Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?
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Anonymous
Wow you sure do want people to know that many men, too, prefer to judge women rather than help working moms thrive. Just a tip: we already know that a lot of men don't care about us. You don't have to drive home the point. I do hope calling others parasites has given you the self-esteem boost your ego needs so you can sleep soundly tonight. |
>> Why are women and MEN so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.
Anonymous
EGADS!!! Let's also lay to rest the "equality in marriage" Kool Aid that working women drink. I personally don't know any working couple in our acquaintance in DMV where both parties are earning equal amounts. Most of my WOHM friends (with few exceptions) are earning a fraction of what their husbands are earning. If they get divorced they will not be able to maintain the same lifestyle. Most of them are also taking on the full mental load of dealing with their kids schooling, ECs, health, nutrition, mental health, home, summer camps, socializing, holidays etc, etc. Yes, a lot of them have husbands who cook and will occasionally carpool but the house is being run by these moms and the kids are being raised by these moms. Mostly, the main thing the dads are providing is money. When the DH does not make enough money, the WOHMs fill pages about their loser, low earner DHs on DCUM. I have seen divorces among WOHM friends. Most of them had husbands who were travelling a lot and had affairs with their co-workers. As for the one high powered, high income working mom that I knew, she was unable to divorce her low earning scumbag husband because she would have had to give him alimony. SO, for married moms, earning a paycheck as a way to safeguard against divorce or financial insecurity is not the magic bullet. The only way you can protect yourself is not marry a scumbag and not have kids with a scumbag. Good luck!! SAHMs who divorce can get better alimony and child support. Yes, divorce will make them poor, but that is because women usually have less money even when they are working. WOHMs who divorce also see a sharp decline in their HHI. Death of spouse, disability of spouse? I would suggest that everyone needs to be very well insured and also have disability and long term care insurance, once they have children. Reproductive cost for women is tremendously high. Which means that women should be careful who they marry and who they have kids with. Isn't it interesting that even on this forum it is only the WOHMs who are posing the question "What do SAHMs do all day?", "How do you manage housework and working?", "Why are PTA moms creating more work for us?", "How to simplify holidays?"...blah, blah, blah. None of the husbands of WOHMs are posing these questions on this forum so what is the "Equality in Marriage" BS these women are talking about? Their husbands are not worried about or tackling the issues that these women are. Most the men are saying that they are not getting enough sex. That is all. They are not asking one question about simplifying housework, schooling of their children, dealing with ILs, juggling care of their SN kids or anything else. DHs of SAHMs are obviously not carrying the mental load of all of this because that is what the wives do. I also find it interesting that WOHMs criticize SAHMs with school going or grown up kids as being "lazy" if they outsource chores. The weird flex when they can afford "cleaning lady" because they make "their own money" and martyr/superwoman complex of "I do my work and everything else that SAHMs does" if they can't afford outsourcing is frankly very disturbing and strange. I am a SAHM who employs a human cleaning lady (not AI robot) who also happens to be a WOHM. However, no WOHM posting here mentions any kinship with these kinds of poor WOHMs who are cleaning their toilets, wiping their kids butts, and giving baths to their elderly parents. Why all this frothing and foaming at mouth when a SAHM employs a poor WOHM to clean her house just like a WOHM does? If the DH of the SAHM does not care about her spending money on a cleaning lady, why do WOHMs do? And if a SAHM wants to provide childcare to her own children, which WOHMs pay other WOHMs to do, why would that be a problem? WOHMs should be grateful and try and reflect on their own priviledge. Compare your life with your childcare provider and your cleaners, because you all work outside of the house to make money. Compare your lives with other WOHMs. It makes zero sense to compare your lives with SAHMs because they are not living your life. |
Anonymous
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Nope, not one bit. I have mom friends who work and mom friends who don’t. I joke around and say stuff like, "She’s living the dream" about my friends who do not work outside the house, but I don’t feel jealous nor do I judge. I think being a parent is difficult as all get out. We all share our struggles so none of us has any delusions that any of us has it “easy."
Not to sound harsh, but you probably globbed onto the notion of competition in every aspect of your life early on and always worked hard to beat others to prove your worth— become top of your class, etc. Ultimately, to be loved. So when others actually choose to not enter the [rat] race against you, it forces you to question why and, more importantly to begin to examine yourself and your choices. Introspection is beautiful but it can also be painful. Maybe you don’t feel good about what you see and you’re projecting that onto these mothers who have the audacity to not value what you [think] you value. That’s just one theory, I could be way off. |
Anonymous
WOW! Low earning men or men from LMC/MC dysfunctional families are the only ones who call SAHMs parasites. :puke: |
Anonymous
In my experience, most of my high earning friends whose wives are still at home full time after the kids are at school full time, carry some level of resentment. It’s a dirty secret they don’t tell their wives bc no one wants to be the one who ‘forces the woman back to work’ - but it’s a burden that men have carried for - well - ever, and I think many have feelings about it their wives don’t fully realize. It’s just logical though - if you sah and your dh works full time - beyond early childhood - of course he feels resentful! Why would he not. |
Anonymous
LOL. Sure, Jan. |
Anonymous
You sound confused and angry. My commentary isn't gender-specific nor did I targeted only parents. I'm sorry if that's the message you're somehow reading.
Again, I didn't specify SAHMs, though I do know multiple parents of both sexes who meet the criteria I've described. As far as how you'd possibly discern my income, socioeconomic status, and health of my family relationships... if it makes you feel better, sure. |
Anonymous
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I'm not even going to read 10 pages of hateful shit.
1. It isn't YOUR business to judge anything anyone does with their life. 2. Some women are brainwashed into believing unless you work outside of the home you are worthless. 3. Not every woman is capable of burning the wife, mother, self candle. This whole site proves this everyday. Women are harder on each other than they are on the men in their lives. What I call the claw mark clan. It do leave marks. Not everything material means success. Lots of wealthy people commit suicide or kill the whole family. Some are drunks. Some are drug addicts. Some cheat. Some steal. The word happiness never applies to them. They are never happy. Look at those nasty housewife shows. And pushing your kids, medicating them, forcing anything YOU think will give them a good life is wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. If more women did their primary jobs and were compensated for that our world would be much better. I'm sorry some of you are bored. I was never bored. Mothering and wifery is hard. Maybe you just failed at that. Wait until you all find out those pussy hat wearing women are MEN. Yes they are. And they used you to get you to think I am woman hear me roar. Lord Help Us. |
Anonymous
I have no idea what is triggering you. There could be many reasons. One of my friends (lets call her Larla) is an extremely beautiful woman who is married to a very high earner. Another friend commented that Larla is so beautiful that it made sense that she found a high earning man and now has a pampered SAH life. The corollary to this theory is that the not so attractive women needs to earn her own living because she is too plain to be taken care of? Maybe biology plays a role here? Maybe you feel that SAHMs are getting the prize that you are not getting? Another thing is that while you were not happy being at home when kids were little (which is a hard age to be with them without support), you compare yourself with those who seem to be enjoying their children and staying at home. Maybe you feel guilty about that because you have unrealistic expectation of what it meant to be a SAHM with small kids. You have no idea if some SAHMs who enjoy baby years do it because they have a different attitude, more help, a whole lot more support system, lots of friends, an involved and present DH, family nearby, or a more curated social media presence etc. So maybe there is some unresolved trauma and guilt there for you. Do you feel you are not a better parent because being with kids was not enough? Maybe growing up you felt that if you study hard, go to college, get a good job, then life will become easy. But, real life is not a bed of roses and you feel you are on a spinning wheel? Do you think that success did not make you as happy as you thought it would? You are jealous and triggered because of someone you know who is having a better life than you. You are comparing your life to someone you know. You are certainly not comparing your life with a celebrity. It is someone close to you and whose life you can look at and know that she is winning in a big way. There are three pieces of advice I will give you - 1) Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing 2) Get off social media 3) Fix what can be fixed in your own life, relationship, home, kids, career, health. Small steps. This is a new year so don't miss the opportunity to fix yourself. |
Anonymous
One reason to not feel resentful is to think about the fact that this woman sacrificed her body and her career to create and then raise the people you probably love more than anything else in the world. I know lots of men in this situation who, rather than feel resentment, honestly feel their wives have earned a break after what usually amounts to 8-10 years pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and full time mothering to very small children who need everything, all the time. And if that break comes in the form of continuing to SAHM (i.e. continuing to cook and clean and be the primary parent for school age kids), or working part time or working an easy full time job, so be it. The men I know would be the first to tell you that they are not sure they would have been capable of doing what their wives did for their kids when they were young and that they do not bear resentment at all. But the men I know really love their wives and kids and value family life, and therefore also really value the sacrifices their wives have made to create the happy, healthy family life they have. Their wives also really value the sacrifices their husbands made. In a functional family, everyone's contribution is appreciated. But you need two mature adults who can see the whole picture and share values. This doesn't work in relationships where people are selfish and myopic, or don't really care about the family that much, or are deeply unrealistic about how children are cared for. But those marriages are screwed even if both parents work, sorry to say. |
Anonymous
Nope. Low class men. So called "high earning friends" are only high earning compared to you. 
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Anonymous
No, you're judging by pitying them. |
Anonymous
You say it isn’t anyones business to judge anyone else but it sure sounds like that’s exactly what you are doing |
Anonymous
One of these is an equity partner at a big 4 (so that is big money), one is in m&a, one is fed. I am about between all in salary. It happens. You just don’t want to think it happens |
Anonymous
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Social media is bad for your mental health, OP!
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