Anyone find it hard to give up the DINK lifestyle to have kids?

[Anonymous]

OP while I love my son and it was totally the right decision for me, it is ok to admit that you don't want children. Perhaps a little unfair if your husband entered the marriage thinking that you'd be able to give him kids one day, but if you are both on the fence about this, it's ok to be married and enjoy your life with no kids. Not everyone is meant or should procreate (and I mean this in the most positive way possible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP while I love my son and it was totally the right decision for me, it is ok to admit that you don't want children. Perhaps a little unfair if your husband entered the marriage thinking that you'd be able to give him kids one day, but if you are both on the fence about this, it's ok to be married and enjoy your life with no kids. Not everyone is meant or should procreate (and I mean this in the most positive way possible).

OP here. We got married so young that we never thought about kids or talked about it at all. I would like a family someday but I always saw myself as an older mom (having a kid at age 38-40). Though I know that may not be realistic given possible fertility issues down the road. I just don't feel ready to have a kid though I will be AMA soon, so I feel like I better get to it though I am not ready to give up the DINK lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. We got married so young that we never thought about kids or talked about it at all. I would like a family someday but I always saw myself as an older mom (having a kid at age 38-40). Though I know that may not be realistic given possible fertility issues down the road. I just don't feel ready to have a kid though I will be AMA soon, so I feel like I better get to it though I am not ready to give up the DINK lifestyle.

If you're in your mid-30s and have been married 7 years, you didn't get married all that early! I was married in my early 20s, and we did talk about our plans to have kids even then. We had Kid 1 before we turned 30, and Kid 2 just after. I'd guess that the reason the issue never arose has less to do with your age at marriage than with the fact that kids weren't a priority for you, at least at that time.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I loved our life before and i had serious reservations about kids. I need a lot of me time and wanted to work FT outside the home w/o it being the mass chaos And juggling act I saw of friends with kids doing. So.. We decided to have one. It was rough at first.. I cried my entire maternity leave but now cant imagine a day without her. She is now a teenager and it has been such a great experience. I still cannot imagine having more than 1 child. Our life is hectic but still manageable with still plenty of "me" time for all 3 of us!!

[Anonymous]

It was definitely an adjustment and I won't say I don't sometimes fantasize about how fabulous our lives would be without kids, especially when I think of the amazing traveling we could do for less than the amount we're spending on tuition. That being said, I think I would feel unfulfilled if I didn't have my kids. They have become the center of my world, and most of the time, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's called google people. just google DINK if you didn't know what it is.

I do think it's good to consider this, but the truth is you really won't know until you have kids.

Although I found myself bored with life a bit before having kids (going out to dinner with friends over and over, same weekends, etc.) I still mourned the loss of my freedom when the kids came along, and I really felt like i'd done a lot of single living (traveled, lived on my own, etc.).

the frustrating thing about being a parent is that you can't do it part time. You can't borrow a kid for say, 3 months, and then have 3 months off to go to Paris or whatever. I think if it weren't that way, it'd be much easier!

things that might make it easier to make the sacrifice:
1) if you like kids
2) if you keep your job after you have kids
3) if you have realistic expectations and realize you can do more as they get older, but the early years are tough
4) if you have local family or can pay for babysitters/frequent breaks.
only you can decide if you want to try.

Or posters could actually take the extra 20 seconds to actually type the words.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can do it. We were totally spoiled before children. You have to give up a lot, mostly self centeredness. But if you are willing, then you are able. If you are too selfish, parenthood is not generally for you. I know some moms with huge families that are so selfish and spend zero energy, the kids really suffer. Since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can do it. We were totally spoiled before children. You have to give up a lot, mostly self centeredness. But if you are willing, then you are able. If you are too selfish, parenthood is not generally for you. I know some moms with huge families that are so selfish and spend zero energy, the kids really suffer. Since you asked.

OP, it took us over 5 years to have our DD. During those years we lived it up. But after a while the wine, dine and vacations felt like a rut. In our case, we were meant to be parents and would not trade it for anything. I feel like being a mom has taught me so much about myself and put me on a different plane.

I did not have those questions you are asking. Perhaps parenthood is not your thing. Not everyone is meant to have children.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't one of those people that cooohed and ahhhed over kids before I had them. I would have been more likely to rush over to someone with a cute puppy than someone with a baby. I also was a lot older than my siblings and vowed if I ever changed another diaper it would be for my own child .... I had enough pseudo responsibility being the older sister.

All that said, I got the traveling out of my system before kids. I got a good start on my career and was able to work out of town and work crazy hours to meet deadlines without any other responsibilities. I think it put me in a place to find the more family friendly job and start a nest egg. I think my life with kids would not be quite as rosy if I had them earlier in my career. Kids are expensive and saving money up isn't quite the snap it used to be.

All that said, I couldn't imagine my life without my children. I've learned more about myself in trying to teach my kids about the way life works. I've become closer to my parents relating to them in a way I couldn't before. I've had to confront my childhood ... and the emotions beneath the happy go lucky facade. There is an inner peace I've gotten and ability to let go of past hurts because I know I have this chance to make the decisions I wish my parents had made. At the same time, I am reconnecting with some of the happy moments I had as a kid and love living it again when I play with my kids. I've had to learn to somehow laugh at least after the fact at some of the things that are kids being kids but at the time are exasperating ( really, we are going to cry because you got the green ballon and not pink ... This is why I hate balloons and clowns). I'm happy for all the experiences I've had because I don't have to wonder what if or think about the grass being greener. I'm really happy to be in a position that I have the job flexibility (more vacation time and sick time, higher salary) so having kids didn't put a strain other than the juggling of schedules. The bottom line was I was ready by the time I decided to try to have kids.

[Anonymous]

I used to nanny for people who still lived the DINK lifestyle even after having kids. If you have a lot of money, you can do it too. I felt very sorry for the kids though. I worked 12 hrs/day during the week and they had a FT weekend nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't envision giving our life up for kids until DC snuck up on us. One day I was at happy hour chatting it up with the girls, the next day, 2 pink lines appeared out of the blue. Now that DC's here though, I can't imagine life without her and everything else pales in comparison. I was actually thinking today after having lunch with a single friend of mine who just started dating a new guy. She regaled me with tales of their fancy spontaneous fun filled dates and quite amazingly, nostalgia or envy did not creep up on me. When we parted ways, I wondered objectively, if I missed that life and would want it but nah, it is utterly unappealing now.

Don't get me wrong, I still want to travel, see the world and enjoy new experiences but I want to do it with DC in tow. I feel like I want to show her the world, teach her new things and show her everything she's missed when she wasn't here

The question wasn't whether you want to live the single life again, just the child free life.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You weren't 16 when you got married! Didn't you and your husband discuss children? If not, yikes! This is why folks should do some counseling before they marry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not many people know what DINKs are. Just FYI

You really think people can't figure out Double Income No Kids from the context?

I did not figure that out...not sure how the context would help in this case.

There's a really cool website called Google; you should check it out!

[Anonymous]

I don't miss it that much. Sometimes I wish I could work more hours at work to get more done, or go to a movie. DH is 2 1/2, and although we can't go to super high class restaurants, we can go out to eat at low-key places (think Thai, Chinese, and Indian, not McDonald's) pretty regularly. He's a good eater. DS is cute and endearing and a lot of fun, and I get some me time since DH and I can trade him off on the weekends since we only have one. I still don't like dealing with another person's poop, even if it is my own kid, but other than that, it isn't so bad.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You have received lots of good advice here. We didn't have kids until I was 37. We have two now, and I feel supreme joy with these little people. I do miss my DINK life at times, but also realize that I had outgrown it. Parenting is a great job, and I am glad I was still able to do it. Something to thing about. That biological clock shows no mercy, and is is bitch. If you want it, do it. If you don't. . .still consider doing it.