Conflict over geographic location and careers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you are coming from, OP. If this was really his dream, then you would follow him. But he doesn't seem to know what he wants, and he really isn't considering you at all when making his plans for the future.

Worst case scenario:
You guys divorce. You want to leave small college town and pursue your career. He tells you that if you leave, then he will get primary custody of the child because YOU moved away.

Best case scenario:
You guys figure this out together, and make a plan that involves both of you pursuing your interests and taking care of your child.

Personally, I think that you should move for your own career, and let him follow or not. If he chooses not to follow, then that's on him. Hopefully, during the course of you making plans to leave, he will actually come to his senses and have a real conversation about how you can both make this work. If not, then at least you have the job you want, live in the city you want to live in, and have your child.

There's a lot of good advice in this post but the part where I disagree is why should she follow him if he has a dream? She has a dream and a potential both and so not sure why the default is that she should follow him.

OP, you have a good case for moving. The challenge for you is when do you make the move. Do you get a new job now knowing that you will be on maternity leave soon thereafter or do you do it in a year's time after you have delivered your baby? You'll need to keep looking in the meanwhile so that you have a good job prospect when you do decide to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you are coming from, OP. If this was really his dream, then you would follow him. But he doesn't seem to know what he wants, and he really isn't considering you at all when making his plans for the future.

Worst case scenario:
You guys divorce. You want to leave small college town and pursue your career. He tells you that if you leave, then he will get primary custody of the child because YOU moved away.

Best case scenario:
You guys figure this out together, and make a plan that involves both of you pursuing your interests and taking care of your child.

Personally, I think that you should move for your own career, and let him follow or not. If he chooses not to follow, then that's on him. Hopefully, during the course of you making plans to leave, he will actually come to his senses and have a real conversation about how you can both make this work. If not, then at least you have the job you want, live in the city you want to live in, and have your child.

There's a lot of good advice in this post but the part where I disagree is why should she follow him if he has a dream? She has a dream and a potential both and so not sure why the default is that she should follow him.

OP, you have a good case for moving. The challenge for you is when do you make the move. Do you get a new job now knowing that you will be on maternity leave soon thereafter or do you do it in a year's time after you have delivered your baby? You'll need to keep looking in the meanwhile so that you have a good job prospect when you do decide to move.

That's a good point. I didn't mean that she has to follow him if he has a dream, but I would understand why you would want to do that for your spouse. But following him around when he is kind of directionless would be VERY frustrating.

Oh wow, OP. You make twice what he does, so you could end up divorced, stuck in this college town, AND paying him alimony.

Move to where you want to live! He can follow if he wants to.