I hate waiting for RSVPs for my kids' parties

[Anonymous]

Don't hide the list! That's so annoying, I always wonder why the hosts do that, makes me wonder who's being left out purposefully.

I know how you feel though. I'm not anxious about my kids getting disappointed but any time I extend an invitation, I want to know who is coming. Drives me crazy when I see people have checked the invite but never bothered to respond. I always respond quickly because I know what it's like to wait for RSVPs.

[Anonymous]

I have dreadful anxiety about certain things so i can understand you, OP. But you chose something really minor to get all in a tizzy about, don't you think?

The last party we had was with 2 guests because we sent out invites really late and it was Easter weekend. And it was lovely - we could focus on conversation instead of crowd-control!

As a mental exercise, run different scenarios and how you would find a way to enjoy them.

And yes, please, do something about your anxiety. Otherwise you'll end up in real physical pain from it.

[Anonymous]

crafts favors games gifts .......for a 7 year old? My son would be so embarrassed. You are WAY too into this.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with a summer birthday in late August. I can invite 100 kids and maybe 8 will come. Frankly, it is awesome because I look like the world's most inclusive mom and always have a very manageable number. A small party isn't all bad.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand your feelings. Of course DCUM is full of apologist for rude behavior. I swear the parents in this area have the worst manners! Just respond to the RSVP. How hard is it to check your calendar? Conflicts with your multiple trace teams? FFS not only are dc parents rude, they are total suckers.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak for myself. I WOH full-time and my child is still a toddler. I do respond right away if it is a close friend or family member. If it is for someone outside our immediate circle then I will wait to see how we’re feeling and what else is going on as it gets closer. Birthday parties are not at the top of my priorities for how I spend my limited time with my child. When she’s old enough to have her own preferences then I’m sure that will change.

When I was growing up our parties were really small, always low budget and at home. I never had that anxiety, and I’m a fairly introverted person. I'm not a fan of this high-stakes birthday party culture we now live in where expectations are so high.

I would recommend having a fun backup activity in mind for if no one shows up – go to the aquarium or the movies and out to eat/out for ice cream, and just make it a really special day. If only a couple kids show up you can ditch the party idea and take them all out to eat or something. Find some way to lower the stakes so you don’t go crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:crafts favors games gifts .......for a 7 year old? My son would be so embarrassed. You are WAY too into this.

NP here and what are you talking about? I can see ditching crafts for a 7 yr old boy but for a girl no problem. And favors and games - absolutely are needed.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same, seems perfectly natural so I’m surprised so many naysayers are responding negatively; I mean how many movies have we all seen with people anxiously waiting on a response to a text? Waiting is anxiety producing. Unless you know you or your kid is the most popular kid in class and there will be no shortage of guests. So, yes, please, vent on, I appreciate knowing there’s more of us “normal” ones out there.

[Anonymous]

I also fear no one will come and hate checking RSVPs. I have my husband check.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3 yo who received his first party invitation. I saw the invite, tucked into his school folder, read it, put it aside to look at the calendar and talk to DS's dad, as well as DS. A few days passed and I went to RSVP and couldn't find the invite. I reached out to our teacher a few days later who gave me the contact information a few days later. I RSVP's about 6 days before the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And now my daughter is 6 she's monitoring the responses to and wondering why days have passed with no movement.

OP I think this is where/how you transfer your anxiety to your daughter. As some PPs have said, therapy.

I wouldn't list-hide if I were you.

I don't know who is sending you invitations with 6-8 weeks notice but unless it's a baptism, bar/bat mitzvah or quinceañera, that's nuts.

Part of party-planning is accepting that you may have to over-order on crafts and favors. You can set your invitation reminder frequency and dates to help minimize this.

[Anonymous]

Run the date by the parents of his favorite guests to see if they are available. If they are invite everyone else. I agree that it is rude and the parents prefer their kids to do their sports rather than a party. If I had party age kids now, I wouldn’t even bother doing birthday parties. Parents don’t prioritize them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:crafts favors games gifts .......for a 7 year old? My son would be so embarrassed. You are WAY too into this.

For a 7 year old - absolutely yes for the games / favors- just seven years old.

[Anonymous]

sorry, OP. parties are hard for me. like, *attending* parties is hard for me. my kid is in preschool, i'm older than most of the other parents, my kid takes a long time to warm up when lots of people are around, and weekends are when i get to spend time with them because work doesn't leave much time.

so you're asking me to commit several hours of my time with my kid weeks in advance, including the advanced calculus of potty training, naps, present purchasing, socializing, and new venue. you're right, i should probably just decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I usually respond right away, but I think you're shooting yourself in the foot sending out invites so early. For example, I just received an invite to a party over the July 4 weekend. I have no idea if we will be traveling, and DH doesn't know his schedule yet.

Also, if you don't do it already, you should "hide" the guest list from people if you're doing evites. People are sometimes followers and won't RSVP until they see that other people are RSVPing.

This is terrible advice. Nobody actually does this. The evite guest list is really helpful because no one accidentally mentions a party to someone who isn't invited. I'm always annoyed when it's hidden.