Divorce due to cheating

[Anonymous]

My ex cheated on me and when he tried to play innocent and blame me for everything, I showed him copies of the evidence I gathered about his cheating. He was stunned. I hired a lawyer to do the paperwork but handled the negotiations myself. I got his parents to turn on him by showing them the evidence. He caved after nearly four months of temper tantrums that I ignored. He can see the children only at his parents house and rarely shows up. They only think
They are staying with grandparents over the weekend and it is a surprise if he shows up but they are not disappointed if he does not. His father and my dad are much better fathers to the kids than he was, so they are better off.

I bought him out of the house and receive occasional child support from him. We would do better financially if he would pay the support, but we are fine.

Use what you have to your advantage but know that the courts will not support you.

[Anonymous]

^why not push for child support? It’s for the kids. He is their father and he needs to be held responsible. Shame on him for not seeing his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex cheated on me and when he tried to play innocent and blame me for everything, I showed him copies of the evidence I gathered about his cheating. He was stunned. I hired a lawyer to do the paperwork but handled the negotiations myself. I got his parents to turn on him by showing them the evidence. He caved after nearly four months of temper tantrums that I ignored. He can see the children only at his parents house and rarely shows up. They only think
They are staying with grandparents over the weekend and it is a surprise if he shows up but they are not disappointed if he does not. His father and my dad are much better fathers to the kids than he was, so they are better off.

I bought him out of the house and receive occasional child support from him. We would do better financially if he would pay the support, but we are fine.

Use what you have to your advantage but know that the courts will not support you.

The courts certainly don't care about his cheating, so the only reason this affected your divorce is that your ex is an idiot and clearly he did not want to be a father and he took the easy exit.

[Anonymous]

The judge gave my sil a more favorable outcome because he left her for the OW. He also stopped paying the bills at their home, and moved into an apt with the OW. She and the kids ended up with the home. I think the other factor being she was a SAHM. Her DH was livid and quite surprised. His AP didn't have anything so at age 55 he literally had to start all over. It didn't end well for him at all, but again it does depend on the judge you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^why not push for child support? It’s for the kids. He is their father and he needs to be held responsible. Shame on him for not seeing his kids.

If he's a bad role model and crappy parent it's best he stays out of the picture. I'd take less money or zero to keep him out of the picture. Especially a cheater who would have horrible skanks around my kid.

She can find a better dad down the road, many women do.

[Anonymous]

It didn't at all. Judges don't care about cheating at all. They care a little about the spouse having the child around the AP. A little. But courts don't care. It's sad because children are so affected by it all. As far as the courts they get off scot free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, straight infidelity did not affect it. But the incredible behavior of my ex, overall, did affect it. I have indefinite alimony.

But this is unusual. My ex is a sociopath, and we had a six-month child custody evaluation that finally shed light on him. The judge couldn't do the most important thing for me: sole physical custody. But he punished my ex financially in every way he could.

I call BS.

Judges don't "punish" people in civil divorce cases. They make decisions based on precedent, using defined formulas for compensation, and they above all don't make their rulings personal.

You're full of crap.

Oh wow, I just came back here and saw this. I'm the previous poster, and I posted this a long time ago. All I can say is that I have indefinitely alimony. I don't know how much time you've spent in family law court, but judges most certainly do make all sorts of decisions that are not black and white. In fact, it's why divorce attorneys never want to go to trial because they don't know what judge they will get or what will ultimately happen. "You never know," they tell clients.

It was based on precedent, but the judge interpreted all the facts of the case and made his decision. He was able to take all sorts of things into account like life insurance, who gets the house, who paid for certain things and needed to be reimbursed, who worked (or pretended to work) while the other person stayed home to watch the kids. And many other factors like perjury and abuse.

I have indefinite spousal support. And it's a lot of money. My case was unusual, and I don't want to give others false hope, but it does happen. One of my best friends had a similar situation and she lives in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The judge gave my sil a more favorable outcome because he left her for the OW. He also stopped paying the bills at their home, and moved into an apt with the OW. She and the kids ended up with the home. I think the other factor being she was a SAHM. Her DH was livid and quite surprised. His AP didn't have anything so at age 55 he literally had to start all over. It didn't end well for him at all, but again it does depend on the judge you have.

Absolutely. Everything depends on the factors and the judge. When he stopped paying the bills, and "abandoned" his kids, this turned into something different than just cheating.

Good for your SIL. She deserves everything she got.

[Anonymous]

I'm in Virginia. The court wouldn't have cared at all, other than we could have skipped the 1 year waiting period and divorced for cause. It rarely has any impact whatsoever on custody, financial settlements, alimony, etc. Ive even seen where a husband cheated, wife divorced him, and she had to pay HIM spousal support.

In my case, my DH slept with his subordinate. I used his guilt and the unspoken threat that I could inform his HR dept (hed almost certainly be fired) to get a slightly better than fair settlement. We split everything 50-50, but I had him pay "advance closing costs" on the eventual sale of the house, and had him pay me half the cash value of his leave.