My niece just screwed herself

[Anonymous]

NP. I would pay a lot more than $1k to get an unhinged relative like OP out of my life permanently!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When was the wedding? Etiquette says you have three months to send thank you notes.

No it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just talk to her, OP? Are you not very close that you can't say, Sally, I never heard from you about our gift and am wondering if you sent a note I didn't get? I feel hurt if you didn't acknowledge it.

Are people really hurt over something like this?

If you give someone $1000 and they don’t even say thank you??! Yea she’s justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

I find it more sad the number of people that lack politeness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

All the young women feeling angry for being poor, ugly, out of shape, low energy, aging, having thinning hair, having cellulite, not being Taylor Swift, for not having free childcare from grandparents, not getting an inheritance, a piddly wedding ring, no wedding ring, single/married/divorced, being infertile, being too fertile, having a loser DH, having no baby daddy, having several baby daddies, not having a clean and organized home, living in a postage sized home, not being able to cook, unable to entertain, having student debt, being underpaid, having a terrible work environment, doing poorly at work, having no friends, having disappointing children, their male sibling doing better than them etc, etc, etc.

and they take it out on..... Aunties, Moms, SILs and MILs on DCUM. People who had no hand in their plight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

All the young women feeling angry for being poor, ugly, out of shape, low energy, aging, having thinning hair, having cellulite, not being Taylor Swift, for not having free childcare from grandparents, not getting an inheritance, a piddly wedding ring, no wedding ring, single/married/divorced, being infertile, being too fertile, having a loser DH, having no baby daddy, having several baby daddies, not having a clean and organized home, living in a postage sized home, not being able to cook, unable to entertain, having student debt, being underpaid, having a terrible work environment, doing poorly at work, having no friends, having disappointing children, their male sibling doing better than them etc, etc, etc.

and they take it out on..... Aunties, Moms, SILs and MILs on DCUM. People who had no hand in their plight!

Ah, the irony.

You all set the world on fire, both literally and figuratively, and then gathered up all the balls to hoard them for yourselves. People of the younger generations are living shorter lives and have less prosperity than before, which is a new turn of events. And you raised them. You raised them to be the people they are, and then you gave them a world on fire -- while you sit there, sniggering about themess you made.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.

All the young women feeling angry for being poor, ugly, out of shape, low energy, aging, having thinning hair, having cellulite, not being Taylor Swift, for not having free childcare from grandparents, not getting an inheritance, a piddly wedding ring, no wedding ring, single/married/divorced, being infertile, being too fertile, having a loser DH, having no baby daddy, having several baby daddies, not having a clean and organized home, living in a postage sized home, not being able to cook, unable to entertain, having student debt, being underpaid, having a terrible work environment, doing poorly at work, having no friends, having disappointing children, their male sibling doing better than them etc, etc, etc.

and they take it out on..... Aunties, Moms, SILs and MILs on DCUM. People who had no hand in their plight!

Ah, the irony.

You all set the world on fire, both literally and figuratively, and then gathered up all the balls to hoard them for yourselves. People of the younger generations are living shorter lives and have less prosperity than before, which is a new turn of events. And you raised them. You raised them to be the people they are, and then you gave them a world on fire -- while you sit there, sniggering about themess you made.

Wow.

People of the younger generations are living shorter lives? Where is the data on that imaginary theory! Amazing that when you and your peers are called out on all the whining you do on DCUM while acting like it's older people's fault you can still find a way to blame your elders and take no responsibility for yourself. I will agree that at least your parents seem to have definitely done a pretty poor job of raising you.

[Anonymous]

A physical TY note aside, what has your relationship been like in the ensuing year? If she’s sweet and attentive then it could possibly be a lost in the mail situation. However if she barely gives you the time of day, then accept that the wedding was a gift grab and she’s not inherently grateful.

Don’t base your attitude on one thing (which PPs explain could be an error) but rather on her overall relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Niece and/or her spouse absolutely should have written a thank you note, or at the very least, called to thank OP.

2) Literally not one person has said that it’s OK not to acknowledge a gift. Stop trying to make that part of your “argument,” because you are making that up and inserting that so you have something to make your argument stronger. Because:

3) What most of us are actually saying, is that when someone fails to properly acknowledge a gift—even though that is hurtful—the mature, polite, and kind thing to do is…move past it. The snub, though hurtful, does not warrant an unhinged post about anyone “screwing themselves” on the Internet, and it certainly doesn’t warrant OP cutting ties with her niece. That’s the point. Argue with that. Make the case that a faux pas on the part of the niece merits being cut off and gossiped about by the aunt. Make THAT case.

How very interesting that not one of you OP defenders has found a way to argue the actual case at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend did all of her thank you notes right after the honeymoon. Addressed. Stamped.
Done


12 years later she found them in the bottom drawer of an old dresser.

This happened to me. Not all of them, but a substantial number. I did a big batch of them BEFORE the honeymoon, thought I mailed them but didn't, and didn't find them until like 9 months later when we were moving. I dropped them in the mail that day and felt super guilty, but hoped people would understand.

If they didn't, oh well, they must not have cared about me very much if something like that would make them angry enough to write me off forever as OP is doing.

[Anonymous]

Nothing deserves petty gossip. Women need to stop doing this to each other. The polite thing for OP to do is recognize not everyone had good manners and move on. IF she wants a relationship with her niece, she should call amd ask her if she's opened the gift. When she learns she has tell her she was hurt for not acknowledging the gift when she opened it. That's what I would do. Family helps each other, financially AND to learn manners in an adult world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When was the wedding? Etiquette says you have three months to send thank you notes.

Etiquette says a year I thought.

Etiquette says a year to send a gift. The recipient has two weeks to write a thank you note.

But that's only if you care about etiquette

Who makes up these rules? We went on our honeymoon and then immediately moved across the country when we got back. I have no idea when or how they got done. I have vague memories of sitting in my parents dining room right before the move with them complaining about who gave what so maybe we wrote them then. Get over it, auntie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have a good excuse for the niece and husband not acknowledging a gift of $1000? Do you people really think it’s no longer necessary to write thank you notes or at least say thank you in person for such generosity?

Someone else could have deposited the check. You don't have to endorse a check if you are putting it into the payees account; the bank will take it. Two days after my wedding I was on my honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long has it been? They have up to a year. I know people will be horrified if someone takes that long, but sometimes life is complicated and hard and you don't know what people go through to get those thank you notes out.

And honestly, if it never comes, let it go. It's a dumb reason to write someone off forever. I might have been lost in the mail!

Ridiculous. I write thank you notes as soon as I received gifts. There is no excuse (other than death ior catastrophic medical emergency) for not writing a thank you note for any gifts. It takes five minutes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing deserves petty gossip. Women need to stop doing this to each other. The polite thing for OP to do is recognize not everyone had good manners and move on. IF she wants a relationship with her niece, she should call amd ask her if she's opened the gift. When she learns she has tell her she was hurt for not acknowledging the gift when she opened it. That's what I would do. Family helps each other, financially AND to learn manners in an adult world.

This is a good perspective.