Since the wedding is a flight away, it is unlikely that she could go to a 3:00 PM Friday wedding, then a reception and still make a flight to get back for a 7:00 AM start.

Sorry, doing a marathon when there is a family event going on is selfish, selfish, selfish. She and her spouse need to take care of their own kids.

Sheesh. My spouse and I never expected other people to take care of our kids for us. We didn’t get to go to a lot of weddings and other events because we had our kids to take care of but we never complained about it because we knew that went along with having kids. I don’t understand people who have a problem with being responsible for their own children.

Ridiculous. Planning for/training for a marathon isn’t something you do on a whim. It takes a very long time and I guarantee she signed up for the marathon long before getting the wedding invitation. There’s nothing selfish about her following through on her commitment to herself!

[Anonymous]

The only AHs here are MIL and BIL.

BIL just asked so, the worst anyone can say is no, I guess. He should not push.

MIL is the real jerk if she's getting mad at OP.