Is 38 too late to turn your life/career around (and how to support someone who's trying)

[Anonymous]

He might also be bipolar, energy one minute, unmotivated the next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would certainly hope so. My brother is now 40, and in a much more serious state than your brother. At least your brother has the strong background, confidence, etc, etc. Mine has OCD, and has essentially given up on trying to get better. Sounds like your sibling has way more going for him.

OP here. Thanks so much for all of the feedback. To this PP, I'm so sorry about your brother. In my post I pointed out the good things about my brother to show that he is capable of building a good career, but we have a complicated relationship and I definitely don't see him through rose-colored glasses. But I love him, and he's not a bad person, and he doesn't deserve to feel this way. I've been walking around with such a heavy heart for him, and for my mom who worries about him all the time. I talk to him often and do my best to help him work through it, but I feel so guilty when I hang up the phone and go back to my reasonably happy life and he's sitting there in so much pain. How do you reconcile that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would certainly hope so. My brother is now 40, and in a much more serious state than your brother. At least your brother has the strong background, confidence, etc, etc. Mine has OCD, and has essentially given up on trying to get better. Sounds like your sibling has way more going for him.

OP here. Thanks so much for all of the feedback. To this PP, I'm so sorry about your brother. In my post I pointed out the good things about my brother to show that he is capable of building a good career, but we have a complicated relationship and I definitely don't see him through rose-colored glasses. But I love him, and he's not a bad person, and he doesn't deserve to feel this way. I've been walking around with such a heavy heart for him, and for my mom who worries about him all the time. I talk to him often and do my best to help him work through it, but I feel so guilty when I hang up the phone and go back to my reasonably happy life and he's sitting there in so much pain. How do you reconcile that?

I can't find it, but I remember reading several years ago a quote/story. The essence of it was that a young man lost his leg and it was seen as very unfortunate. Then there was a war and everyone who was not disabled was drafted into service and many died, and it was seen as fortunate that the young man had not been sent into war. I'm sure I've totally butchered the story but you see where I'm going with this. Where you are in life right now is a snapshot, but your perspective on your life can all change in an instant. Don't feel guilty. Just do the best you can for yourself, your family, your brother, and he will find his path in life. Whatever that path is - whether it leads to "success" as we see it and material gain, or not.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone is meant to be a bigshot. Not trying to be a jerk here, but, maybe OP's brother is just not meant to be the highest achieving alpha male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would certainly hope so. My brother is now 40, and in a much more serious state than your brother. At least your brother has the strong background, confidence, etc, etc. Mine has OCD, and has essentially given up on trying to get better. Sounds like your sibling has way more going for him.

OP here. Thanks so much for all of the feedback. To this PP, I'm so sorry about your brother. In my post I pointed out the good things about my brother to show that he is capable of building a good career, but we have a complicated relationship and I definitely don't see him through rose-colored glasses. But I love him, and he's not a bad person, and he doesn't deserve to feel this way. I've been walking around with such a heavy heart for him, and for my mom who worries about him all the time. I talk to him often and do my best to help him work through it, but I feel so guilty when I hang up the phone and go back to my reasonably happy life and he's sitting there in so much pain. How do you reconcile that?

Hi OP, I was the PP you responded to. Thank you for your comment. Though our brothers are worlds apart in several ways, how you describe yours being in pain, dissatisfied, etc, is exactly how my brother is. I also feel the same mixed emotions you do after talking with my brother. I know he's happy for me for what I have (like you're saying, more of the reasonably happy, more normalcy, etc), but I believe he lets others' success weigh in on him, to make him feel unaccomplished, disconnected from everyone. Knowing that he suffers in certain ways is very hard to take. I don't have any magic answer for you, and our circumstances are so different, still. But I think you're doing the best you can, by being in his life, taking time to talk with him, and I'm sure trying to be encouraging.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same situation. I am 33 this year but just starting learning English,pursuing a degree here. I don't like to be a nurse but every body tells me that it is easy to find a job. I am not happy with my life and relationships too, but I have not choices.

I have a friend who is more than 40. He was an Ph.D but he just pursued another Bachelor degree two years before, and will be an intern in a company this summer.

Don't alway look at the successful people. After all, they are just the minority. In my opinion, you and your mother's phonecalls are useless to him. Maybe the therapy, or travel, or making some new friends can change his environment a little bit so that he can think things in a diferent way.

[Anonymous]

My mom's an artist and lost her vision in one eye due to glaucoma. It was a very heavy hit to her soul.
She's now learning the guitar at 67.

[Anonymous]

Oh no, 38 is quite young. He can do it!