IL conversation: ask for it to stop, or let it go?

[Anonymous]

My parents rent a minivan when they visit us for that reason. Maybe suggest it to your inlaws?

[Anonymous]

Actually, minivans tend to get better gas mileage than similarly-sized SUVs. I assume you're driving a compact SUV or crossover if you're thinking that.

I would just nod and smile and deflect. You're not going to buy a minivan, them saying you should buy one isn't really hurting you in anyway, so just let it go.

[Anonymous]

"The kids would love to ride with you. I'll go switch the car seats right now."

Then you and your husband enjoy a quiet, whine-free drive while the grandparents reap the benefit of all that togetherness they've been craving.

[Anonymous]

I would say: We can't really afford a minivan right now. As long as it's somewhat true. My MIL kept bugging me about something similar and after I said this she never mentioned it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say: We can't really afford a minivan right now. As long as it's somewhat true. My MIL kept bugging me about something similar and after I said this she never mentioned it again.

OP here. That seems like an easy way out, but:
a) It's not true and I won't lie
b) She'll take that as an invitation to discuss our finances
c) She gossips in a "well meaning way" with and about family, and I'm sure word would get out that "Jim and Larla are struggling financially."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say: We can't really afford a minivan right now. As long as it's somewhat true. My MIL kept bugging me about something similar and after I said this she never mentioned it again.

OP here. That seems like an easy way out, but:
a) It's not true and I won't lie
b) She'll take that as an invitation to discuss our finances
c) She gossips in a "well meaning way" with and about family, and I'm sure word would get out that "Jim and Larla are struggling financially."

What not just say: "We don't want a minivan. We don't like them."

Because that's the short and the long of it, right?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they want a designated driver when you all go out to dinner?

[Anonymous]

I would either rent a mini-van when they come (if you have the funds) or take the other PPs advice and split up the grandparents and grandkids between the cars and have you and your DH drive.

In my case, my parents had a very hard time getting in and out of SUVs + the driving issues. They also would not let anything go, so I doubt you are going to free yourself of the issue until you find a solution that puts them in the car with the kids and with you driving.

[Anonymous]

Say: we rented this minivan just for your visit because we know you love them so much and we can all be together. At the end of the visit, you can say, "sorry still don't like the minivan but since it helps us all be together we can rent one everytime you visit."

[Anonymous]

I would just let it go. Say something like, we will think about it for the next time we need a new car! You could say 'I know it's a shame we can't all fit, you mentioned that last time too' Not really worth getting into an argument over.

Do they drive to you when you come visit? Maybe you could suggest they THEY buy a minivan!

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs to address this by shifting who rides in what vehicles. Assume they are being honest that they want time with the kids and that there may also be another issue like discomfort with driving in your area, difficulty getting in and out of the SUV, etc. So you and DH just split up to drive the 2 vehicles.

if the SUV is big enough in anyway to fit 3 adults, ideally by putting one carseat in the middle, then just have DH take the SUV with the kids and his parents and you take the other vehicle - you could even leave earlier in the other vehicle to knock out an errand on the way to dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PPs to address this by shifting who rides in what vehicles. Assume they are being honest that they want time with the kids and that there may also be another issue like discomfort with driving in your area, difficulty getting in and out of the SUV, etc. So you and DH just split up to drive the 2 vehicles.

if the SUV is big enough in anyway to fit 3 adults, ideally by putting one carseat in the middle, then just have DH take the SUV with the kids and his parents and you take the other vehicle - you could even leave earlier in the other vehicle to knock out an errand on the way to dinner.

And if that doesn't do it, when they raise the issue, say, "You keep telling us to buy a minivan. We keep saying no. I'd rather talk about something else, wouldn't you?"

[Anonymous]

I would laugh and remind them that they are not part of your nuclear family. They sound like whiny jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genuinely asking as I generally like my FIL and MIL, and the point of this question is to maintain our good relationship. Don't need to be told about your dead MIL and how you miss her, or reminded that I will be MIL someday. TIA.

Every time we see my ILs--every 6-8 weeks or so--they complain about our SUV. Because it's an SUV, it only fits DH and I up front, and the kids in their carseats in the back. MIL in particular insists EVERY time we see her that we get a minivan "so we can go places together as a family." We're not even out and about THAT much when they visit--we usually go to a park, maybe one restaurant, maybe church. And everything is pretty local, so we're talking a 10 minute car trip, tops, and they both know how to use navigation devices, so getting there is never a problem or the point.

She just wants "to spend more time with the kids" and FIL is always shaking his head that we are wasting gas by taking two vehicles. (And yet he doesn't see my point that it would waste MORE gas if I had to drive to work every day in a larger minivan that would consume more gas, and that getting a bigger, "gas-ier" car for the sole purpose of visitors would be overall wasteful.)

Bottom line, of course we're not getting a minivan for this purpose. No thanks, don't want to spend the money, or waste the gas, or drive something a lot clunkier just because you visit a few times a year!

So...do I just ignore this line of conversation? Respond to it with our points/decision each time? Or tell them once and for all "We are not getting a new vechicle to satisfy you, please do not bring this up again, we won't discuss it further?"

I know it's generally harmless, but it is EVERY time, and they honestly seem put out about the whole thing!

I freaking love this. I'm going to start every post with this.

[Anonymous]

"Our wedding vows included promises to one another that we would never own a minivan because we hate them. Ready for church? See you there!"

"I will tell you a secret. We hate minivans and won't be buying one. Ready for dinner?"

"Not sure which one of us hates minivans more, your son or me. Mashed turnips?"

Shut. It. Down.