Kid misses old house terribly, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old would talk about our old apartment when we moved. Then we unexpectedly moved when he was 5, and missed things about both apartments. I'm sorry OP, it sucks watching your kids be sad and miss something. We focused on the good things about the new place we moved to. It helped.

[Anonymous]

The new house doesn’t feel like her home yet. She needs time to personalize her space, learn where the floor squeaks, wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking etc. she just needs time to make it her home.

[Anonymous]

It's very normal that she is grieving the loss of her old home and good that she is verbalizing it. Let her live through her emotions, allow her to personalize her room in some ways and let time do the rest...

[Anonymous]

You've recognized in her a strange obsession. After all, she is emotionally inexperienced, with only a few years in which to store up experiences which you and I take for granted. If you gift her new memories in her new home, you can create a cushion or a pillow for her emotions, and consequently, control her better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've recognized in her a strange obsession. After all, she is emotionally inexperienced, with only a few years in which to store up experiences which you and I take for granted. If you gift her new memories in her new home, you can create a cushion or a pillow for her emotions, and consequently, control her better.

Your response is at once calming and terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just moved from our TH to a SFH four miles from the old house. My kid keeps on telling me she misses the old house terribly, and she doesn’t want to be in the new one. I asked what she missed about the old one, she said just everything... She asked why we had to move, I told her it was too small for us. Then she cried and said that it was enough for her... she’s eight and she will probably get over it. But her missing the old house breaks my heart. I also miss it because we had such good time there. But we have to move on... what can I do to help her less sad (I’m not very interested in bribing her because there is no end to it...)

Tell the kid to suck it up, buttercup. That’s really the best thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just moved from our TH to a SFH four miles from the old house. My kid keeps on telling me she misses the old house terribly, and she doesn’t want to be in the new one. I asked what she missed about the old one, she said just everything... She asked why we had to move, I told her it was too small for us. Then she cried and said that it was enough for her... she’s eight and she will probably get over it. But her missing the old house breaks my heart. I also miss it because we had such good time there. But we have to move on... what can I do to help her less sad (I’m not very interested in bribing her because there is no end to it...)

Tell the kid to suck it up, buttercup. That’s really the best thing.

Np. Do not listen to this person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just moved from our TH to a SFH four miles from the old house. My kid keeps on telling me she misses the old house terribly, and she doesn’t want to be in the new one. I asked what she missed about the old one, she said just everything... She asked why we had to move, I told her it was too small for us. Then she cried and said that it was enough for her... she’s eight and she will probably get over it. But her missing the old house breaks my heart. I also miss it because we had such good time there. But we have to move on... what can I do to help her less sad (I’m not very interested in bribing her because there is no end to it...)

Do you have nice quality pictures from the listing? You could make her a photo book to remember it by. We moved when I was a little older than that and I remember being really upset. But I did get over it eventually! So will she.

this! I made this for both my kids and they LOVE the book. We go through phases of missing our old home and lots of tears and it’s comforting to have the book.

[Anonymous]

It took my son a good 9 months before he started being happy with our new house and neighborhood. Give it time! I know it's hard because we want our kids to be happy all the time. She will adjust.

[Anonymous]

Tell the kid to grow up and cope.

I once complained about having to move and my mother said I'd have to cope and that was it. Matter settled. And I did cope.

Moving from a big to smaller house due to financial needs or a divorce is a special set of emotions that is somewhat understandable, but moving up the ladder is a luxury and whining about it is just enabling a spoiled child. And your kid will get over it soon enough if you leave it alone and don't make a big deal about being worried about him or her.

[Anonymous]

First, my full sympathy to you as we moved our 7yo halfway across the country this summer and it was so stressful worrying about her. For the first couple weeks she was kind of down but things slowly got better from there. I realize this is probably not an option now but we had grandparents visit, did a lot of local tourism to show how cool our new state was...but it wasn’t until she started school and was able to have a few play dates in person (outside) and activities that I noticed a real big improvement.

Are you in the same school just different house? Folks have already given good suggestions to make the new house cool for her. If it’s also a new school try to think of things to address that too. I know there’s so little anyone can do now but, if so, that might help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was wrong with your old place? Why did you need to move? You can highlight what the problems were that led to you needing to get out.

Totally disagree with this. Moving is an adult decision. Children do not get involved in adult decisions. If OP does what this person suggests, she will wind up justifying a lot of her adult decisions. "We moved because Daddy and I decided this is what is best for our family. What makes a home is the people in it, not the exact location. Is there something specific we can do to make you more comfortable here?" Because maybe the new trees cast scary shadows on her walls at night or something and you can just get blackout curtains. Or maybe this new house smells different and you can spray a spritz of your perfume in her room each night while she's brushing her teeth. But do not try to justify adult decisions to children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the kid to grow up and cope.

I once complained about having to move and my mother said I'd have to cope and that was it. Matter settled. And I did cope.

Moving from a big to smaller house due to financial needs or a divorce is a special set of emotions that is somewhat understandable, but moving up the ladder is a luxury and whining about it is just enabling a spoiled child. And your kid will get over it soon enough if you leave it alone and don't make a big deal about being worried about him or her.

JFC some people are shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was wrong with your old place? Why did you need to move? You can highlight what the problems were that led to you needing to get out.

Totally disagree with this. Moving is an adult decision. Children do not get involved in adult decisions. If OP does what this person suggests, she will wind up justifying a lot of her adult decisions. "We moved because Daddy and I decided this is what is best for our family. What makes a home is the people in it, not the exact location. Is there something specific we can do to make you more comfortable here?" Because maybe the new trees cast scary shadows on her walls at night or something and you can just get blackout curtains. Or maybe this new house smells different and you can spray a spritz of your perfume in her room each night while she's brushing her teeth. But do not try to justify adult decisions to children.

Explaining isn’t necessarily justifying. We explained our decision by saying “we wanted more space, another bathroom, and to make it easier for Mama to get to work.” The kid was getting a bigger room, so seemed to find this persuasive. I overheard him telling his friends that we were moving to a better house. But he is easygoing, and I myself would’ve had trouble with a move at that age. Time, pictures, and reassuring her that her happy memories of that house will always be a part of her would be my prescription. Hang in there, OP. I promise she will come out of this fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long has it been?

Why can't you just let her be sad and share in the loss with her?

This is OP. I agree. I should just give it time. Seeing her sad breaks my heart because we worked so hard to get this house and we want to make her happy...

Definitely give it time and be sure to let her feel her emotions, but there is nothing wrong with doing special things for our kiddos--as we hopefully would for anyone else in our lives we care about--to help cheer them up when they're feeling down. I think there are a lot of great suggestions here.