I don't understand those with family close by....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My family lives 4000 miles away and thinks it's perfectly fine to visit once a year. DH's family lives a 3 hour plane ride away and we see them even less frequently. I find it very lonely to have no family in the area. We spend every holiday alone and I find that incredibly depressing. It is very lonely to have no family around, especially when they have no interest in visiting more than once a year. I envy people who have loving family nearby. I feel sad that our children will grow up without family to be a part of their milestones.

Okay but why is Op taking this out on people who do have family around!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My family lives 4000 miles away and thinks it's perfectly fine to visit once a year. DH's family lives a 3 hour plane ride away and we see them even less frequently. I find it very lonely to have no family in the area. We spend every holiday alone and I find that incredibly depressing. It is very lonely to have no family around, especially when they have no interest in visiting more than once a year. I envy people who have loving family nearby. I feel sad that our children will grow up without family to be a part of their milestones.

You should visit them. Planes and highways go both ways, you know.

[Anonymous]

I agree tags they're lucky, but everyone has their battles. Why the ugliness towards people who have a nice thing in life?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and my kids are relatively close in age. When they were little I NEVER left both of them with a grandparent to watch, because together they were such a handful and I was afraid that watching them together would be too stressful on our parents. I either hired a sitter, put the oldest in preschool OR I would have ALWAYS had a kid with me - through hair appts, doctor/dental appts, etc. Yep, I hired sitters sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Adding - I do feel for the folks who don't have family around and I do realize that it can be hard to rely completely on friends/neighbors/sitters for help. I'll never forget the time I was stuck at home sick as a dog with the stomach flu, caring for one child who was also sick and vomiting and another child who was fine but bouncing off of the walls....when all of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. It was my mom - she had brought McDonalds for the well (but hungry) child and a bottle of Ginger Ale for me and the sick kiddo. Made such a difference that day...

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine what it would be like to celebrate anything with my husband, or go away for even one night, or go to a doctor's appointment by myself. Some people don't realize how good they have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine what it would be like to celebrate anything with my husband, or go away for even one night, or go to a doctor's appointment by myself. Some people don't realize how good they have it.

I know that my own parents had to wait 18 years to get a night away together. DH & I haven't had many nights away from the kids, but we have had several already - we are lucky.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has been a very supportive family member to those in my family who have kids, can I ask that you guys who depend on family show your appreciation once in a while?

I don't lending a hand and helping family out when they're in a bind (which is often for those in my family), but everyone needs to know that they're valued and appreciated. It's so easy to take help for granted.

[Anonymous]

Argh, that should have been "I don't *mind* lending a hand...etc "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine what it would be like to celebrate anything with my husband, or go away for even one night, or go to a doctor's appointment by myself. Some people don't realize how good they have it.

Same here, and I'm the PP with elderly mom who needs help. Between my mother and my kids, DH and I haven't had a date night (much less an overnight trip) to ourselves for a year. Things are tough all over.

Still, I know how lucky I am to have both my mom and my kids, so honestly things are tougher for others than for our family.

Remember, everybody: there are others on this board facing TTC/infertility issues, painful divorce/child support issues, abuse, even cancer. That we have loved ones who need us is a (paradoxical sometimes) gift in itself!

[Anonymous]

Even if you do have family close by, it is not a given that there will be unending help.

[Anonymous]

If you have family close by, it is priceless to know that you could go to them in an emergency, if you had to.

My friend has debilitating physical health issues. Somehow, certain kinds of moms (I am being nice here) in her neighborhood seems quite nosy, inappropriate and quite willing to dig anywhere they can for tidbits and trouble, as they call it. Most often untrue. It is a one way street, as the neighbors tend to not offer up any of their own information, not surprisingly. Certainly, my friend should not have to explain anything, much less her physical health complications and limitations, to neighbors, or anyone she barely knows. (For all she knows these crazies claim to be her best friend!)

Point being, a handful of her neighbors have family on the very same block as them. Yet, when my friend has a sitter once per week, the slimes see nothing wrong with trying to swoop in on her. As if she owes them anything! Really?!?!? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have family close by, it is priceless to know that you could go to them in an emergency, if you had to.

My friend has debilitating physical health issues. Somehow, certain kinds of moms (I am being nice here) in her neighborhood seems quite nosy, inappropriate and quite willing to dig anywhere they can for tidbits and trouble, as they call it. Most often untrue. It is a one way street, as the neighbors tend to not offer up any of their own information, not surprisingly. Certainly, my friend should not have to explain anything, much less her physical health complications and limitations, to neighbors, or anyone she barely knows. (For all she knows these crazies claim to be her best friend!)

Point being, a handful of her neighbors have family on the very same block as them. Yet, when my friend has a sitter once per week, the slimes see nothing wrong with trying to swoop in on her. As if she owes them anything! Really?!?!? Wow.

But why are they supposed to KNOW its unacceptable to ask her babysitter for a few hours if she won't tell them? And why shouldn't the baby sitter be allowed to take other jobs? And why MUST they use their family?

I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been a very supportive family member to those in my family who have kids, can I ask that you guys who depend on family show your appreciation once in a while?

I don't lending a hand and helping family out when they're in a bind (which is often for those in my family), but everyone needs to know that they're valued and appreciated. It's so easy to take help for granted.

+1

To take for granted, and to take advantage. Such was the case with my sister and brother-in-law, unfortunately. It came to the point where my sister would get upset and visibly annoyed when I couldn't be there to help her out - at least every week it seemed like. Like I was selfish for wanting to just have my own life. It began to strain our relationship...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who think they have it so hard.

In other words, please be considerate of others who do not, and are therefor not as fortunate as you. You may not realize it, but you have conveniences that others only dream of. If we have a babysitter, that is it. That is all we have. And we are dependent on their schedule. They are not there for you. So please be considerate.

If we had family close by practically at our beck and call, doing nice things for us, we would not impose on you. We would not dream of calling your close by family to bail us out. We have gone through many, many hoops to find someone who works for us, who might not work for you. Just like your family does for you. Besides, we might have exigent circumstances that you do not know about, and that we purposely do not share with others. You have no idea. Have boundaries. Back off.

So move near your family if you feel you need them so badly.