Warning people about bad things or mind your business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Unless you are in danger if you speak up... please tell her!!!

(How is this even a question?)

I don't know her, I have met her once. How do I even do that, why would she believe me?

Talk to her alone, when you are sure he want walk in and stop you, tell her everything you know. If there's something that she can easily confirm for herself, tell her to look into it but if she doesn't believe you don't lose any sleep, you did your part. Not saying anything in this situation would not be okay imo, especially with a child involved.

He will never let that happen. Also she lives in another state and comes to visit occasionally and he goes there. He makes it a state secret when she is in town so no one gets any alone time with her. Me and other co-worker had wanted to take her to dinner and drinks and chat when she was down here one time but he was having no part of that. Co-worker tried to give her her card to contact her and he got it from her and co-worker hasn't heard from her. Only way I can have chat with her may be on FB cause he isn't on FB but I am not linked with her. He isn't my boss but if he finds out I butted in, he could make work difficult.

If he's just a work acquaintance why would need alone time with his girlfriend in the first place? That's odd too.

Then how do you get this information across to her? Or maybe I don't cause it is just to hard to do and she is old enough and should know better?

I may have misunderstood, you have been trying to get together with her to tell her about her creepy fiance or you have tried to get together with her just to chat? Your work acquaintance keeping the fact that his fiance is in town does not mean he's keeping a state secret. Or, are you guys really good friends and that's why it's odd that he keeps her from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Unless you are in danger if you speak up... please tell her!!!

(How is this even a question?)

I don't know her, I have met her once. How do I even do that, why would she believe me?

Talk to her alone, when you are sure he want walk in and stop you, tell her everything you know. If there's something that she can easily confirm for herself, tell her to look into it but if she doesn't believe you don't lose any sleep, you did your part. Not saying anything in this situation would not be okay imo, especially with a child involved.

He will never let that happen. Also she lives in another state and comes to visit occasionally and he goes there. He makes it a state secret when she is in town so no one gets any alone time with her. Me and other co-worker had wanted to take her to dinner and drinks and chat when she was down here one time but he was having no part of that. Co-worker tried to give her her card to contact her and he got it from her and co-worker hasn't heard from her. Only way I can have chat with her may be on FB cause he isn't on FB but I am not linked with her. He isn't my boss but if he finds out I butted in, he could make work difficult.

If he's just a work acquaintance why would need alone time with his girlfriend in the first place? That's odd too.

Then how do you get this information across to her? Or maybe I don't cause it is just to hard to do and she is old enough and should know better?

I may have misunderstood, you have been trying to get together with her to tell her about her creepy fiance or you have tried to get together with her just to chat? Your work acquaintance keeping the fact that his fiance is in town does not mean he's keeping a state secret. Or, are you guys really good friends and that's why it's odd that he keeps her from you?

We are not really good friends and when he said he was bringing her to lunch we felt obligated to go meet her. When we got there he introduced us like we were long time friends and no one was willing to embarrass this really nice girl by speaking up so we just went along with it. The chat would have been to tell her about the creepy fiance. Once a few of us figured out what was going on we thought maybe saying something to her was a good idea and approached him about meeting up with her again. He nixed that right away and now keeps her coming in town a state secret. He doesn't want the two worlds to collide cause she might find out all the lies he has told her.

[Anonymous]

What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

[Anonymous]

YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING. IT'S NOT ABOUT JUST HER, SHE HAS A CHILD.
After you tell her, it's her decision as to what she will do, but at least you have educated her.

[Anonymous]

If I had her address I'd send an anonymous letter with examples/proof and let the chips fall. She might be dumb enough to go along with his lies, or she might investigate and dump him. I'd feel bad, otherwise if I didn't say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I suggest you contact child services. A girl should not be marrying a man, absent her being emancipated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I suggest you contact child services. A girl should not be marrying a man, absent her being emancipated.

Stated earlier, both are in late 30's not a 'girl'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I suggest you contact child services. A girl should not be marrying a man, absent her being emancipated.

Stated earlier, both are in late 30's not a 'girl'

First line of thread: "I know a girl that is about to marry a very bad man."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I suggest you contact child services. A girl should not be marrying a man, absent her being emancipated.

Stated earlier, both are in late 30's not a 'girl'

First line of thread: "I know a girl that is about to marry a very bad man."

OP - yes I used the word girl. But actually a grown woman at this age. You get what I am saying.

[Anonymous]

You write a note that says "I have some private information that may be of interest to you before you marry. Call me some time when you are alone, if you are interested. Name. Phone number." Fold up small. Next time you see them, if you can catch her for a minute alone, like if you go to the rest room together, or he leaves for a drink, rest room, etc, give it to her. Ask her to read it when she's alone. If not, walk up, say hello, discreetly put this in her hand, shake her hand, "Oh nice to see you again" close her hand around the note and put her hand down by her side. She can look at it later.

Then the ball is in her court whether she acts on it or not. It will no longer be your decision, but hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You write a note that says "I have some private information that may be of interest to you before you marry. Call me some time when you are alone, if you are interested. Name. Phone number." Fold up small. Next time you see them, if you can catch her for a minute alone, like if you go to the rest room together, or he leaves for a drink, rest room, etc, give it to her. Ask her to read it when she's alone. If not, walk up, say hello, discreetly put this in her hand, shake her hand, "Oh nice to see you again" close her hand around the note and put her hand down by her side. She can look at it later.

Then the ball is in her court whether she acts on it or not. It will no longer be your decision, but hers.

I get why everyone is saying "tell her" but maybe that isn't such a good idea. You work with him, you said he can make life at work hard so who wants that. You said she is in late 30's and has a child, why isn't her focus on her child and why can't she figure out she is being duped. You go in there and tell all his business and she could end up still marrying him. You don't know her motivation, maybe she needs health insurance or maybe where she is living is getting dodgy maybe she just wants to be married and taken care of no matter what the circumstances. You tell and you could become the enemy to them both and now you have to deal with him at work. Yes there is a child involved but if his mom is doing this then can't imagine she is going to make good decisions about much of anything so you are only saving the child from this fool. She will go out and find another fool afterward. I vote, stay out of it. Could cause more trouble for you then you anticipated. Only way you could do this is if you can get message to her anonymously and then she may not take it serious cause she won't know where it is coming from. Only someone with a lot of insight and thought would take an anonymous tip seriously and she has already proven that that isn't who she is. If you insist on telling do it anonymously, then just walk away and know that you tried.

[Anonymous]

I knew horrible, ugly things about a man my best friend married. I was advised on this board, and from others, to MYOB. It ended in a painful, expensive divorce. They have a child, and it has been a mess for her.

I will never hold my tongue again. In fact, I would be so angry if a friend KNEW I was walking into a nightmare, and didn't let me know. We like to believe we are all grown-ups. But I think we should respectfully, thoughtfully look out for one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew horrible, ugly things about a man my best friend married. I was advised on this board, and from others, to MYOB. It ended in a painful, expensive divorce. They have a child, and it has been a mess for her.

I will never hold my tongue again. In fact, I would be so angry if a friend KNEW I was walking into a nightmare, and didn't let me know. We like to believe we are all grown-ups. But I think we should respectfully, thoughtfully look out for one another.

Op here - difference is I don't know her, we aren't friends. Yeah I thought about that, what happens when it blows up will I forever be guilty about what happen to that child? I am not a friend of hers just acquaintance of the groom so not a trusted relationship. I want to tell but the logistics are tough.

[Anonymous]

Find some way to contact her and let her know anonymously with enough details that she can corroborate what you are telling her. The bad co-worker won't be able to tell which person in his group of acquaintances let her know. Also, the very next time he tries to share something with you, you need to let him know you don't agree with what he is doing.