DH is a superficial ass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the names you call him, it sounds like you both like to point out each other's less than ideal points.

Letting yourself go and not caring about staying attractive to your partner is often problematic. Very different than you body being impacted by pregnancy or illness or chemo etc.

NP, but what on earth? Where did she call him a name?

In the title...superficial ass. Not a nice way to talk about your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is difficult for many men to get an erection for a fat woman. It's not fair. It just is.

+1 That's why I married an Asian woman. They rarely get fat. I'm pushing 60 and can get wood for her at the snap of the fingers.

OP, what were your marriage vows? If I know I can give more specific advice.

[Anonymous]

He didn't say he didn't love you, just that he wasn't attracted to you. attraction isn't something that is entirely within someone's control. He can't just choose to be attracted to someone who is obese. Especially since fitness and self care is something he values.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
He has, at times has been 30 lbs heavier, I don't care. I have always been attracted to him. I would love him no matter what. I don't care if he gains weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the names you call him, it sounds like you both like to point out each other's less than ideal points.

Letting yourself go and not caring about staying attractive to your partner is often problematic. Very different than you body being impacted by pregnancy or illness or chemo etc.

You sound like a drama queen.
Have you never been angry with your Spouse? What is wrong with anonymous venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
He has, at times has been 30 lbs heavier, I don't care. I have always been attracted to him. I would love him no matter what. I don't care if he gains weight.

There are many people who see fat or obesity as attractive features...others don't. You might see rolls of fat or a big beer belly and it turns you on, he doesn't feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

He does cardio every morning M-F, then he does weights M-W-S. so he does take Sundays off.

But he's doing two-a-days and he's not a professional athlete.

Yes, I agree he is over the top!

what?

that's a pretty common training schedule - especially as i get older, its better for me to split up my workouts to morning and evening. i can't go super all out for 2 hours like i did as 20.

[Anonymous]

the way be framed it wasn't good but perhaps he can help you work out?

perhaps you can go running with him every morning?

[Anonymous]

What was the context? Did you say, why aren't we having sex anymore, I need to know...and he answered, I'm honestly not attracted to you because of your weight? If he did not say it maliciously, I know it may still hurt, but i think anger and lashing out is not the best response.

If it was something like that I think you two can work on it, if you still want to. You can be just as honest and say well I still feel sexy, and i think you are a bit obsessed with exercise and body control. Likely he sees it as a sign of self control. You guys can find other ways to rebuild intimacy by doing things like working out together, going for couples massages, or vacationing. In every relationship this happens (attraction wanes and has to be built back up) so I wouldn't get too hung up on the weight issue. And make sure you really are doing things that make you feel sexy (nice clothes, pampering, etc) so that you are honest when you tell him you feel sexy.

[Anonymous]

What does he do to make it possible for you to exercise? Or does he dump you with the kids so that he has plenty of time?

[Anonymous]

So you got fat and you're angry that he's not happy that you're fat? He didn't say he didn't love you. You're getting angry at the wrong person. You should honestly be upset with yourself. He was only stating the truth. Did you want him to lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you got fat and you're angry that he's not happy that you're fat? He didn't say he didn't love you. You're getting angry at the wrong person. You should honestly be upset with yourself. He was only stating the truth. Did you want him to lie?

Woman here -I agree with this. Do you feel healthy and happy at your size? I think you are mad at yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he do to make it possible for you to exercise? Or does he dump you with the kids so that he has plenty of time?

It's a lock this is the case!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he do to make it possible for you to exercise? Or does he dump you with the kids so that he has plenty of time?

It's a lock this is the case!

Oh please. He seems to find time to exercise. Is OP saying she can't get off her bum to find the time either? She's just the victim of his working out? Abandoned to tend to the children with no time to ever work out? I doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you got fat and you're angry that he's not happy that you're fat? He didn't say he didn't love you. You're getting angry at the wrong person. You should honestly be upset with yourself. He was only stating the truth. Did you want him to lie?

Woman here -I agree with this. Do you feel healthy and happy at your size? I think you are mad at yourself.

What is wrong with you people? Spouses grow and change. Pretty much everyone would be more attracted to a celebrity or a porn star, but we don't always get what we want. I think it's unbelievably cruel of the husband to say he's no longer attracted to her and then shrug his shoulders and say sorry, it's beyond his control. Women have sex all the time when they don't feel like it -- in fact, that's usually what they're told to do on DCUM. If he loves her he can just deal. If she doesn't feel healthy or happy at this weight then she can work on it for herself, not him.