How to help DD who is being teased.

[Anonymous]

If DD can make it through the last few days of school I would let it go for this year.

However, I would ABSOLUTELY email the school counselor (cc the principal) detailing what's been happening and request that Bozo not be placed in class with DD next school year (and follow up before the end of the school year if you don't receive a response). I would also email the counselor several days before school resumes in August saying something like, "I appreciate your help keeping Larla and Bozo in separate classes this year. As I mentioned in my last email she endured relentless teasing/harassment last school year and it affected her happiness and self-esteem in and out of school. I would be happy to meet with you if you feel we should discuss this further. Larla is looking forward to a fresh start for the 2015-2016 school year and we greatly appreciate your help."

[Anonymous]

^^ BTW- I'm a former school counselor and would have received (and honored) many similar requests in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DD can make it through the last few days of school I would let it go for this year.

However, I would ABSOLUTELY email the school counselor (cc the principal) detailing what's been happening and request that Bozo not be placed in class with DD next school year (and follow up before the end of the school year if you don't receive a response). I would also email the counselor several days before school resumes in August saying something like, "I appreciate your help keeping Larla and Bozo in separate classes this year. As I mentioned in my last email she endured relentless teasing/harassment last school year and it affected her happiness and self-esteem in and out of school. I would be happy to meet with you if you feel we should discuss this further. Larla is looking forward to a fresh start for the 2015-2016 school year and we greatly appreciate your help."

This is a good idea. Plus, you need to teach your daughter to deal with teasing in general, not because it is her fault, but because there is going to be teasing and mean people throughout her life, and she needs to learn to stand up for herself and deflect the behavior. There have been some great ideas mentioned.

[Anonymous]

A sense of humor is a great defense. Unfortunately I was never witty enough with retorts when I was bullied. But I saw others defuse the situations with humor. Not sure if that's an option for her.

Either way, I do think you should contact the school.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to ignore him. This kid is looking for a response and any response, even if it's a good comeback, is just fuel for the fire. The best response is no response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to ignore him. This kid is looking for a response and any response, even if it's a good comeback, is just fuel for the fire. The best response is no response.

As someone who was bullied all of middle school, I disagree. I suppose it might work in some circumstances, but I think that's the exception. Ignoring the insults did no good for me and actually made me feel like I had zero power or control over the situation.

[Anonymous]

Have her older brothers talk to him.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you, thank you, thank you. All of these have been such wonderful and thoughtful responses. I would like to give you all a big, virtual hug right now for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Even the lawyer up person... which we won't be doing, but thanks anyway!

She seemed to be feeling better about everything today and I asked once more if she'd like me to contact the teacher/counselor, etc. She was as adamant as ever that she definitely doesn't want me to say a word. So I've decided to merge some of the PPs' advice - I'm going to let it go since we're almost through with the school year, but I'm going to tell her that if this starts up again in the fall, I'll have to speak with the school about it. Hopefully, the boy will either grow up over the summer, or lose interest in teasing my daughter (or both).

Again - many thanks!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you, thank you, thank you. All of these have been such wonderful and thoughtful responses. I would like to give you all a big, virtual hug right now for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Even the lawyer up person... which we won't be doing, but thanks anyway!

She seemed to be feeling better about everything today and I asked once more if she'd like me to contact the teacher/counselor, etc. She was as adamant as ever that she definitely doesn't want me to say a word. So I've decided to merge some of the PPs' advice - I'm going to let it go since we're almost through with the school year, but I'm going to tell her that if this starts up again in the fall, I'll have to speak with the school about it. Hopefully, the boy will either grow up over the summer, or lose interest in teasing my daughter (or both).

Again - many thanks!!!

Good luck to you and your DD. I am sure that it will be fine. In addition to the approach to have decided to take (which is good), it might be appropriate to coach your DD on some "standing up for yourself" skills also. So many kids will not do it because they don't want to get in trouble - but it is totally appopriate for her to take a verbal stand.

Signed:

Former MS teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you, thank you, thank you. All of these have been such wonderful and thoughtful responses. I would like to give you all a big, virtual hug right now for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Even the lawyer up person... which we won't be doing, but thanks anyway!

She seemed to be feeling better about everything today and I asked once more if she'd like me to contact the teacher/counselor, etc. She was as adamant as ever that she definitely doesn't want me to say a word. So I've decided to merge some of the PPs' advice - I'm going to let it go since we're almost through with the school year, but I'm going to tell her that if this starts up again in the fall, I'll have to speak with the school about it. Hopefully, the boy will either grow up over the summer, or lose interest in teasing my daughter (or both).

Again - many thanks!!!

I would also endorse asking the school counselor to make sure they do not share classes in the fall. It is an innocuous way to create some space for your child and it is not a consequence that the bully will tie back to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT leave it up to your child. This is beyond typical. This type of activity will stress a child out beyond what you are seeing. It will keep her from wanting to participate in class because she's afraid that she'll be a target. E-mail the teacher and nip this in the bud. Make it very clear to that bratt that your kid is off limits. I had to do this for my DD on three occasions and so glad that I did.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you, thank you, thank you. All of these have been such wonderful and thoughtful responses. I would like to give you all a big, virtual hug right now for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Even the lawyer up person... which we won't be doing, but thanks anyway!

She seemed to be feeling better about everything today and I asked once more if she'd like me to contact the teacher/counselor, etc. She was as adamant as ever that she definitely doesn't want me to say a word. So I've decided to merge some of the PPs' advice - I'm going to let it go since we're almost through with the school year, but I'm going to tell her that if this starts up again in the fall, I'll have to speak with the school about it. Hopefully, the boy will either grow up over the summer, or lose interest in teasing my daughter (or both).

Again - many thanks!!!

I would also endorse asking the school counselor to make sure they do not share classes in the fall. It is an innocuous way to create some space for your child and it is not a consequence that the bully will tie back to your child.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

You have had good advice but I would also be asking why he is doing this. Does he actually like your daughter, or the boy in question? Not being able to express himself on those issues may be causing him to act like this.

Not that this in any way condones it, I just always try to find some sense of the motivation - it does help you dealing with the consequences of the motivation sometimes.

Best of luck. Teasing is horrible and its a thin line between that and bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have had good advice but I would also be asking why he is doing this. Does he actually like your daughter, or the boy in question? Not being able to express himself on those issues may be causing him to act like this.

Not that this in any way condones it, I just always try to find some sense of the motivation - it does help you dealing with the consequences of the motivation sometimes.

Best of luck. Teasing is horrible and its a thin line between that and bullying.

I asked a fourth-grade bully that very question. He told me that he did it because he thought it was funny. He had no clue that those kids were hurt by his words. He was one of my students from a mentorship/tutoring program, first generation American. I had met his mom and I seriously doubt that she was aware. One of the things that got to me was that he was teasing classmates for wearing glasses. I found out because I observed him teasing another kid that I tutor alongside him for wearing glasses. Next thing I know, that kid is taking off his glasses. Boy did I give him a hard time!