Coping With A Break-Up

[Anonymous]

Assuming you are in a position to do this- you should seriously travel. From someone who has BTDT. I completely immersed myself in an unhealthy and abusive relationship for 2 years in my early twenties. When we broke up I wanted to die. I felt so hopelessly broken and I had trouble even getting out of bed for months. I packed up and traveled for 4 months and found parts of myself that I didn't even know existed. It was such a fresh start and really infused my life with meaning and a sense of purpose. It was the best solution for me because everything and everyone I saw around our hometown was just one big constant reminder of my ex and it made me miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not to minimize your situation or pain, but there is not a person on the planet over about age 25 who has not been where you are. Yes, it hurts. We all know that. You will live, as we all did.

Sorry, but your post is loaded with the "poor me, why me" self-indulgence of immaturity and young love.

You're growing up. Move on.

OP, Please do yourself a favor and ignore this heartless and mean-spirited individual. There always has to be that one bad apple in the bunch, doesn't there??

Breaking up is a process. People expect it to be a progressive process and it can be. Just keep in mind it will get better and better and better, then BAM Just when you thought you were almost "there," things get worse. This is normal. There will be some backsliding. Expect it. But trust me, the end result will come and you will wake up on day and be emotionally free of this toxic person in your life. Try not to take any short cuts. You need to take the time to grieve properly. If you try to get around it by cutting corners, you will only be wallowing in pain much longer. Feel your pain. Let it take over you. The harder you hurt, the sooner you will feel relief.

Also, I know it is hard to stop yourself from calling him, but please do not do it. Because if you do, I am 100% positive the outcome will not be in your favor. And you will only erase weeks of emotional progress that you have made. It's like you will be back right where you started at. Is that what you want?

Focus on the things you can do now that you couldn't while you were in a relationship.
Did you spend time w/him when you could have been spending more time at church? With good friends? Enjoying a hobby? Taking a class? Volunteering in your community?

Also, improve yourself.
Try a new hairstyle. Buy some new clothes.

The best revenge you can ever get on an EX is for the break-up to have benefited your life in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, not to minimize your situation or pain, but there is not a person on the planet over about age 25 who has not been where you are. Yes, it hurts. We all know that. You will live, as we all did.

Sorry, but your post is loaded with the "poor me, why me" self-indulgence of immaturity and young love.

You're growing up. Move on.

OP, Please do yourself a favor and ignore this heartless and mean-spirited individual. There always has to be that one bad apple in the bunch, doesn't there??

Breaking up is a process. People expect it to be a progressive process and it can be. Just keep in mind it will get better and better and better, then BAM Just when you thought you were almost "there," things get worse. This is normal. There will be some backsliding. Expect it. But trust me, the end result will come and you will wake up on day and be emotionally free of this toxic person in your life. Try not to take any short cuts. You need to take the time to grieve properly. If you try to get around it by cutting corners, you will only be wallowing in pain much longer. Feel your pain. Let it take over you. The harder you hurt, the sooner you will feel relief.

Also, I know it is hard to stop yourself from calling him, but please do not do it. Because if you do, I am 100% positive the outcome will not be in your favor. And you will only erase weeks of emotional progress that you have made. It's like you will be back right where you started at. Is that what you want?

Focus on the things you can do now that you couldn't while you were in a relationship.
Did you spend time w/him when you could have been spending more time at church? With good friends? Enjoying a hobby? Taking a class? Volunteering in your community?

Also, improve yourself.
Try a new hairstyle. Buy some new clothes.

The best revenge you can ever get on an EX is for the break-up to have benefited your life in the long run.

Wallowing in the issue on DCUM is hardly the answer.

[Anonymous]

I got super into art and joined a social club that had events at museums. Didn't meet anyone to date, but it got me out there socializing and not being so into myself. Few months later, started grad school and keeping busy really helped. Eventually started dating again.

[Anonymous]

My coping method for tough breakups is to have a new man take my mind off things and keep me busy.

[Anonymous]

Congrats, OP!

As others have said, it gets better over time.

Have an activity that is a substitute for contacting him. That could be texting a friend or even posting on DCUM. Every time you want to text or call, just go to your replacement activity (or you could have a few such activities in the rotation).

It will get easier. It’s a chemical addiction and nothing to do with this loser you were very brave and strong to drop.

[Anonymous]

Buy a fun notebook.

Write down all the shitty things he did to you.

Read them when you feel down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, OP!

As others have said, it gets better over time.

Have an activity that is a substitute for contacting him. That could be texting a friend or even posting on DCUM. Every time you want to text or call, just go to your replacement activity (or you could have a few such activities in the rotation).

It will get easier. It’s a chemical addiction and nothing to do with this loser you were very brave and strong to drop.

I’m sure OP appreciates your timely advice after 11 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, OP!

As others have said, it gets better over time.

Have an activity that is a substitute for contacting him. That could be texting a friend or even posting on DCUM. Every time you want to text or call, just go to your replacement activity (or you could have a few such activities in the rotation).

It will get easier. It’s a chemical addiction and nothing to do with this loser you were very brave and strong to drop.

The original post was 11 years ago FFS. Hope she’s over it by now. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, OP!

As others have said, it gets better over time.

Have an activity that is a substitute for contacting him. That could be texting a friend or even posting on DCUM. Every time you want to text or call, just go to your replacement activity (or you could have a few such activities in the rotation).

It will get easier. It’s a chemical addiction and nothing to do with this loser you were very brave and strong to drop.

I’m sure OP appreciates your timely advice after 11 years.

Gah, didn’t notice someone bumped an old thread. Well, I guess it’s timeless advice…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, OP!

As others have said, it gets better over time.

Have an activity that is a substitute for contacting him. That could be texting a friend or even posting on DCUM. Every time you want to text or call, just go to your replacement activity (or you could have a few such activities in the rotation).

It will get easier. It’s a chemical addiction and nothing to do with this loser you were very brave and strong to drop.

The original post was 11 years ago FFS. Hope she’s over it by now. Lol

Hi “Ffs lol,” did you not notice the person above you already made this comment, except without so much snark?

[Anonymous]

If only we could somehow compel the OP to come back and update us on how things turned out. Does she now live in Bethesda with three kids or did she move to California to hopefully catch glimpses of the cad? Inquiring minds want to know.

[Anonymous]

Time, and you can’t hurry time. Just try and keep yourself busy.

[Anonymous]

Loneliness is very hard to deal with. My ex put me through hell during divorce… and to divorce him was a relief… but what’s almost worse than the relief that comes from leaving a toxic person is the crushing silence of being alone. Sure, you can go out, you can exercise, you can cook, shop, hang out with friends. But loneliness doesn’t go away. It’s there. It’s what’s making you look at your phone and wonder if he’s missing you. You don’t miss him. You hate being lonely. At some point we all must learn to love ourselves and accept being alone - whether it’s a stage of life or more of a permanent reality. And for some of us, that’s a hard lesson.