ugh, IL baby shower vent

[Anonymous]

As the SIL who's brother's wife has never been particurally nice to me. She "couldn't male it " to my shower bit sent a lovely off registry gift that she had found useful for her son. It sort of meant the world to me that she did that because I know we don't exactly connect but she made a very thoughtful overture.

I say go and buy a book you and your brother enjoyed and mail it with the swaddles. Another idea is to send the swaddles and order the book on amazon and send it directly to your mother on law. The wrapping wont cost much and if you have prime delivery should be free. Or don't wrap and just send.

Your children are going to be around the same age and sending the book with swaddled might be a nice olive branch to extend. You two might never get along but it will be a great thing if your children can have a good relationship.

And feel free to vent away. Family stuff and events can be rough especially when you are caring for an infant.

[Anonymous]

Who throws a baby shower on Mother's Day? I think a lot of people wouldn't be able to make it.

Odd...

But just sent your gift and add a cheapie book, if it will make you feel better. The gift you picked sounds nice.

On to the next...

[Anonymous]

Just send what you already bought and send a small book too. It's a win/win.

If you don't send at least a book, your MIL and SIL will gossip about it - given how you describe their character. So, spending an extra $10 on a book might prevent an upset from them towards you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two months ago, I got an email save-the-date for my SIL's baby shower. She lives four hours away, the shower is on Mother's Day, I have an eight week old, so I sent my regrets to the host, who asked for rsvp in the email. I don't particularly love my SIL (she has major, major issues with boundaries) so I am not heartbroken to miss the party. Plus, this is my first Mother's Day and I want to spend it with my new baby and husband. I purchased and wrapped a gift for the new mom/baby and they have been sitting on my desk waiting to go in the mail. Well, yesterday, I got the actual invitation and it asks that guests include a book instead of a card to build baby boy's library and a reminder to "peek" at SIL's registry. MIL called to gush over the cute etsy invites and to chat about what book she was picking out, what to get from the registry, etc. Well, I didn't buy from the registry (didn't know about it and bought Aden and Anais swaddles and toys) and I didn't buy a book and now I feel bad. And I'm annoyed b/c I've already gone through the trouble to pick out a nice and useful gift for someone I don't even like that much, and now it doesn't seem good enough. This seems like such a gift grab--and who hosts a shower on Mother's Day?I think part of me is also hurt b/c MIL and FIL are making such a fuss over the arrival of this baby (their son and DIL) while with my dd, they have been so "meh" (long and complicated story of hurtful behavior) Sorry to vent so much, but would rather do it here than to dh.

This is the real reason you're not attending the shower...and that's OK!

[Anonymous]

Send what you bought with a nice card.

Better, send DH to the post office to send it, and let him be in charge of all IL gift giving henceforth. Give yourself the gift of letting him take the lead.

Congrats on your new baby!

[Anonymous]

I'm not a baby shower person myself, but OP you sound like you're deliberately getting annoyed by something that is not intentionally or even inadvertently annoying. It's a shower, of course there is a registry. And of course not everyone buys gifts off the registry. So where is the problem exactly? Yes of course it is a gift grab, and so is the shower that you presumably had OP. So why are you bent of out shape about your SIL having one?

You sound like you want to be the center of attention - complaining that your ILs are more excited about their daughter's pregnancy than yours - is that the real issue here?

[Anonymous]

Buying off the registry doesn't matter for swaddled/toys. If you were going to get something like a carseat or highchair then I would buy off the registry. Just go get a book for the baby or wrap up one of yours. I got a couple copies of some popular books (Goodnight Moon) that I never got around to exchanging. Do you have extra copies of books or maybe a book that you don't like so much? Just send it over. No big deal. FWIW, I find the shower on Mother's Day is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I wouldn't worry about the gift. As a FTM to be, I really appreciated the thoughtful gifts that my new mom friends and relatives gave me. I received several things that I wouldn't have even thought to register for (like stroller toys and teethers, for example). Ignore your MIL and just send the gift you bought!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is the same way with me vs her daughter. I'm
Pregnant with her first grandchild, but she acts like I'm kind of disrupting her life, and all she talks to me about is how wonderful her 30 year old dd is. I find it off, and strangely hurtful.

My ILs are the same way - their daughter is 10 years younger than my husband and is SO spoiled. They know everything about her life, they buy her lavish gifts, visit her monthly, they pay for everything (like her flights to come visit us, they bought her baby shower present to us, etc...), yet they spent $50 on a baby shower gift for their first grandchild and can't bother to rearrange their schedule to come help us finish building a few things for the nursery.

[Anonymous]

A shower IS a gift grab. A socially accepted one, but still a gift grab. Send your gift as is, wish her well, and enjoy your first mother's day.

(As an aside, I hate parties on family oriented holidays. It's her way of saying I'M the only mother that counts today.)

[Anonymous]

Go on amazon, buy a book, pay the extra $1 to have it wrapped and have it shipped to her. here is some advice to a new mom, Amazon Prime is your friend! The $15-20 it costs to also buy a book is worth the good faith you buy to keep family peace.

Look, this baby will be your child's cousin, so I know ILs can do things that just get under our skin more than friends or strangers, but they are family and in the long run it is better not to over think everything and make it about you. Because it seems like you are a bit jealous, and it is human nature and understandable, but don't let it cloud over the big picture that a new cousin will be born who is going to be close in age to your child which is a wonderful thing. My kids don't even have ONE SINGLE COUSIN on either side.

I agree having a baby shower on Mother's Day is totally weird, is no one else a mother that is coming? But then again I think putting someone's registry info on the invite is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd buy a book to add it and make it out from your baby to his or her new cousin. That's the relationship that will matter.

+1 Cute idea

[Anonymous]

If you are really worried about it, you could gush to your MIL about how you were so excited about your new niece/nephew that you ran right out and bought these swaddlers before you even knew about the registry.

[Anonymous]

So rude! I too was invited to a shower on Mother's day. I am a mom plus my mother is getting up in years. I want to do something with my own mom and my family. The shower is 6 1/2 hours away and my MIL is throwing a fit.

Send your nice gift and don't worry about what others think. I gave up on my in-laws a long time ago. Thank god my husband agrees with me that they are crazy.