When is it NOT better to stay together for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Op has posted many threads before, it sounds like nothing has changed. OP you should leave, it hasn't changed and won't changed. You and your kids deserve better.

[Anonymous]

OP. It could get worse. In addition to the strong likelihood that he will cheat again, he could give you an STD. Also, your kids could witness it since he sounds reckless.
Get out now. He will quickly remarry. You on the other hand will probably have to wait for years.

[Anonymous]

Addiction, abuse, adultery. Those are the reasons I would leave. They can be worked through, but if they don't stop, leaving is the better option.

My brother is emotionally abusive and long-time divorced. My ex sis in law's divorce attorney told her that if at least one parent is healthy and responsible, the kids will be fine.

It's a LOT easier to be healthy and responsible if you are away from the abuse. You have to be healthy to be able to take care of your kids.

Go ahead and explore counseling for you. But know that leaving may be the best thing, as hard as it seems. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You again. Same advice as the last 15 posts: leave.

Maybe you should leave DCUM. Not everyone follows thread by thread and here are many more readers and visitors than commenters.

NP. To be fair, regulars here have seen what appears to be this same woman posting this exact same issue regularly, and lots of people have tried to help. She always ignores everything and then comes back like a broken record.

That's how victims of abuse are. Their thoughts about the situation are complex: self doubt, stigma of broken marriage, love/hope that he will be more like his old nice self, and so on. Leaving is a process. And abuse victims often leave several times, going back. We should be supportive during every step of that process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You again. Same advice as the last 15 posts: leave.

Maybe you should leave DCUM. Not everyone follows thread by thread and here are many more readers and visitors than commenters.

NP. To be fair, regulars here have seen what appears to be this same woman posting this exact same issue regularly, and lots of people have tried to help. She always ignores everything and then comes back like a broken record.

That's how victims of abuse are. Their thoughts about the situation are complex: self doubt, stigma of broken marriage, love/hope that he will be more like his old nice self, and so on. Leaving is a process. And abuse victims often leave several times, going back. We should be supportive during every step of that process.

I know all too well what it's like to live in an abusive situation. It does take a lot of tries to get yourself together enough to act. However, maybe her husband is just a garden-variety ass who does what cheaters often do--gaslighting, acting selfish and critical, and picking fights. He's over her. He doesn't feel like being pleasant to her. That doesn't make him an abuser. It makes him a jerk. She's not scared or beaten down, she's unhappy and overwhelmed. There's a difference, believe me. And she's been waffling forever about it. I think people became exasperated after a while, because she posts like this is her personal blog and she has no real interest in doing anything about the situation. I wish her the best and hope she's able to find support and get her act together.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me, OP. I am sorry. I have a 4 year old and took really drastic measures to get out of the marriage, because financial abuse was involved and he kept blocking me from going back to work. My advice is to leave now. Your kids won't remember the hard times. They also need you to model healthy relationships. I ended up in this relationship in part because it is what was modeled for me at home. I thought if I was just the best wife that the effort would be returned to me. I look back at my parents and see that it was never returned to my mom.

Google narcassistic emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry-we often believe the hardest thing is not knowing what to do, but we do know what the right thing is and resist. Take the precautions to protect yourself and kids- our faith has taught us that we are not meant to be in danger, and time and humanity has proved that abusiveness often gets worse not better with time. You are blessed to be a mom and responsible for protecting the LO's. Many Blessings