When your teen is in a relationship and is heading off to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And on the other hand, my roommate dumped her long-distance boyfriend midway through fall semester, freshman year. That was very common among people in my dorm. Leave it up to her.

Haha, was just about to post my story about how I broke up with my high school boyfriend midway through fall semester freshman year. Having that distance can give a certain amount of clarity -- either you miss the person and what you're giving up to be with them doesn't feel like much of a sacrifice, or it does feel like a sacrifice and you end up breaking up because you don't want to make it. For now, I'd tell her that if she's enjoying the relationship, there's no need to make big decisions now. Make those big decisions when your emotions tell you to, because there are stories that turn out every which way.

+1 They will figure it out as they go along. There is no reason to have a clean break if their feelings are not supporting it. It will work itself out as time passes and the decision really needs to be made by them and no one else.

[Anonymous]

We used to call these "hometown honeys" and most ended by Thanksgiving break.

Your DD will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clean break.

+1
I so wish I had made a clean break when I left for college. I was so naive, thinking I'd be with my boyfriend forever; in the meantime, I wasted two years at college when I could have been dating others, while boyfriend cheated on me. It really did a number on me. Would have been so much better to have happy high school memories and just move on when it came time for college. Instead, I'm left with bitter memories of him. But that was just my experience... others have had more successful long-distance relationships, of course.

+100

[Anonymous]

Let nature take its course. Do not give her advice.

[Anonymous]

When I started college I was dating a Marine. I was also running track at my school, so I had limited time to go visit him (he was stationed almost 700 miles away). He ended up deploying halfway through my freshman year and an additional 3 times after.

I had a normal student athlete life, basing my days around training. Having someone long distance made it easier for me to focus because I wasn't constantly trying to spend time with him, I often could not sit up late talking to him, and any time I spent with him was planned in advance and only occurred on the major breaks since I had to fly out. It definitely made it easier to keep my academics in order as well as my athletics. I had no desire to go out partying because I had bigger things going on. I still went out here and there, but I didn't get super drunk and bring home random guys.

I realize my experience is different from the typical college kid with the boyfriend at home, but it worked well for me. We were together for 6 years, he is still one of my best friends, and we are both marrying other people now. It was a very healthy and positive relationship and I am glad that I put the effort into it and learning to be happy and capable on my own while still having someone to feel connected to.

If your daughter is happy with her boyfriend, there is no reason why she shouldn't maintain the relationship. She will learn a lot about her values, moral code, and trust by experiencing a long distance relationship. I have never once felt like I missed out and am proud of the life that I lived while I was a student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell her it is her first big decision towards becoming an adult. Lay out pros/cons, but it's her decision, not yours.

This! Sometimes there aren't any easy answers. That's what adults deal with all of the time. This is just the start of that. Be supportive, but let her make the decision.