Are 50+ women happier alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like it's a big conspiracy to rope women into taking care of men. But I wonder, why aren't we raising our men to take care of women and share 50/50 in life/houswork? Where is the disconnect? Surely these men were raised by women.

Many men regard marriage as a big conspiracy to eliminate their personal freedom and make them pay for everything. And then the woman divorces you, takes all your money, and whores it up with some other man.

Does it surprise you that men don't want to sign up for this when, on top of everything I described above, the female attitude is "oh by the way you should do more housework, too"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like it's a big conspiracy to rope women into taking care of men. But I wonder, why aren't we raising our men to take care of women and share 50/50 in life/houswork? Where is the disconnect? Surely these men were raised by women.

Many men regard marriage as a big conspiracy to eliminate their personal freedom and make them pay for everything. And then the woman divorces you, takes all your money, and whores it up with some other man.

Does it surprise you that men don't want to sign up for this when, on top of everything I described above, the female attitude is "oh by the way you should do more housework, too"?

Sounds like we are all in agreement here ... women AND men in their fifties would be happy with some years of independence. We've done the family and children and togetherness thing and now would just like some peace on our own terms. We can still be good friends, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like it's a big conspiracy to rope women into taking care of men. But I wonder, why aren't we raising our men to take care of women and share 50/50 in life/houswork? Where is the disconnect? Surely these men were raised by women.

Many men regard marriage as a big conspiracy to eliminate their personal freedom and make them pay for everything. And then the woman divorces you, takes all your money, and whores it up with some other man.

Does it surprise you that men don't want to sign up for this when, on top of everything I described above, the female attitude is "oh by the way you should do more housework, too"?

I whored it up with more than one man.

God bless America!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like it's a big conspiracy to rope women into taking care of men. But I wonder, why aren't we raising our men to take care of women and share 50/50 in life/houswork? Where is the disconnect? Surely these men were raised by women.

Have you noticed how women treat their boy children? Especially as compared with girl children.

[Anonymous]

You do realize this is highly dependent on the population you pose the question to? Women who have gotten out of bad marriages to childish men probably are happier to NOT be in those relationships anymore. I suspect if a bunch of women who have been married for 20+ years were answering they'd say they're happier to have partners as they enter the empty nest years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like it's a big conspiracy to rope women into taking care of men. But I wonder, why aren't we raising our men to take care of women and share 50/50 in life/houswork? Where is the disconnect? Surely these men were raised by women.

Many men regard marriage as a big conspiracy to eliminate their personal freedom and make them pay for everything. And then the woman divorces you, takes all your money, and whores it up with some other man.

Does it surprise you that men don't want to sign up for this when, on top of everything I described above, the female attitude is "oh by the way you should do more housework, too"?

PP here who first used the term "conspiracy."

I make 3x what my DH does. No danger of him paying for everything here.

Many women make the same as, or more than their husbands. Take a look around, and get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize this is highly dependent on the population you pose the question to? Women who have gotten out of bad marriages to childish men probably are happier to NOT be in those relationships anymore. I suspect if a bunch of women who have been married for 20+ years were answering they'd say they're happier to have partners as they enter the empty nest years.

10:00 here. I have been (mostly) happily married for 20+ years.

I would never marry again, though.

[Anonymous]

I find this thread really interesting. It makes me wonder if women in marriages that did not produce children might be more inclined to remarry after divorce or death of their spouse. Is it having children in a marriage that makes the whole marriage experience so grueling that many woman would rather be single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are, but they aren't. Many of my friends are childless single women in their fifties. They like the ability to come and go as they please, but they are TERRIFIED of what happens as they get old and sick. Many don't have much left in the way of family. Who looks in on them? Money can only pay for so much, and what if you go gaga?

I am divorced in my 40s, but am an only child and have one child. I worry about this as well.

We have semi-seriously agreed that we will buy an old-lady house somewhere when we're all retired and live like the Golden Girls.

Women live longer than men. Even married/remarried women end up alone at the end, unless they marry men 10 years younger.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are getting to 50. Very happy that we married each other. Some rough years were there but we are better off with each other rather than without.

We give each other space though and look after each other - that is important.

[Anonymous]

I've been with dh since I was in my mid 20's. I'm 48 now. I can't imagine being without him. I don't want to imagine that.

[Anonymous]

My Mother was widowed at 51. She made it clear that she would never EVER remarry. At 81, she's now been widowed for more years than she was married and she's never been happier.

I myself am happily married at 47 and couldn't imagine myself without DH. OTOH, after he goes to heaven, I'll never EVER marry again because I couldn't put up with the habits of most of DH's peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread really interesting. It makes me wonder if women in marriages that did not produce children might be more inclined to remarry after divorce or death of their spouse. Is it having children in a marriage that makes the whole marriage experience so grueling that many woman would rather be single?

It's not that having kids makes marriage so much more grueling. But it is a very different dynamic. When you raise kids together, have that long history together and the grandchildren start to come along it just isn't easy to picture yourself bringing another man (an outsider) into that picture.

[Anonymous]

Most men are not caregivers, especially when they are older. They expect women to care for them, but will most likely not return the favor.

I wouldn't marry with the expectation of having someone take care of me.

When I'm sick, my DH takes care of me (he actually stayed home a couple of times). But if I had a long term illness, I don't think he would. I'd rather have low expectations and be surprised than the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread really interesting. It makes me wonder if women in marriages that did not produce children might be more inclined to remarry after divorce or death of their spouse. Is it having children in a marriage that makes the whole marriage experience so grueling that many woman would rather be single?

It's not that having kids makes marriage so much more grueling. But it is a very different dynamic. When you raise kids together, have that long history together and the grandchildren start to come along it just isn't easy to picture yourself bringing another man (an outsider) into that picture.

True! (I'm the 47 yo w/81 yo mom) My mother has many relatives and friends who have BFs but make clear that they won't remarry because they want to save most of their time and all of their estate $$ for kids and grandkids. These are lifelong Catholics who in widowhood (60s/70s/80s) have decided that they enjoy their independence.