Punishment for breaking glasses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.

UGH!

I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.

Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.

I never looked at it that way. That is a serious eye opener. Thank you.

You might want to read Alfie Kohn's book, Unconditional Parenting. It's the real eye opener on this topic of reflexive punishments vs. identifying and addressing the root causes of bad behavior. I thought it was a very good book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.

UGH!

I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.

Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.

I agree with this poster. Be empathetic with him, sit down and have a nice chat about how tired he must be and what a long week it has been. But then tell him that it is still not acceptable to break things out of anger and that he does need to be disciplined. My 5 year old recently broke something on purpose. He does have money that he has been saving up. I took away his money and gave him a list of chores that he had to do every day for a week to earn his money back. We made a chart and put a star next to each chore as it was completed. It worked and we he was excited to do the chores because he could see the progress that he was making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.

UGH!

I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.

Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.

I agree with this poster. Be empathetic with him, sit down and have a nice chat about how tired he must be and what a long week it has been. But then tell him that it is still not acceptable to break things out of anger and that he does need to be disciplined. My 5 year old recently broke something on purpose. He does have money that he has been saving up. I took away his money and gave him a list of chores that he had to do every day for a week to earn his money back. We made a chart and put a star next to each chore as it was completed. It worked and we he was excited to do the chores because he could see the progress that he was making.

I agree too. Very well said.

It never crossed my mind that the OP "wasn't" empathetic with her child. After all, she pointed out in this post what stress he was under. But that's a separate issue from how to drive home the point that you just can't go breaking things in frustration. There are other, more appropriate ways to vent feelings.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it sounds like the mom is looking for give some serious discipline because she's pissed (understandably so), rather than as a way to teach her child right from wrong. I just don't think that at age 4 the child can truly grasp how bad an act that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.

I never looked at it that way. That is a serious eye opener. Thank you.

I agree. Interesting post. I will read the book that this poster suggested.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who suggested the flexible glasses. My husband has flexible frames, and they're indestructible. They look like normal metal/wire frames, but they'll bend in half without snapping. As long as he doesn't crack the lense, they're fine. They've been sat on, torn off, etc., and have survived about 2 decades now.

[Anonymous]

PP here: "lens" - sorry.