Future MIL (doesn't care for me) Mother's Day Question

[Anonymous]

I would let him deal with that. You are lucky to have a man who stands up for you. Leave the ball in his court.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone! I am quite pleased by him standing by my side. He initially was giving her the benefit of the doubt, "Oh, maybe that's not what she meant" when words were beyond clear. As she continued there was no doubt and he has made it clear that her behavior is unacceptable and I appreciate that! My thought in contacting her was to just send a kind message wishing her a happy Mother's Day, even though she was quite rude and negative to me. I will let him handle it and not make any initial gestures, and I would never do it without his approval. The family event will be interesting! To answer a question, no he has not been married before, in fact I am the first person he's lived with and we recently bought our first home together. Thanks again everyone!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would tell your man that you want to send his mom flowers for Mother's Day - from him. Then do it.

Later he can say, "Larla insisted I do it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes numerous times with my in-laws. 8 years of marriage. It will not get easier but you do have your husband backing you up which is honestly amazing! My in-laws are in their third time out for being hateful to me, and recently I kept urging reconciliation from my husband. He kept saying no and finally admitted that they have not and will not contact him. His last text to them was asking them how they were going to apologize or make things right with me. That was two months ago and nothing since. He has stated that since they aren't trying neither is he. Heck last time we went through this the mother emailed and called,often, but my husband ignored her for about 5 months until she and I ran into each other and worked things out, or so I thought.

Here is what I advise. I advise that you let your husband handle all contact at this point, as you two need to be presented as a united front. He is backing you up and standing his ground on how his wife should be treated.He is stating that he is not going to stand for this poor behavior towards you. Kudos for him! Huge Kudos! You are essentially undermining him if you send a card in the mail to her. Once you *all* reach reconciliation, then yes it's fine to send a card, together, as a united front!

Whew, good luck! Those mils are peaches huh?

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Let him figure it out, and be glad he is putting you first and setting boundaries with his crazy mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would tell your man that you want to send his mom flowers for Mother's Day - from him. Then do it.

Later he can say, "Larla insisted I do it".

No. Just No.

[Anonymous]

++ letting him deal with his own mom, especially since he is backing you up. I am willing to make allowances for family to a point however she sounds very much out of line. Let him handle it. If he wants to send her a card or whatever he is able to do so IMO.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, though his mother may not be a peach, you both sound lucky to have found each other. He's got a woman who is so supportive of family that she's encouraging reconciliation with the future MIL who has spoken up against her, and you've got a man who is standing up for you against his family when they behave badly towards you. It's rare that too really good, kind, level-headed people who are willing to forgive, compromise, and value family (but not at the exception of their relationship) find each other. Sounds like you'll have a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Some friends have hellish inlaws similar to your mil. And those friends bend over backwards or make a connection. I think if it is that extreme be cordial and he should reach out occasionally. But don't sweat it. She probably loves the drama and gossip stemming from this. It's nothing you can fix or help.

[Anonymous]

Count your lucky stars and keep your trap shut. I have a good friend who has never gotten along with her in-laws. The in-laws basically ignored she and her husband for years all while touting their commitment to family. The in-laws would do things like accept an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner and then not show up. Or they would come to the city where my friend and husband lived and not visit their son and DIL. My friend would insist on calling out the in-laws over their poor behavior. I told her over and over to shut it. She doesn't like them, they don't like her, leave well enough alone and don't see them. Nope. She kept right on calling them out and now the in-laws travel to their city and stay for weeks on end. She basically shamed them into spending time with their son and his family. Months will go by and she is stuck with the in-laws all day every day.