Mean girl behavior ... would you tell the mom?

[Anonymous]

We had this happen to our daughter in 5th grade. The teachers did not want to contact the other girl's parents. Their explanation to me was actually that the girl's mother was much like her child!

I emailed the mother myself after the mean girl (we think it was her, or at least some of her mean girl minions) started prank calling our home. Naturally, the mother assured me that her kid would NEVER do such a thing. Right.

In spite of the fact that it didn't work for us, I still think OP should approach the mean girl's mother. Bullied children deserve this accountability, and the bullies themselves need to have their behavior corrected before the consequences of misbehavior get much higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

But what if it doesn't stop? We have this issue with a girl in the 3rd grade and the girl is still 'the mean girl'.

have you read any of the recommended books? The mean girl issue is not about telling the teacher (the teacher usually clueless and thinks the mean girl is sweet as pie), it is about giving the other girls the power and tools to deal with the mean girl.... or working with a counselor who is able to focus on this issue and support it through working with the class possibly over multiple years.

best of luck

PP here - I used the Observe Connect Guide and Support model, where my DD went to the teacher to describe how the actions were affecting her group project (and therefore her grade) and she spoke directly to The Queen Bee about the bullying. The teacher thanked me for helping my DD to reach out to the teacher. I know the Queen Bee mom was told because she told me about it. My role was that of guidance and support and NOT of Meddling Mom.

I know this is just the beginning, yet I am thrilled that my DD handled this quite well and she stood up for herself.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, wwyd if there is a group of mean girls and it's not clear who the leader is? We have this issue in my DD's 5th grade class. Oddly enough other children have reported that my child is one of the targets of the meanness but so far my DD seems to either not notice or not care and I'm not sure what to do.

[Anonymous]

"The queen bee's mom is nice enough but very high profile in the school, does a LOT for the PTA, etc. "

The type who peaked in high school and wants it to never end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:talk to the teacher - and I would also recommend reading some books on it - this will not be the last time you encounter this and having language to talk about it is important.

I own the following 2 books and think they are good resources - but I am sure other parents have recommendations as well:
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

Odd Girl Out, Revised and Updated: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls


Also - read the reviews of these books on Amazon - you will see there are parent's like you trying to figure out how to navigate this space.

Good luck

Is anyone aware of any similiar type resources for boys? I was at the library this weekend looking for some type of book that either I could read or give my son to read. Need help to help him navigate similiar social issues. He is fairly clueless and I feel like many of the kids are far more advanced or at least savy with regard to navigating the unfortunately typical mean elementary social behaviors.

[Anonymous]

FYI -

Here is a really good speaker who has studied this:

Noted author and educator Rachel Simmons speaks live at the Westminster Town Hall Forum about the phenomenon of aggression in the lives of adolescent girls. She's the co-founder of the Girls Leadership Institute and the author of "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls."


http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2012/03/08/mpr_news_presents/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI -

Here is a really good speaker who has studied this:

Noted author and educator Rachel Simmons speaks live at the Westminster Town Hall Forum about the phenomenon of aggression in the lives of adolescent girls. She's the co-founder of the Girls Leadership Institute and the author of "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls."


http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2012/03/08/mpr_news_presents/

Fabulous link! Thank you, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI -

Here is a really good speaker who has studied this:

Noted author and educator Rachel Simmons speaks live at the Westminster Town Hall Forum about the phenomenon of aggression in the lives of adolescent girls. She's the co-founder of the Girls Leadership Institute and the author of "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls."


http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2012/03/08/mpr_news_presents/

Fabulous link! Thank you, PP!

you are welcome
full disclosure - I received this on a listserve that I am part of and passed it on b/c I thought it was relevant - so whoever posted it 1st - thanks!

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. "coincidently" the mean girls in DDs 5 th grade class also had the overly involved and very beeaatchy moms ( nice to your face and then behind your back.. Watch out.. Just like their darling DDs). These girls made DD miseraBle. Middle school was great for her without them and just nice regular kids with incredibly down to earth, nice moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. "coincidently" the mean girls in DDs 5 th grade class also had the overly involved and very beeaatchy moms ( nice to your face and then behind your back.. Watch out.. Just like their darling DDs). These girls made DD miseraBle. Middle school was great for her without them and just nice regular kids with incredibly down to earth, nice moms.

Of course... From my experience it is a rare apple that falls far from it's tree.

[Anonymous]

I would tell the mom. Be aware that telling the mom won't solve the current problem, but it does move the ball forward.

[Anonymous]

You said there were other kids who noticed about the mean girl - can you help your dd make friends with some of them? There is strength in numbers.

[Anonymous]

What's the 40plus term for mean girl? The mothers of the girls in my daughter's grade are nasty. Middle aged nasties.

[Anonymous]

19:42 - THIS.

We actually have this in first grade. The MGMs (mean girl moms - there are 2) actually act surprised that their child is rude. Frankly, the moms look right through you just like the (2) girls do.

Thankfully, we have an experienced teacher who has zero tolerance for the same old same old, especially from THAT age. The mean girls are in and out with each other, and tend to want to be in and out with the others. Also thankfully, the majority of the girls are OVER it.

They give "frenemy" a whole new meaning! ITA that some girls are taught this from a young age. Zero tolerance is key.