35 divorced mom...who do I date?

[Anonymous]

Download Bumble. It's like Tinder, but with normal people, ones looking to actually meet and date and possibly have a relationship. The nice thing about Bumble is that the women get to make the first move. So if you swipe right on someone and you match, you get to message him first and set the tone of the convo (within 24 hours). Then, he has 24 hours to respond. If he doesn't the match disappears. If he does, then you start the convo and see where it goes.

I think you will need to use at least one online dating site, and this is the one I recommend over all the others. It's a good way to dip your toes in without any type of financial commitment. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

It would all depend on the ages of your children and how long ago was your divorce.

If your divorce is fairly new & your children are still quite young, then I strongly encourage you to toss dating on the back burner temporarily.

Enjoy your time alone.
Focus on healing, your newfound freedom + this brand-new stage in life.

Concentrate on your two children who are likely trying to acclimate to this new family dynamic too.
This is a very vulnerable time for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:43 yr old divorced with 2 kids. I don't date. I don't have the time, energy, or desire to put the effort into finding someone and having a relationship. I put my relationship efforts into my kids.

That's not to say, I don't have a life---I take classes, have dinner with friends, entertain at home, volunteer at the sr. center. I enjoy my life but it just doesn't have room in it at the moment for someone else.

Especially a divorced dad with kids--who would be my target population. I have no desire to deal with their ex wife and kids and I have no desire for them to deal with my ex and my kids.

When the kids are out of the house, I'll consider dating.

I agree.

I encourage both of you to reconsider. My mother was 45 when my parents split up and she had so many redeeming qualities at that time. Instead, she festered in her rage, dealt with cancer, lost confidence bc of her treatments, and felt she was never lovable again. 30 yrs later, I wish for her sake that she had made very different choices. She is so lonely, despite having regular interactions w her kids and grandkids.

22:53. I tried dating which is how I know I don't have time for it. I had men tell me that they wanted more-- for me to be available on the weekends, to talk at night, and see them once or twice during the week. I get that that's what makes a relationship. I give that time to my kids. But I also know that I don't want another parent figure for my kids and I don't want to be a parent figure to someone else's children. I'm just not willing to open that door.

The only way for me to meet someone would be in the natural course of life. As I said, I take classes and volunteer. If I were to meet someone in class that I would naturally see weekly, then perhaps. If I see someone's son at the sr center each week, maybe. But I would have to get to know them pretty darn well over the course of a long time before I would even consider introducing them to my kids. And they would have to understand that we would not live together until all the kids were out of the house.

Did you read the post about Tinder--- I'm not dealing with that stuff.

23:19 here. I totally get all of that. I'm 36, married with an 18-month old and 4-yr old. So I know, God I know there's absolutely no free time for life outside of children. I just posted about my family experience as a cautionary tale bc my mom got so lost in just having us that she forgot to have herself, and that's been agonizing for her So many years later when it's so much harder to find those connections. It's also rough on us kids bc she relies so heavily on us for her happiness. Best of luck to you, I wish you all the best with your children and forging your own path.

[Anonymous]

DiverDown wrote:You sound like you are willing to go without a physical relationship . Not everyone can endure that

as the op..I want to date for a FWB situation. who wants to live through their 30s without it?
if something more serious were to come out of it that's OK, but I am also not interested in dealing with ex wife and kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:43 yr old divorced with 2 kids. I don't date. I don't have the time, energy, or desire to put the effort into finding someone and having a relationship. I put my relationship efforts into my kids.

That's not to say, I don't have a life---I take classes, have dinner with friends, entertain at home, volunteer at the sr. center. I enjoy my life but it just doesn't have room in it at the moment for someone else.

Especially a divorced dad with kids--who would be my target population. I have no desire to deal with their ex wife and kids and I have no desire for them to deal with my ex and my kids.

When the kids are out of the house, I'll consider dating.

I agree.

Then why are both of you on a relationship blog if you wish to remain single? And why encourage a woman who does want a relationship to not even try? Go off and be single.

[Anonymous]

I'm 33 with 1 kid and date from late 20s to 40/41. I meet guys through work, travelling, through friends and going out, and online (though I've spent little time online the past couple years). I primarily meet guys with 0-1 kid which is ideal for me, particularly those with onlies. I'm taking a taking break for a couple months because I'm working insane hours currently, but plan to hop back in around October.

[Anonymous]

35 is v young. My best friend divorced at 33 with 1 child, today is 36 in a committed relationship with a man who is her age (no previous marriage or kids) and adores both of them and is of a different race. She's very educated and financially ind.

They are very happy. Her ex is crazy. And unfortunately dragged out the divorce to torture her and never paid any child support etc. He's a very messy factor in her life is, always bailing on kid and making my friends life tough with custody etc.

But point is she moved on happily.

I will this this, despite her having found someone and being happy her child has gone through a lot emotionally and I feel it would have been healthier If her one constant (mom) didn't move on so quickly. She was 5 at the time of separation. Teachers have talked to mom abt it, I've seen her talk to my dad abt it, and she cries a lot. She has hated the divorce and seeing mom and dad start over and not understanding who her family is. I feel like when kids are young and go thru divorce parents do need to be selfless and make sure they are ready for their parents to move on.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to date but don't introduce the guy to your kids until you know him really, really well. My BF met a great guy and didn't introduce him to her kids for a whole year (she wanted to make sure it was going to be lasting). But now he is very integrated into their lives and it's clear it's a permanent relationship.

I'm paranoid about child predators, so I would be extremely cautious about if and when I introduced the guy to my kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm 34 with one kid and have been single for just over a year. I married right out of college and never really dated much so I've been enjoying my newfound freedom. I mostly date younger guys for fun and date guys in their 30's-40's that interest me. FWB arrangements can be nice too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My BMI is under 25 but I don't want to date someone that cares about something like that.

Yeah sure it is, fatty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would date a 35 yr old divorced mother of 2 if -- she was emotionally stable, she had built healthy boundaries with her X, she had a BMI <25, she didn't make me treat her like a helpless princess, she was open minded about my politics & life choices, and she still knew how to enjoy life! Don't give up!

I make $175K, own the house, can run the household, have very clear boundaries with the ex, and I'm willing to discuss politics. I have no idea what you mean by life choices. My BMI is under 25 but I don't want to date someone that cares about something like that.

Please. I'm a woman and I wouldn't want to date a heavily overweight man. You can make however much money you want but at the end of the day most people want some measure of intimacy in a romantic relationship.

We're talking about mature adults here, what's the point of not being upfront?

[Anonymous]

Guy: just have fun for a while and date - there are amazing people out there ( yes - and douches)
I'd be very reluctant to bring someone else into my kids lives or tie myself legally to someone else again.
But there are lots of people in your position and you can be choosey and set your terms.
You only have one life

[Anonymous]

A woman with a BMI undert 25 is considered skinny.
Between 25-29 is medium (size 8-12), as most adult women are size 14-16. So basically a woman has to be a size 6 or smaller to be dateable???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would date a 35 yr old divorced mother of 2 if -- she was emotionally stable, she had built healthy boundaries with her X, she had a BMI <25, she didn't make me treat her like a helpless princess, she was open minded about my politics & life choices, and she still knew how to enjoy life! Don't give up!

I make $175K, own the house, can run the household, have very clear boundaries with the ex, and I'm willing to discuss politics. I have no idea what you mean by life choices. My BMI is under 25 but I don't want to date someone that cares about something like that.

Please. I'm a woman and I wouldn't want to date a heavily overweight man. You can make however much money you want but at the end of the day most people want some measure of intimacy in a romantic relationship.

We're talking about mature adults here, what's the point of not being upfront?

Rich man gets hot girl , weight doesn't matter for man those are the rules

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman with a BMI undert 25 is considered skinny.
Between 25-29 is medium (size 8-12), as most adult women are size 14-16. So basically a woman has to be a size 6 or smaller to be dateable???

Most adult women in their 30s are not size 14 and above .