Falling out with someone - would you still congratulate

[Anonymous]

Yes if face to face, or if I wanted to repair the relationship I would reach out. If I thought the person wanted me to apologize, but I hadn't done anything wrong/ the were making to big of a deal / they were also at fault I would likely just let it lie and not reach out.

[Anonymous]

I do. Still friends with the person on facebook and I do congratulate her for things.

I wouldn't do something that made you feel bad in any way, OP, but in my opinion, you can't go wrong by spreading some positivity in the world. A lot of times those falling outs happen because someone is miserable....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

Uh, there's a whole lot of NOPE in your post, OP. You "deserve the congrats" ugh no what a pompous attitude.

And how on earth does your ex friend know about your big success- you said you haven't spoken for a year and a half?? Lemme guess she just drifted away from you, and you have just absolutely no idea why!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

Uh, there's a whole lot of NOPE in your post, OP. You "deserve the congrats" ugh no what a pompous attitude.

And how on earth does your ex friend know about your big success- you said you haven't spoken for a year and a half?? Lemme guess she just drifted away from you, and you have just absolutely no idea why!

I’m sorry you’re right nobody deserves a congrats. The scenario was I had a baby after multiple miscarriages and infertility. Said ex friend knew about the scenario and we share many mutual friends all of whom know about the baby. The fallout occurred because I did multiple big favors for this friend who I also spoke to on a daily basis and she was essentially mean or unkind on multiple occasions. We essentially stopped speaking when I tried communicating this and she turned it around on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex best friend got married or had a baby, would you still congratulate that person or not?

The falling out wasn’t over something major (stealing boyfriend or ruining someone’s career)

If you're still in contact, congratulations are a simple courtesy. If you aren't speaking, don't bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

Not knowing all of the details of your falling out... sometimes breaking ties with someone is for the best.

If that's the case from your ex-friend's perspective they wouldn't break no-contact to congratulate you. It doesn't mean they wish you any ill will, just that it's best for them to maintain NC and keep moving on.

[Anonymous]

Don’t injure yourself for the sake of it. Trying to predetermined someone else’s motives or action/non action is an action…is futile. Your friendship ended. Finalize that grief instead of creating internal drama that harms you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

Uh, there's a whole lot of NOPE in your post, OP. You "deserve the congrats" ugh no what a pompous attitude.

And how on earth does your ex friend know about your big success- you said you haven't spoken for a year and a half?? Lemme guess she just drifted away from you, and you have just absolutely no idea why!

I’m sorry you’re right nobody deserves a congrats. The scenario was I had a baby after multiple miscarriages and infertility. Said ex friend knew about the scenario and we share many mutual friends all of whom know about the baby. The fallout occurred because I did multiple big favors for this friend who I also spoke to on a daily basis and she was essentially mean or unkind on multiple occasions. We essentially stopped speaking when I tried communicating this and she turned it around on me.

Ah OK. So...she's not a nice person. She's a user and selfish. You can't expect nice behavior from not nice people. Yes it sucks that She's crappy but thats how things go sometimes.

But CONGRATS on your baby!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

Uh, there's a whole lot of NOPE in your post, OP. You "deserve the congrats" ugh no what a pompous attitude.

And how on earth does your ex friend know about your big success- you said you haven't spoken for a year and a half?? Lemme guess she just drifted away from you, and you have just absolutely no idea why!

I’m sorry you’re right nobody deserves a congrats. The scenario was I had a baby after multiple miscarriages and infertility. Said ex friend knew about the scenario and we share many mutual friends all of whom know about the baby. The fallout occurred because I did multiple big favors for this friend who I also spoke to on a daily basis and she was essentially mean or unkind on multiple occasions. We essentially stopped speaking when I tried communicating this and she turned it around on me.

How did it get turned around on you? That sounds like an important detail. She must see things differently.

[Anonymous]

Don’t waste another thought on that individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-Make the case to not congratulate this person. Explain why you wouldn’t.

I’m the one who deserves the congrats lol.

I raised this to a mutual friend saying that I was hurt this ex friend didn’t even congratulate me, she said it was normal because we haven’t spoken. Have not spoken for a year and a half. Had been friends with ex friend for 20 years.

I’ve been you, OP. Let it go. You had a falling out over something minor and haven’t spoken in 18 months. Over something minor.

Remove expectation. It was a falling out. Let it go. Who cares if she is wrong. Move on, that is her burden.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on your baby by the way

[Anonymous]

I would, because it’s never wrong to do the right thing

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. Why open a can of worms? I can (and do) wish her well from a distance. It would feel super creepy and weird if she reached out each time I had a baby! Real boundary violation. She should respect me more than that.

[Anonymous]

Depends.

If we are connected on social media only, sure if she posts a pic and I'm truly happy for her I'll send good wishes. If I'm not truly happy for them that's about when I decide it's time to not follow them anymore on social media.

If we ever call or text even once a year or so, I would call or text a congrats. If not, I wouldn't .

If we have no contact whatsoever, I wouldn't text just to say I heard it through the grapevine.