Grade slipping in a 13 yo.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We had a talk about it yesterday. She knows she screwed up. She did not make excuses. And she did try to recover. She made up all missed work that the teachers would accept. (in english, the teacher said things were too late).

We did take away the phone (at home) to make sure she got her work done. I believe it was a confluence of events: effort to prepare for the Bat Mitzvah, daydreaming about her first crush, and I was on travel for two weeks (my DW barks orders but has no followthrough on discipline).

I actually think she was also experimenting on what happens if she did no work -- she found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a talk about it yesterday. She knows she screwed up. She did not make excuses. And she did try to recover. She made up all missed work that the teachers would accept. (in english, the teacher said things were too late).

We did take away the phone (at home) to make sure she got her work done. I believe it was a confluence of events: effort to prepare for the Bat Mitzvah, daydreaming about her first crush, and I was on travel for two weeks (my DW barks orders but has no followthrough on discipline).

I actually think she was also experimenting on what happens if she did no work -- she found out.

Then it is done at this point but I would follow up on grades to make sure she is keeping up. And I agree that it is a really hard time at 13. My perfect outgoing smart daughter turned into a hormonal roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Good job, OP. Sounds like you have a terrific kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely restrict privileges and let her know that this is not okay with you for any reason. It is never okay to let your grades slip and millions of kids every year manage to keep up with their school work while prepping for their Bar Mitzvahs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely restrict privileges and let her know that this is not okay with you for any reason. It is never okay to let your grades slip and millions of kids every year manage to keep up with their school work while prepping for their Bar Mitzvahs.

OP here. I am pretty sure this is not correct. There are not millions of kids each year getting Bar/Bat Mitzvah's. Given there are about 7 million jews in the USA, assuming an average lifespan of 80 years, but not every kid has one, I would be surprised if more than 100,000 kids a year are Bar/Bat Mitzvah'd.

[Anonymous]

I would handle it the same way you did, OP. I would also suggest that she email the schedule for tests/projects on Sunday night if you are going to be gone, and talk for a few minutes after school while you are traveling, that way you can be the listening ear as she sorts out what she's going to do that afternoon, prioritizes due dates/length of time to complete, and decides what order to do the things that day. If it were me, I would be careful about not directly reminding her about a project due Friday when she doesn't mention it Monday, but if she hasn't said anything about it by Wednesday, then I would say something like, "Hey DD, didn't you email me Sunday that you have something due Friday for History?" She may decide to do it all on Thursday, but you'll stay in the loop, and she will be able to feel more organized if she can talk it out. The single best thing I've found for not forgetting completed homework at home is to have the backpack in a location next to wherever she does the homework, that way she doesn't have everything spread out all at once, nothing will fall on the floor, and it's more likely to go straight back into the bag when it's done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would handle it the same way you did, OP. I would also suggest that she email the schedule for tests/projects on Sunday night if you are going to be gone, and talk for a few minutes after school while you are traveling, that way you can be the listening ear as she sorts out what she's going to do that afternoon, prioritizes due dates/length of time to complete, and decides what order to do the things that day. If it were me, I would be careful about not directly reminding her about a project due Friday when she doesn't mention it Monday, but if she hasn't said anything about it by Wednesday, then I would say something like, "Hey DD, didn't you email me Sunday that you have something due Friday for History?" She may decide to do it all on Thursday, but you'll stay in the loop, and she will be able to feel more organized if she can talk it out. The single best thing I've found for not forgetting completed homework at home is to have the backpack in a location next to wherever she does the homework, that way she doesn't have everything spread out all at once, nothing will fall on the floor, and it's more likely to go straight back into the bag when it's done.

Oh, and it will also give her the opportunity to sort out the after school activity/homework schedule, and see how much time she really has for the homework.

[Anonymous]

For what it is worth, my DS had a bar mitzvah this year and the weeks leading up to it had crazy other things - school papers, a theater performance etc. Grades slipped, but we understood there was a lot going on. Recovered by the end of the school year so lesson learned. Sounds like the same for OP DD.

I wouldn't worry about it, but would monitor for the early part of the coming school year.

[Anonymous]

She is exiting the age when she can control this.

Did you contribute to the pre-batmitzvah slacking?

I'd have a talk and tell her that the work can't slip next year.

However, I note that not all kids get great grades, and it isn't just about parenting.