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BD Party- Obligation to invite all in Middle School class? Rambling, sorry...
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Anonymous
| OP-Thanks for all constructive feedback. Was mostly wondering if I had to force child to invite those who left her out, not, as someone suggested, whether to only invite the "popular girls ." We have a small space, so for the whole group it means finding a place big enough to include all (not doing dinner at Chart House kind of event!) if that's necessary. Some years she doesn't have a party. Feel free to let the thread die. Thanks for your input. |
Anonymous
| Some kids don't ever get invited. Stop and think OP what it would mean for those girls to be invited. You might really make their middle school years more memorable and tolerable. Try not to be a mom who just wants your kid to be a "popular". You'd be showing your daughter what kindness and generosity means...a great lesson in today's world. |
Anonymous
| Birthday parties are out of control. What happened to the rule age +1 for the amount of kids at a party. After we had 40+ people at my son's 6th birthday (class kids + parents+ family) we told the kids no more big parties except every 5 years. Now we have a family birthday party plus 1-2 friends and that is it. My son was even happy because he found his 6th birthday overwhelming. Talking about friendship groups, they have those at 6 yrs old too, they know who their friends are. Most comments note that a kid should not be left out, but my son certainly did not want to invite the class bully, they have those at 6 too. Schools should not dictate birthday party rules unless they are at school. |
Anonymous
| Gift Bags are a joke, I have talked to many moms who say most of the stuff gets thrown away, yet, they keep doing them because of the pressure. I am not sure when gift bags started, but they should stop so we stop filling up the landfills with plastic junk from China that was probably made with child labor |
Anonymous
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I cannot believe this is an issue. I really cannot believe it! People actually break down percentages of class sizes to decide how many kids to invite? Even more ridiculous, people actually follow the rules that the school sets about private birthday parties at home? Why does the school think they can dictate to families whom or how many they have to invite to their children's parties, and why would any parent comply if they don't agree?
The solution to this "problem" is simple enough... invite whoever you and your child want to invite. Period. Set a number you feel comfortable with and let your child choose who they want to invite. If anyone gets offended, they will get over it. You're not trying to offend anyone, and no offense should be taken. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the suggestion to keep it small enough to avoid the backlash - both kids and parents can get very upset about exclusion.
I personally feel if parents handled certain situations better their kids would be much better adjusted later (I think some of the expectations are REALLY unrealistic. ) In our grade I have seen the parents jockeying for their girls to be friends with "popular girls" even when their girls have a group of friends not in the "in" crowd - the message seems to be "yes, you have friends, but they are not good enough". That said, my own DD usually chooses not to have parties because she doesn't want to invite everybody. She's shy and prefers a smaller group but doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Ironically- the mean girls invite her to everything - so in our case too many invitations make for tough decisions later. MS can be a nightmare. No matter who you invite -- these kids are old enough to know who their friends are and who they want to be around. |
Anonymous
| After reading all the replies I have to say this: it is YOUR house and your family therefore YOU and YOUR CHILD get the choice not the community or the school. Is the school or the community helping to pay for the pizza or snacks or whatever else?? Are they supervising the kids? No? Then they don't get a say. Middle school can be cruel - but it should not be birthday bondage. Have a large group party like a mystery party for everyone if you must but keep the sleep over to a best friend or 2. |
Anonymous
| Actually, while public schools have no control over behavior outside of school, private schools generally have language in the handbook saying that the students "at all times represent the school". While they're not likely to throw a kid out for inviting 60% of the class instead of 50%, they do have the right to expel a student who obviously and ostentatiously excludes a few others repeatedly. |
Anonymous
| Obviously the posters advocating for a "do what you want" approach are not the same ones who ask what private schools do about mean girl behavior or bullying. Well one of the things private schools do, especially small ones with one class per grade, is try to foster a sense of community and inclusiveness. Hence the guidelines on birthday parties. |
Anonymous
Actually, of the five birthday parties 3yo DC has been to, only one gave out goodie bags filled with junk. The others gave pretty cool things as party favors. |
Anonymous
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Here is a link to a radio piece a friend of mine did about middle school at Maret back in the day. Maybe it will shed some ligHt on the subject
http://snapjudgment.org/seventh-grade-birthday-party |
Anonymous
Thanks for posting. Something very much like this happened to my DD in 9th grade. She was so miserable for a while I actually considered taking her out of the school in the middle of the year. In the end it was fine but she still talks about the incident. I hope the moms advocating for an exclusionary approach in a small school will think twice about it. |
Anonymous
 I invited all the girls in DD class to her b'day party last December. Most of them came, 12 out of the 15. It is customary in her class they all get invited to each other parties. Usually at parties there are no outsiders....it works well I must say. The girls have form a very tight knit group... In fact every year a parent will host a pool party ( a week ago) for all entering the upcoming grade, and even the new girls are invited.
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