1st grade girl drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What school?

This is happening at every DMV school everyday.

Why does is matter what school?

8 girls out of 24?

[Anonymous]

Email the teacher to see her in person. Then tell her in person.

[Anonymous]

check yourself a bit. you truly sound to me like you are going to make this worse for your daughter. maybe tough to hear but true possibly?

1. Don't name this "mean girl" behavior. Some of this is just plain normal social dynamics of six-year-olds
2. Listen to your child and show empathy, but don't cast her as a victim, but rather provide her with some positive solutions to this - like suggesting she play with the other kids.
3. Don't think of this behavior or exclusion as permanent -- this can come and go in waves
4. Seek out the advice of the school counselor for ideas on helping your daughter help herself.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, 8 girls out of 23. I was shocked too. My daughter does play with the boys, but I didn't mention them because they are not the ones excluding her.

I called the counselor today and also had lunch with my daughter today, where I quickly gave the teacher a heads up. I did not make it sound like a big deal to either of them, more of just a "hey, can you keep your eyes open" kind of thing. I did not mention any of this to my daughter.

We'll see what happens. I've had lunch there twice now and frankly did not see or hear anyone being "mean." But I also don't want to dismiss my daughters feelings either.

[Anonymous]

You may want to check out:

Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades

I am not saying these little girls are bullies, but this gives practical advice for how to teach your daughter to deal with challening social situations.

Also, you may want to ask your daughter who from her new class she would like to invite over for a playdate, this may just be a matter of giving her some one on one time to get to know the other girls in her class.

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you for intervening. I would bet the teacher is already well aware of who the instigators are.

If the accusations are accurate, I wouldn't hesitate to name names. If you don't know if the accusations are accurate, hold off, so you don't get your DD deeper into issues.

PP, we are at an AAP center also, and there have been the same exact instigators since first grade (well before AAP started for them). AAP is not a factor, but the parents are absolutely a factor. Turns out, the worst offender has antisocial and overly rigid parents, among other things - which certainly does not help their child.

It's a PITA. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am up for emailing the teacher/counselor, but I'm kind of at a loss for the best way to phrase it. I don't want to seem like I am attacking the other girls or being dramatic. Can anyone suggest how to phrase it? I don't know the teacher very well yet. She has a good reputation at the school but is younger (6th year teaching) and single/childless.

FWIW, my DD had a fantastic group of girls in her class last year (same school) - NO cliques - but sadly they ALL have other teachers this year (5 total.)

Have you tried to get her to handle it herself? Like say to the girls: hey you are leaving me out and that's against school rules! If that fails, then contact the teacher. No doubt that leaving someone out of playtime is against school rules. Its against my school's rules. Its considered a form of bullying. If the teacher ignores you, take it to the next level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am up for emailing the teacher/counselor, but I'm kind of at a loss for the best way to phrase it. I don't want to seem like I am attacking the other girls or being dramatic. Can anyone suggest how to phrase it? I don't know the teacher very well yet. She has a good reputation at the school but is younger (6th year teaching) and single/childless.

FWIW, my DD had a fantastic group of girls in her class last year (same school) - NO cliques - but sadly they ALL have other teachers this year (5 total.)

I would be direct- explain what is happening without too much emotion and that it's upsetting your daughter. I would ask the teacher or counselor if they could monitor the situation and lthat you will check back in within a few weeks.
We had a situation last year where a kid was really unkind to DS. It was almost, but not quite, bullying. I just asked the teacher to keep an eye out--but like you, I didn't want to go over the top. It got better (not perfect) as the school year went on- it helped that the teacher worked with my DS on how to handle himself and stand up for himself. That was a longer lasting effect than simply correcting the other boy.

[Anonymous]

Tell the teacher that DD feels excluded and is having trouble making friends. Ask the teacher to keep an eye out and to let you know what you can do to help your DD through this transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Email the teacher to see her in person. Then tell her in person.

+100000

Go get 'em, OP!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wouldn't waste any time and be direct about it. Why let your daughter be miserable? Its affecting you too. She should try to handle it first, though and if that doesn't work then talk to the teacher. You'd be amazed how quickly things turn around for them when the teacher tells them to knock it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let the teacher know and maybe also let the school counselor know. It is early, but if they have lunch bunches or something similar, they will have your daughter on their radar screen.

Totally agree. You might also try joining your DD for lunch once a week if you can swing it. At that age, all the kids clamor for adult attention and some of your glamor will cover her when you're not there.

That's a great advice about coming to lunch.

I'll also point out at my DC's school, the teaching assistant, not the teacher is the person who joins them for lunch, so make sure this person is also in the loop in case they have more lunch room duty. At my DC's school, lunch is with more than on classroom, so by going, you may get a handle on whether there are any other tables with kids, to help DD reach out outside of her "classroom clique."

I'd also emphasize helping your DD identify kind versus popular behavior. Read some books about this with her. Enroll her in an activity in which she can meet more friends who aren't at school with her. Emphasize that she cannot control others' behavior, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let the teacher know and maybe also let the school counselor know. It is early, but if they have lunch bunches or something similar, they will have your daughter on their radar screen.

Totally agree. You might also try joining your DD for lunch once a week if you can swing it. At that age, all the kids clamor for adult attention and some of your glamor will cover her when you're not there.

That's a great advice about coming to lunch.

I'll also point out at my DC's school, the teaching assistant, not the teacher is the person who joins them for lunch, so make sure this person is also in the loop in case they have more lunch room duty. At my DC's school, lunch is with more than on classroom, so by going, you may get a handle on whether there are any other tables with kids, to help DD reach out outside of her "classroom clique."

I'd also emphasize helping your DD identify kind versus popular behavior. Read some books about this with her. Enroll her in an activity in which she can meet more friends who aren't at school with her. Emphasize that she cannot control others' behavior, too.

Your school has a teaching assistant in 1st grade?