IL's ganging against me, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

OP, just say NO. Sorry, we are not available to have a family conference. XXX is very sick right now and needs all my attention as do my children. If your SIL is rude and does not want to visit your house, then ok. Less drama for you. Hope your husband has a good recovery.

[Anonymous]

Why do you say you cannot keep your distance?

[Anonymous]

I am hoping OP is a bored 13 year old trolling here!

If not, who the hell calls a family meeting for grown off spring? OP, I am assuming you need their help to get through you DH's illness and you don't want to rock the boat but at the same time don't want to put with their drama. Just be polite and firm. Don't pick any arguments. Thank them profusely for any help and for rest just say you can take care of it.

Good luck and I hope your DH makes a speedy recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will there be Powerpoint presentations to map the grievances?

This is a fabulous idea-- I also suggest using a Jumping to Conclusions Mat.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear your husband is bed ridden. Is there money involved that would change how they feel about you? Sorry for the insensitive question. Absolutely no meeting at your house. Take control and tell them to take a hike.

[Anonymous]

OP here, Thanks for the input once again. My relationship was ok before my husband fell ill. There have been a couple of issues since my husband fell ill. We kind of broke ranks when we were deciding plan of care for my husband. The family wanted to take him to a hospital near their town so that they could visit him more often but my husband's doctor and I felt it was a better idea to take him to a hospital that is a few hours away but one that specializes with his condition. I also hired an attorney to represent my husband against my IL's wishes who felt "he didn't need one." The family want to be very involved in his care but I limit what I involve and share with them with because as much as they love and want to see him get better, they have a hard time putting his interest first... They go for what is more convenient to them. Thanks God there is no money issue. The good news is that my husband's attorney, my husband, his care team and even the insurance company has nothing but praise for me for the care and the decisions that I have made. I need the family to be united and involved but no at the sake of my husband's or my health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will there be Powerpoint presentations to map the grievances?

This is a fabulous idea-- I also suggest using a Jumping to Conclusions Mat.

OP here, hahaha thanks for the good laugh. I really need it.

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you for your update above. I posted early on and wondered what was going on. Please feel confident in your choices for your husband's care. It's sad and selfish that your in-laws wanted to put their visits ahead of his getting specialized care. They probably meant well, and felt that it was good for his health if they could visit him, but you did the right thing entirely to focus just on getting him the best possible care. Is the lawyer there to represent him against the in-laws somehow? Were they threatening some kind of legal maneuvers to force you to place your husband at the hospital closer to them? I hope it did not take that turn. You were smart to hire an attorney. It sounds as if they are very, very interfering but as his spouse you have every right to be in charge of the decisions about his care.

OP, do you have someone -- not one of the ILs! -- whom you trust to look after your husband enough for you to spend some time outside the house for your own sanity? Caregiving is very, very stressful on the caregiver. Please ensure you're taking care of yourself so you have the energy to take care of him the rest of the time. If you are not already using a home-care service, see if you can contract with one for only a few times a week (if your husband would be comfortable with that). Insurance sometimes will cover it -- it's worth checking, at least.

[Anonymous]

OP: I think you made the right decision. You do not say why you DH is bedridden at this time. Accident? very serious illness? The family is either out of their minds with grief, or thinking of a lawsuit and how much money they will get. People's minds go a little crazy when this happens.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for caring. I do try to take time off because he has around the clock home-aides.

He was in a car accident The lawyer is there to make sure the insurance company doesn't short-change him and to also give me time to focus on other things. I know they expect a settlement someday. I think it's a control thing more than the money issue.

[Anonymous]

Do you have legal power of attorney? Hopefully you do. It sounds as though you can't trust his family at all. Make sure you protect you and your husband. In my experience, the only way to deal with family like this is to never give them an inch. You must be completely blatant with them in setting up ground rules, because they won't take hints.

Do you have children?

Best wishes for your husband's recovery and for you, OP. I hope you update us as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. I do have Durable General Power of Attorney and thankfully we don't have kids yet . Not sure how I would it would have out if we had kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure there's not more to the story than what you are telling us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, Thanks for the input once again. My relationship was ok before my husband fell ill. There have been a couple of issues since my husband fell ill. We kind of broke ranks when we were deciding plan of care for my husband. The family wanted to take him to a hospital near their town so that they could visit him more often but my husband's doctor and I felt it was a better idea to take him to a hospital that is a few hours away but one that specializes with his condition. I also hired an attorney to represent my husband against my IL's wishes who felt "he didn't need one." The family want to be very involved in his care but I limit what I involve and share with them with because as much as they love and want to see him get better, they have a hard time putting his interest first... They go for what is more convenient to them. Thanks God there is no money issue. The good news is that my husband's attorney, my husband, his care team and even the insurance company has nothing but praise for me for the care and the decisions that I have made. I need the family to be united and involved but no at the sake of my husband's or my health.

Oy, I feel you, OP. your ILs family sounds like my own family and I just cut them out for the vast majority of stuff bc I can't deal with the drama. I can completely see them behaving like your ILs if something were to happen to me.

Anyway: refuse a meeting in your house. give them visiting hours if your husband wants it, and just be prepared that they will not agree with anything you will do moving forward. eventually, be prepared for a possible law suit from them against you over who should get power of attny (i have seen this happen before).